A Little Spark of Madness...

yellow fever...

2012-01-28T01:36:00.004-06:00

I like ultimate frisbee so much I signed up for an indoor league this winter. That equals year-round frisbee for me. Can you believe that? Who is this girl? Games range from 8:30 to 10:30, and it's about a 4-hour commitment every Friday night... including carpooling, playing, and watching other friends' games. Then I get home and have so much energy I don't know what to do with myself for the next three hours.

It's ridiculous. I'm addicted. Even though I have so much to improve, even though I'm not the strongest player out there, and even though after the first two points my lungs are screaming at capacity - the sport is just... so wonderfully simple, and fast-paced, and awesome. I can't handle it. Can't get enough. Hope I can play until I'm 60.

Last fall, our team got the overall tournament W. My first frisbee championship. Before, no matter whose team I was on, we always ended up second. On tournament day, the girls on our fall team were all gone for one reason or another. I played savage most of the day. Umm... that was crazy. No breaks, no rest, and definitely not enough water. Halfway through the second game, my calves cramped. I fell on the ground, unable to stand. I felt completely obnoxious. And so helpless. My coach had to stretch me out on the field while I cursed myself for not shaving my legs. Ooooh, please don't touch my legs, don't touch my legs! Seriously? He touched my legs. Well, my foot connected to my hairy leg. I wanted to die. Okay, I already wanted to die because my calves hurt so bad. I then just wanted to die more.

In the end, our team kicked booty. We weren't expected to win, or even come in second. In fact, we were seeded last in the bracket. Yes, that made victory even sweeter.

In summary, I like ultimate frisbee. A lotta.

ramblin' man...

2011-08-11T22:26:00.004-05:00

To say postings as of late have been sparse, is well... the truth. I keep thinking about the little blog. About everything it's missing. How lonely it's been all summer. And although I wish it were chalk-full of happenings from the past few months (so I can remember when I'm ninety what I did when I was twenty-seven) for once I'm okay with the lack of posts. All it means is this summer has been full. And truly spendid.

Summertime makes me feel alive and happy. A few highlights, so I really do remember something when I'm ninety...

Dodgeball celebration t-shirt party. Six months after winning the championship. Ziggy's wedding. My car pool ride to Wichita. Me in charge of navigation and forgetting multiple addresses and the map. Marc not knowing White Stripes Seven Nation Army lyrics actually saying I'm goin' to Wichita. Me playing Angry Birds on Marc's iPhone instead watching the GPS. Us going 30 minutes the wrong direction instead. Moving across the street with the best moving party a girl could ask for. Me driving a U-Haul and almost clipping a median sign. My brother, Amber, and Mom saving my life and getting the house in order before a suffered a panic attack. Mom painting a brand new office space for SugarSnaps Photography. Having a real deal office! Joining a new frisbee league. Being challenged. Sprinting and cutting in 99 degree heat and humidity. Not puking. Seriously, not puking. Accomplishment. Schechtman visiting from Denver. Hosting a bbq so she can meet my friends right after the move... without a grill, stove, or oven. Schechtman having to run to the grocery store because I had no salt for the Tres de Julio party. Mexican food needs salt! Royals game with the Brown's. Me choosing the wrong way home through miles and miles of road construction. Piper pulling the covers under her chin once she got to my place and making her dad sleep on the air mattress. Jana's wedding. We goin' to Wichita again. Finding a boat driver. Taking wedding photos of so many happy brides and handsome grooms. Partied with the wedding parties. Had a complete blast. Thank God for his blessings. And for balance. And joy in one's work.

July lake trip. Sleeping eleven people in a two-bedroom cabin. Playing on the water all day. Life jacket diapers, Kenny Chesney, and Miller Lite. The bench. Skiing the next morning too. Blind date gone wrong. A chicken sandwich never tasted so dry. Trips to the farmer's market. Fresh peaches. The Brown's visiting again. Extra lucky me! Pigging out at Village Inn the morning after. 70's just like Mom & Dad used to do. Annie moving in. Another red-headed roommate. Always a good sign. Happy hour celebrating one-year at the dental office. Giggling like teenage girls. Drinking our dessert. Good JuJu. The drive-in. Cowboys & Aliens. Jen and Renee rescuing me from photography wardrobe malfunction. Tequila. Eating a PB&J on the way to D&D. Then dancing out socks off. Schlitterbahn. Lazy river wave pool. Screaming like a pansy on the coaster drop. Frisbee tournament. Playing non-stop for 5.5 hours. Losing big-time each game until the second half of the second half. Winning first and second rounds by one point. Making it to finals. Behind very badly in finals. 6-11, going to 15. So hot. So tired. So can't breathe. Teammates cramping mid-field. I'm cramping. Players falling over on grass. So nasty hot. Somehow tying it up at 14-14. Losing off the pull. An elusive frisbee championship, yet again. Suffer affects of heat exhaustion for three days. Arrive at Milford just before dark. No boats on the water. Skiing across the middle of the lake. Smooth as glass. Right into the sunset. Most incredible feeling. Perhaps an itty-bitty taste of heaven. Sans the algae outbreak. Seriously incredible. Little baby's Baby Shower. Because I'm going to be an aunt soon! Which is just out of this world. Absolutely a miracle to witness this process little momma is going through. Garage sales. And painting everything. Making a home feel like home. Friends visiting. Meals shared. Margaritas and W^5. Belly laughs.

There is still wonderfulness yet to come. A couple more mini-trips, Lake of the Ozarks, Colorado, and a camping weekend...

God is so good. I feel incredibly blessed. And I'm not ready to say so long sweet summer. Not quite yet...

on the range...

2011-06-02T23:10:00.000-05:00

We finished Day 2 in Tulsa at my cousin's house. They had recently moved from Omaha and their home and neighborhood was really pretty. It was nice being on a quiet street. We could walk in the middle of the road and not worry about cars and traffic. Plus, their kids are so darn cute. It was definitely nice catching up!

Midway through Day 3 we stopped by another cousin's house, possibly in Broken Arrow. I could have stayed there all week. A lake, paddleboat, screened in porch, huge patio, and an open arm welcome. I told them I'm coming back after the pool is built. And staying for a week.

are far behind me...

2011-06-01T23:27:00.000-05:00

Day 2 vaca recap and I already almost forgot. So it will be brief. Soon after we visited small-town Kansas, we headed south to Tulsa. As I recall, the drive was uneventful... except when my brother faked losing his wallet 30mins back where we filled with gas and I (along with his pregnant wife) were quite hungry.

Oh how he still enjoys teasing me...

Some crazy clouds rolled through the Tulsa skies the second day of our visit. These were extra poofy.

amarillo by morning...

2011-05-31T23:25:00.000-05:00

Last night marked the end of a ten-day road trip with the fam. There are stories and photos to share. We covered some ground and were able to spend a lot of time with family and friends. A different twist on our usual, and I'm thankful for it. My (lofty) intention is to post a photo a day from the trip...

Day One: Met with friends in KC. Carpooled to Wichita (thank goodness they gave me a lift). Laughed a lot. Met up with bro & sis-in-law. Rode to Dexter, KS. Visited small candy factory, supposedly home of the first Baby Ruth bar. Parents joined us. All met up with cousins for a tour of their town. From their front yard they could see Mr. Cow, pictured below. Looks like a good life to me.

The town was small, but the community very much alive and active. My second cousin was growing fruit from a pot on the window sill. So stinking cute.

one for the money...

2011-05-17T22:54:00.000-05:00

Four-ish reasons my week is off to a good start:

1) my inbox is down to three emails (3!)
2) was pulled over yesterday and given a warning (thank you!)
3) made an album for a senior for his graduation - it was a labor of love, and I was crazy nervous about the final product... because I get crazy nervous about these things. Thankfully it's beautiful... the printing company is incredible... now I want to make more
4) this weather makes me sing for joy, frolic on the sidewalks, and smile permanently - this would be my everyday kind of weather paradise
5) although not this week, the beautiful chaos pictured below was happening on our driveway not long ago; all the different activities taking place on the street cracks me up - Happy Birthday (month) Renee!

under my umbrella...

2011-05-03T21:39:00.000-05:00

Happy reminder... April showers bring May flowers. And fresh basil.

And I had nothing to do with growing either of these things.

But I get to enjoy them anyway.

Perhaps I have a slight annoyance with all the complaints about rain, like all the rainfall we experienced last week. Sure, I'd like to see the sun each day. And I like it to be warm. But I also know all that rain is what makes everything so green around here. Trust me. The open plains taught me a few things in my first 18 years: Western Kansas = brown + dry + dry, dry dry. Eastern Kansas = green + rainy. Not a coincidence.

Fresh basil!

wiser...

2011-05-01T20:36:00.003-05:00

This weekend brought me to Manhattan to celebrate a family friend's wedding. A part of me enjoys going back so much... I smile at all the places we frequented and the hilarious memories that took place those four years. And a part of me doesn't enjoy it so much. Not all memories are as fun to remember.

Visiting this time reminded me of other things. Like the fact I'm getting old(er). I know this for certain, for a few reasons:

5) I couldn't remember my way around campus when attempting to show Mom the new Leadership Studies Hall. I ended up directing Dad around a dead-end cul-de-sac in the back alleyways. My bad.

4) We after-partied in Aggieville at Kite's. I kept looking for familiar faces like the old days. There were none. And what exactly were those girls wearing?

3) Hmmm... the music must not have been as loud when I was in college. I mean, Dad and I couldn't even hold a conversation over the yelling, shrieking mania.

2) I drank a BudLight. And I will if I have to. But, uh, I prefer to never have to.

1) My brother was first in the door. He got carded. I reached for my wallet, joked with the bouncer that I was old, he looked at me and agreed, and waved me through. Fail. Fail. And fail.

Waking up this morning humbled and without a pounding headache, twisted ankle, or nausea, I remembered it's okay to grow up. And have real conversations on the weekends. And drink a stout from a bottle.

Although next time I'll have my ID ready, so Mr. Bouncer has no choice but to check my date of birth.

yellow+blue...

2011-04-05T20:56:00.004-05:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day... girlie style. Bring something green. Wear something green. And be merry.

i feel charming...

2011-03-21T22:23:00.001-05:00

If you haven't stepped outside lately, or rolled down your car windows, or taken a look at all the happy faces meandering around this town... spring is here. It's here! I'm no longer captive to bulky boots or layers of clothing or an ice scraper in hand each morning. My camera is so happy and sappy and bright. I can hardly stand it.

love is like whoa...

2011-03-21T22:07:00.001-05:00

This February was host to one of my favorite Valentine's celebration (at least that I remember, sorry Mom)... heart-shaped pizza from PapaJohn's, hand-dipped strawberries by the lovely Pam O., and salad with homemade dressing. Okay, it wasn't the food that made it great. It wasn't that at all. It was the hilarious stories about Quinceanearas and a hot Latino man of the 90's that made it more entertaining than I remember any other Valentine's Day. Maybe I have a weak memory of Valentine's Day pasts (okay, except the time in college I made penne vodka sauce with Viaka - bad idea - and my roommates were the servers... I'm a weirdo). Either way, it was a really good night.

king cake...

2011-03-10T22:08:00.001-06:00

Fat Tuesday. Sounds like such a jolly time. And the roommates and I made sure it was. Never mind the beads, we went straight for the beef and checked out a new restaurant that had opened recently near us - the Snak Shack, formerly known as the Shake Shack (until it's name was copyrighted by someone else), formerly known as Wheat State Pizza (until this location went out of business).

It's a quirky little place. Sporadic decor posted on the walls and random items in the dining area (note Renee's knight helmet) had me a little confused between hole in the wall every band poster ever made plastered floor to ceiling and quaint, personality-filled spot to grab a bite. I'd possibly like to say it gave the effect of trying too hard to be cool, without looking like trying hard, but really, the decor matters much less than the food. So forget the walls.

The burgers were fabulous. Lean beef, yummy romaine, and a thick bun that didn't get loaded with grease. And the onion rings were phenomenal. I'm a bit of an onion ring snob, and these were the best I've had. That I remember. Really, really good. You must try them. And, even better, the restaurant sources locally raised and organic ingredients. Makes me happy.

I brought along the camera because the poor thing has been up in the closet for way too long this winter. It needed some action. Something colorful and warm and bright. I think we all found a little bit this rainy, Mardi Gras of a night.

perfect...

2011-03-07T21:45:00.000-06:00

Not much can beat the sensation of flying down a snowy mountain, swooshing left then carving right, pole plant, pole plant, carve. No sound except the rush of wind past your ears and snow under your feet. Teetering just on the edge of in control.

Oops, did I say 'teetering on the edge of in control'? Sometimes the flying part can get a little dicey - a mistake would make for a messy, yard sale of a crash. And some sort of knee injury for sure. But we do it anyway. As fast as you can go, as hard as you can push, down to the bottom. I like skiing. Wish I could make it happen more often. For now I settle for two trips a year. Once with the fam, and once with friends. This weekend Sara and I hit up Beaver Creek for some fabulous scenery and wide open runs. We weren't disappointed. It's so beautiful there with all the Aspen trees and empty lift lines. We skied our hearts out. My quads have been reminding me all day.

To top it off the day before was spent with the newest baby in my life - little Kolbe (whose photos will be posted on the photo blog soon). Time went too fast with him and his momma. What a precious little boy! I mean, I know we say that about all babies, but he absolutely is.

Below is a view from our patio window. The winter scene is so barren, it almost looks like the photo is black and white. Can we get some springtime up in here - I need color in my life! And below that are our winter pride and joys. Some day my skis will grow up and be big skis like Sara's. And the next is the aftermath of a day of skiing. Boots and gloves drying by the fireplace always make me smile. It's evidence of a good day's work.

Also, just a note - I wear a helmet when skiing. Just in case the teetering turns into tottering. Also helps when going through tree trails. Branches tend to be attracted to my head.

mines...

2011-03-02T20:37:00.000-06:00

And... look who I got to spend the weekend with a few weeks ago. Piper turned two! Unbelievable. She is so much fun it's hard to leave. And soon there will be another one joining her. Can't wait to hang out everyone again. Thanks Bridget and Zach for being such great hosts.

official...

2011-03-02T20:28:00.003-06:00

In other exciting news... last weekend our dodgeball team won the league tournament. Woot! The championship game was tight, and we came back from an 0-3 slump. Everyone made awesome plays and worked their booties off... and Sara's took the cake. She ended a match against a guy that finally turned our losing streak. It was the highlight of our season. I cannot tell you how much I enjoy playing dodgeball with these guys. It is ridiculous. I'd play year round if they'd let me... go Team Alpha Super Awesome Cool Dynamite Wolf Squadron!

announcing...

2011-02-27T22:09:00.000-06:00

Finally, finally, finally. Time for the drum roll. Break out the squawky cheerleader megaphone. I've been holding this in for way too long. Okay, not even holding it in very well, but it's Facebook official and I can at last share the most wonderful news.

There is going to be a baby in the family. A little, itty-bitty bundle of great swaddled joy will be arriving this September into the arms of my sister-in-law and brother.

I'm going to be an aunt.

Ecstatic. Absolutely, wonderfully ecstatic. So much so, I learned to spell that word. Because it's a toughie.

I'm going to be an aunt!

Please pray for momma and baby's health and safety during this time of miracle-working. It takes a lot of work to grow that little life.

lah-lah land...

2011-02-16T16:11:00.002-06:00

It's sort of funny how your mind tries to make sense of things through your dreams. Here are the real life scenarios: my roommate is recently engaged - hooray! - and since she's also our landlord, three of us will need new housing soon; also, I'm on the hunt for a different car before mine goes on the fritz and it has been chaos trying to find the right one - test drives, online car searches that don't seem to end, dealers calling throughout the day, more test drives, and lots and lots of phone calls to Dad and Justin. So, although both things are good, it's been a little stressful.

Here's what my brain did about it a few nights ago. After a failed dream of test driving an inflatable floating boat car (the nose sank and the trunk stuck straight out of the lake), I went to another dealership and found the perfect one. It was a green, wood-planked camper. My roommates ran in and started claiming their beds (or more like couches that turned into beds). There were three, one for each of us. The girls were jumping around like it was Christmas morning and I knew it was meant to be. I had a means of transportation, and we all had a home. We couldn't believe what a match we'd found!

I woke up and laughed my hiney off while replaying the dream to Jen. Interesting, since laughter is a natural stress reliever. Maybe dreams are more powerful than we can quite comprehend. Watch out for my green camper.

pow-chica-pow-pow...

2011-02-09T22:49:00.002-06:00

The past week has been a strange one. Due to the snowstorm, Kelly very, very kindly provided me lodging Monday night. We had one six-hour appointment Tuesday, she only lives a mile from the office, and we were worried the predicted storm would prevent my commute. And, as that appointment came to an end Tuesday afternoon, we quickly realized the weather was much, much worse than the night before. Her husband got stuck in their neighborhood, and then again at the office, so we knew my little car wouldn't make it far. Then she even more kindly put me up for the second night. We pretended we were at the ski lodge as the freezing winds and blowing snow swirled about outside our door. Cold beer and spiked hot chocolate never tasted so good. I was SO grateful for their hospitality. There is no way my car would have made it on the roads that night, and it was a blessing to be warm, safe, and cozy.

Then two days later I was at a ski lodge. The kind with real mountains and more snow. The family headed to Copper for our annual ski trip. We awoke to nine inches of fluffy goodness Saturday morning (it's so FLUFFY!). Best snow, hands down, I've ever skied. It was surreal. Like floating on a cloud. We couldn't see our skis under all the fluff, and the peaceful quiet that surrounded us as more snow fell... unbelievable. I did not want to go back to Kansas. Almost felt like throwing a tantrum, wailing, and begging my parents not to go. It was that beautiful. And I miss my family.

So, I'm back in Kansas City, and what do you know... more snow. And as beautiful as it's all been, being welcomed by snow covered, icy streets this morning about put me over the edge. I'm all about winter and enjoying the snow, enduring the cold, and making the best of it (we live in the Midwest people; the bitter cold happens every year - let's get used to it and quit complaining. Please...) but today was too much. Perhaps it was the absolutely frigid temperatures coupled with my broken car heater and the ridiculously pokey driver I ended up following to work. Maybe it was the fact my vacation ended all too soon. Or maybe it was just the wrong side of the bed for me this morning. Whatever it was - I was a big ol' grump. And now I'm feeling pretty bad about just how grumpy I was.

Seriously, it's just snow. And spring will be here soon.

Well, sort of soon.

Maybe.

One day closer.

Seriously, please.

Please get warmer and melt all this ridiculous snow.

Pretty, pretty please.

And I'll have a better attitude and stop being so grumpy.

Just make the sun shine again.

And now, a very fitting poem by Ralph Waldo Emerson. Some of you may not be into poems. I'm not always myself. But this one just hit the spot.

The Snow-Storm

Announced by all the trumpets of the sky,
Arrives the snow, and, driving o'er the fields,
Seems nowhere to alight: the whited air
Hides hills and woods, the river and the heaven,
And veils the farmhouse at the garden's end.
The steed and traveler stopped, the courier's feet
Delayed, all friends shut out, the housemates sit
Around the radiant fireplace, enclosed
In a tumultuous privacy of storm.

Come see the north wind's masonry
Out of an unseen quarry evermore
Furnished with tile, the fierce artificer
Curves his white bastions with projected roof
Round every windward stake, or tree, or door.
Speeding, the myriad-handed, his wild work
So fanciful, so savage, nought cares he
For number or proportion. Mockingly,
On coop or kennel he hangs Parian wreaths;
A swan-like form invests the hidden thorn;
Fills up the farmer's lane from wall to wall,
Maugre the farmer's sighs; and, at the gate,
A tapering turret overtops the work.
And when his hours are numbered, and the world
Is all his own, retiring, as he were not,
Leaves, when the sun appears, astonished Art
To mimic in slow structure, stone by stone,
Built in an age, the mad wind's night-work,
The frolic architecture of the snow.

gonna buy me a mercury...

2011-01-30T22:40:00.000-06:00

I'm sort of in the market for a new (used) car. Poor little red has been leaking oil for three years, and after having it recently diagnosed I also learned it's leaking in three places. Other than that, nothing is amiss. It drives like a charm and always gets me where I want to go. However, I was recently booted out of my garage space because of the mess it was making - understandably so - and that gave me a little motivation to start the car search.

I am not the best car shopper. I like cars that are pretty and that's about all I know. I can mumble about mpgs and (I seriously can't even think of anything else...) stuff like that, but I just know I like how it looks, or I don't. That being the case, I depend on my Dad and Brother to guide me in my quest for the perfect match of price, looks, mpgs, and all the other things important in car purchases.

Dad has been keeping an eye out in his neck of the woods in Western Kansas, and he called one day saying he'd found a beautiful, fully-loaded 2006 in immaculate condition. And he was right - diamond white (one of three colors I like... white, silver, or most preferable - black), leather interior (also strongly hoped for), back-up assist, spotless, etc. The only trouble... it was a Buick. Yep, a Buick. Technically a Lucerne, which is the same car as a Chevy Impala... but still a Buick. I was skeptical. And I kept dragging my feet about the whole idea. But Dad was sold on it. "Just test drive one and give it a try," he said.

Okay. I will give the half-ton grannie mobile a try.

He was right. It was a nice car, with really nice features. Although the dealer asked if I had five kids to haul around, it didn't feel as cumbersome as I'd imagined. In fact, it made me feel very safe compared to the more economy friendly cars I'd been surveying.

I called to give him my driving report. "It's a little large, and maybe more car than I need, but I did feel extra safe in it, and that was really nice," I told him.

He then said that's what he liked about it too. That it scared him to death to have his kids out in bigger cities driving small cars with the chance of terrible accidents happening at high speed commuting. His words reminded me of how much he hated the frequent road trips and flights with I had with my previous job. He said it made him sick to think of me always on the road or in the sky.

Hearing him say that made me feel bad about how much I'd teased him about the Buick. Good parents are always looking after their children, whether a 7-month old or a 27-year old adult. As we grow up, go out on our own to find our way in the world, I think we forget just how much our parents still think about us, worry about us, and pray for us. And as much as we like to declare our independence and maturity, I'm thankful parenting doesn't end at 18 or even at college graduation. I'm thankful to have a Dad that wants to keep his daughter as safe as he possibly can, even when he's 389 miles across the state of Kansas. I'm even thankful for that silly Buick. Because to Dad, that Buick equals love.

easy, breezy, beautiful...

2011-01-18T20:49:00.001-06:00

Hello 2011. How quickly you snuck up on me.

I'm a resolution writer. Mom had our family making yearly goals for as long as I could write sentences. As a teenager, it annoyed me - completely. I whined and griped and carried-on like a 2-year old throwing a temper-tantrum when she had us sit down at the kitchen table and make our list. As a pretend adult, like many other things, I realize Mom might have known best. Plain and simple, goals help me get things done. And although I like to wander, I also find fulfillment in accomplishment and dream finding. Try as I might, lofty ambitions don't fall in my lap. I have to work for them. And having goals has been an motivator and encourager. Probably more than anything, goals are great reminder of where I'd like to be and some options on how to get there.

I had five specific resolutions for 2010, each of various forms - volunteering, 10:30pm bedtime, making time for daily meditation and prayer, etc - some of which I followed through on, some I barely did, and the whole get more sleep thing... not even close. But I also had an overall resolution. I borrowed it from a fellow blogger at The Adventure Monkey. He completely inspired me throughout the past year, and I wanted to once again share his mantra - as a reminder of how I lived a life worth living in 2010, and how to continue doing so in 2011:

'Today I refilled my little desk calendar with 365 more days. All the sudden, I had a moment. "This was a pretty good year," I thought. I need to do things for real on this next set of pages. I need divine inspiration, a spark of ingenuity to turn these ideas of mine into actions. I can't bear to live in this cage and change the calendar in 365 days. I am going to go for it next year. I will live as it is for an important reason, a purpose. I will not give up... This is the year that ideas must turn into actions. These next 365 days I dedicate to a life worth living.'

The first resolution of this year is to cancel my Netflix account. I found a direct correlation between how many movies watched in a month to how little I blogged in the same month. It pretty much took over my evenings, sleep, and social life. So effective today, no more discs in the mail. Or instant watch. Or... okay, I miss it already.

But it feels good to blog again. More frequent blogging is a goal as well. A little dose of free-time and inspiration can go a long way.

time machine...

2010-12-15T14:12:00.000-06:00

When I was younger I journaled all the time. Almost every night I'd tuck into bed, lay on my belly, and pour my heart out on the college-ruled lines. I'd fill up large FiveStar 3-subject spirals with pages and pages, front and back, of brain flow. The adventures of my 5th grade through high school years were diligently described in sparkly gel ink and doodles. I wrote primarily about boys. Naturally. And quite a bit about my girl friends too. Oh, the drama! Oh, the horrible poems I wrote and painstakingly rhymed line after line.

Eventually some of the notebooks had to be destroyed due to being discovered. I had been careless and kept them in a not-secret-enough hiding space. Pillow cases - not a good place! The vulnerability of having so much raw emotion exposed left me extremely wounded and I ripped the pages into itty-bitty shreds, not willing to take the risk of them being read again.

Nevertheless, I continued journaling. In college, blogging took over much of the physical writing and has continued being my primary tool of brain flow, although about twice a month I still get out pen and paper and attempt processing my thoughts the old fashioned way. Occasionally I think back to those journals. All the pain, excitement, and naivety they held. Sometimes I wish I could go back and read them. To see how things have changed. If I've grown up, if I've followed my 16-year old dreams, the lessons I've learned and how the past has shaped me. I forget so much of my past! Sometimes I want to laugh at how hard I thought life was, and read about all the adventures I had growing up.

So... imagine my surprise when, before Thanksgiving my parents had their basement ceilings redone. Trust me, this is related. I jokingly asked Mom if there had been any surprises in the ceiling in my room. She laughed and said, "Actually, yes. There were a few notebooks and journals up there. He sat them on your shelf."

It was my ultimate hiding place - the rafters above my closet in the basement. As a kid I had to drag over a chair and reach on my tip-toes to stick the books in the ceiling. It was also possibly, maybe - ahem - where I hid a bottle of Crown Royal after an upperclassmen snuck it to me (why was I drinking Crown as a teenager?! Seriously... I thought it was so cool). The hiding space was a pain, but well worth the effort. I was giddy to see the dusty journals again. That night I stayed up extra late, just like when I was little. Reading by the small light of my closet, all the stories and heartaches, and joys of me as a kid came alive. It was hilarious. And heartbreaking. And surprising. And seriously, so funny. I really wrote terrible poems! If I eventually get brave, I'll share some on here.

I did want to share one of the entries. Just because it's fun. And it wasn't all about boys for once. It was written shortly after Christmas and the new year of the millennium and it was cute for a few reasons:

1) I had finally started dating Brady, my high school sweetheart. The decision to date him had apparently been, from reading previous entries, a laborious thought process of 'should I or shouldn't I?'. Which is hilarious because as unsure as I was in the beginning, I ended up falling head over heels for him and was completely devastated when it ended (although I pretended I wasn't). And I can say that now because it's almost 10-years later, we've clearly moved on, and no one cares about high school relationships anymore anyway. I also read the journal pictured below was a gift from him. It had a lock - perfect for protecting my secrets, and displayed #55 on the cover. Which he wanted me to change to #65 because that was his football number. Geesh, we were so cheesy!

2) It made me smile about how excited I was to get a new camera. It was a great reminder that this whole photography thing has been in my blood for a long, long time. It was my first SLR. A Nikon N60. Film. I adored that camera. Many 4-H ribbons were won with that beauty. It also reminded me I was such a goody-two shoes I couldn't even spell *ss in my own journal. Some things never change.

3) Being Junior-class president stressed the heck out of me. I had totally forgotten. And then it all hit me at once... reading how thrilled I was to have class fundraising over. The joys of organizing Jr./Sr. Prom...

All in purple sparkly gel pen for your reading pleasure.

toast crunch...

2010-12-08T18:04:00.000-06:00

Last night I decided not to workout because my legs were hairy and my long workout pants were still drying. That's totally legit. One cannot risk hairy legs in a workout class. If the instructor had to make an adjustment, or the light hit just right... yikes!

Instead, I decided to make cinnamon rolls - a goal I'd been procrastinating for quite some time. My Grandma was a master baker and sold cinnamon rolls across half the state of Kansas. So, although baking fresh bread with yeast scared the jeebers out of me, it was time to give it a go. The process was more fun and actually simpler than I'd built it up in my head. I didn't kill the yeast, and also managed to roll out the dough in a rectangularish shape (my second greatest baking fear... rolling pins), so it was an overall success. Unfortunately the pan I used cooked the bottoms of the rolls a little darker than I'd prefer, so they weren't as soft and awesome as Grandma used to make. However, it was a great learning experience, and, my kitchen helpers made the process way better than cooking alone.

Pictured below - 1) Renee cutting the rolls 2) Rolls ready for the oven 3) Brian and Renee begging the rolls to cook faster; *please note I did not set up this shot. I honestly didn't. They were both kneeling in front of the oven salivating all over the floor. And no, that is not a bottle of Wellers on the counter. Also, no, we did not take shots in-between kneading the dough. While obnoxiously singing the 'Shots!' song by LMFAO. That would be silly. 4) Rolls out of the oven with frosting that set up before the rolls were finished. Even though it was extra thick, the frosting definitely tasted like Grandma's!

Thank goodness for cancelled workouts. And sugar.

pretty girl...

2010-11-29T21:18:00.000-06:00

Missy

2000 - 2010

Our one and only puppy

Daddy's dog

Eagerly awaiting his arrival each day

Tail wagging at top speed

Always a playful, happy spirit

You brought us much joy and laughter

Lots of slobbery kisses

Never turned down a belly rub

Or a good rabbit chase

May you rest in peace under the old pine trees.

fading...

2010-11-22T20:01:00.001-06:00

This weekend I was over at Kelly's celebrating Nathan's b-day (happy birthday to you!). As soon as I pulled up I noticed lots of red around her yard. So, in a most polite fashion I walked in, said hello, dropped off the beer and said, "Kelly - lots of red stuff around your yard... let's take some pictures!"

And just like that, we were out the front door with cameras in hand. The poor folks who drove by during our outing saw some strange scenes. It was so nice to having someone shooting beside me - I didn't look crazy alone. We had a ball. Now presenting, edit-free... Project Red, Take II.

tooth fairy...

2010-11-10T22:47:00.001-06:00

Weird things just happen to me on Wednesdays. Today - another great example. Part of the afternoon was spent in a dental chair for Round II of a root canal. So, a few shots later (uuuuuugh), my face was, again, as numb as could be. And yes, I mean my face. Up to my eyeball. Side of nose. Everything on the left side. Numb-o. Well, he finishes the procedure lickety-split, and I'm on my way. Still completely numb.

I then go to the bank drive-thru. I'd needed to deposit some checks for photo stuff. Had the form filled out and everything, in a hopeful effort to avoid talking to anyone while I could not feel my tongue. The guy on the intercom comes on, "Sorry ma'am. Some of the checks you are depositing are made out to your business name, but this is not a business account."

Me: Ushmm... yesshsh ith ishsh (wipe drool).

Him: No, it's a personal account. It's not coded as business, so we can't deposit these. I'm really sorry, we've had to crack down on this lately so you might have been able to do this before, but we just can't anymore.

Me: Ith ishishhs a busshinessh account. Thatghs what I sshhhigned ith up ash to begin withsh (followed by dramatic sigh. And more drool).

Him: I'm sorry, we don't have it down as that. You have two personal accounts and no business account.

Me: I'm schorry too becaushshe I when I creathshed thishs account I schpechifcally indicathed bushshiness. Why would I need thwo pershonal accounthss?

Him: It's actually really easy to change. You just have to close this account and open a new one. You can come inside and do it. It doesn't take long at all. I'm really sorry for the trouble.

Me: I'm scshorry too. Thish is wheediculoush! (Are you kidding me? Someone save me from myself... it just kept getting worse.)

Him: Thanks, and have a wonderful day! (translation: Hey weirdo, please quit spitting on the intercom and get out of the drive-thru.)

Then, with my last bit of pride, I parked the car, wiped off more drool, and walked inside the bank. Over an hour later I had an official business account and a little bit a feeling returning to my lower lip. When I asked Joe how he would know it was me when I called to be reimbursed for the checks I'd have to repurchase (which I was extremely frusshhrated about), he distinctly said, "Don't worry. I will remember you."

Oh boy.

morning glory...

2010-10-25T22:16:00.000-05:00

So, for those I'm not able to catch up with often - life has changed quite a bit in the last few months. For example - instead of meetings and phone calls, restaurant visits, early flights, and a bajillion emails, I now polish teeth (...would you like mint, cinnamon, blue-rasberry, cotton candy, bubblegum, pina-colada, or root-beer?), take x-rays, and assist with fillings, crowns, and cleanings.

And I work with a kick-booty dentist. Who, lucky me, loves photography too. So, when we have the chance, we gab about photography - ideas, struggles and our favorite shots. Recently, after Kelly visited the KC Plaza Art fest (and I sniffled about not being able to go) we had the idea of photo projects. We didn't want to get in the rut of always photographing the same thing (her = 4-month old, me = portraits & weddings) so we created a list of things to shoot.

First on the list was 'red'. Anything red goes, but the overall goal was to compose a photograph that someone might want to hang in their living room, or office, or maybe even the garage. Whatever. Just something cool that people could relate to and/or find interest in. I thought this project would be super awesome. I thought red things would accost me from every angle begging to be photographed. Turns out I was wrong. I think I went over three weeks without taking a single red themed photograph. I just couldn't find inspiration. And then finally, FINALLY, this weekend the wheels started turning. So, here's my 'red' project. I'd say it's incomplete... I'm looking for three to five additional photographs to accompany the set, but here's what's going on so far.

Leaf. I wish you could see photo up close... dew drops on the leaf, taken this morning.

playing favorites...

2010-10-24T22:37:00.004-05:00

Guess who I got to hang out with this weekend? Oh yeah, this girl!

She is so awesome. And her Mommy and Daddy are too. I just can't get ENOUGH of her cute little face!

under pressure...

2010-10-13T22:21:00.000-05:00

Another wonderful Wednesday. Had a massage scheduled this morning. She was about to work the leg muscles when I bashfully muttered something like, "I'm so sorry... haven't shaved the legs... really embarrassed... ran out of time this morning... working on my winter coat...uh, uh..."

Being the kind person she is, the massage therapist responds, "Don't worry about it - it's really not a big deal. And this might not help you feel better, but, it's really just like massaging a man."

Ummm... definitely did not help me feel better. Instead it made me think of really hairy men's legs for the remainder of the session.

Razor - stat!

momma said there'd be days like these...

2010-10-03T23:04:00.002-05:00

Saturday:

- morning photo session

- flag football game (win!)

- observe friends' flag football game (another win!)

- picnic at Liberty Memorial with Laura Z (she spoiled me with amazing food!)

- Union Station meanderings

- confession

- therapeutic phone call

- Bridget and Kayla visit for brinner and a movie

Perfect poof clouds. Lots o' exclamation points. Life is so good.

balance...

2010-09-29T22:34:00.000-05:00

I wanted to give a peek into my life. The stuff that makes me happy and peaceful and full. Days like today. Nights like this one. It just makes me so thankful for the gift of life, for friendships, for wonderfully perfect weather.

I am blessed to have Wednesdays off. Each week, like clockwork, a day off in the middle of the week. How crazy is that? And, for the most part, they are just the best days. Not because it's a chance to sleep-in, or be a bum, or have a marathon TV series session.

The days are much too precious for that. Instead it's my time to be purposeful. There are things that need to be done, of course, but whatever it is - it's done with purpose and joy. Morning Mass, meditation, and restful solitude. The most extraordinary way to begin any day of the week. Calm, peaceful quietness. Coffee with a friend usually follows. Maybe for an hour, more likely two. The farmer's market, which happens to be open Wednesday mornings (hello fresh peaches - yes, more please). Then back home for a few hours of photography-focused progress. Ordering, emailing, editing, educating, planning. And then a nap. Definitely a nap. Thirty minutes to avoid bad-nap grogginess. No one likes bad-nap grogginess.

Roommates come home. Play cribbage and pretend to forget we were going to workout instead. Paint nails with purple sparkly polish. Roommates note how (ahem) classy it looks. Try to shuffle cards with wet nail polish. Fail. Take a walk to make up for the cheese and crackers consumed during cribbage. Soak up the most gorgeous, most perfect temperatured weather known to man, also known as autumn. Exclaim loudly about how awesome it is and how you can't get enough and never want it to end.

Walk to friends' house who's having people over for wine and snacks. Converse too long then walk back in the dark. It's okay - roommate was loaned a head lamp. Talk about boys and God and relationships and bras and joys and frustrations and life all the way home.

Read the comics and the advice column of yesterday and today's paper. Laugh with roommates about our favorites. Successfully complete the Sodoku. Let out a little whoop. Well, it's only Tuesday's puzzle, but still...

Attempt completing roommate's freshman theology exam she recently gave in class. Have little success, but learn things in the process. Write brain-flow post about this day and how all days should be like this. How every day should be purposeful, restful, joyful and, at least part of the time, spent in good company.

Read myself to sleep.

yellow submarine...

2010-09-26T22:22:00.002-05:00

There is nothing I quite enjoy more than spending the weekend with my family. Even when enduring treacherous lake waves, lightning bolts, and full-speed ahead rain pellets against our already shivering and shaking bodies, if we're together, we're happy, and usually laughing. Even when we have to raise the question... "Dad, hypothetically speaking, if this boat were to flip over what, exactly, should we do?" At least it's with the ones I love. Have mercy.

Praise God we made it safely to the dock. Two hours later, blue skies.

good to see you, my old friend...

2010-09-19T09:10:00.002-05:00

Hello world.

autumn soundtrack...

2010-09-14T22:13:00.001-05:00

My roommate and I walked to the library Sunday evening. Amongst our footsteps the sounds of crunching leaves could be heard throughout our journey.

When did that happen?

I wanted to, but there was no denying it. Crunch, crunch. Step, step, crunch.

Fall is on its way.

where the wild things are...

2010-09-09T22:21:00.001-05:00

Thanks to all my friends who love me during my crazies. Have mercy.

And thank you for laughing with and/or at me when I tell you all the weirdness that run through my head in a given day.

I would be a whole lot less sane without you.

may flowers...

2010-09-06T11:25:00.004-05:00

It's Labor Day, and the rest of Monday will consist of laundering a big ol' pile of camp-fire smoke filled clothing/towels/sleeping bags, finishing up edits on a recent wedding shoot, and practicing diving board tricks until the pool pass expires. But for now, I have one precious hour to blog about this summer. One of my best to date, starting in May. So here's to bathing suits and fro-yo, slalom skiing and many, many cooking adventures:

In May (okay, I just looked this up - it was in April... so not exactly summer, but I'm counting it), my parents and I headed to K-State to celebrate the dedication of the Leadership Studies building. I was part of the program during my time there, and received a minor in Leadership, so it was awesome to see the gorgeous addition to the campus. We used to have classes in an old home that had been (sort-of) renovated to host classes and meetings. The program grew from a few students having an idea, to a flourishing bustle of activity that plays a big role throughout the campus - I think over 1,000 students (or a lot more... I couldn't find the statistic and didn't want to exaggerate). And all of that is wonderful and cool, and I'm happy to see it, but the real reason we made the trip was because a photo taken during Liz and my trip to Kauai was selected as artwork in the space. It was so fun to see that thing blown up and hung in the hall. I was just getting things going with photography and definitely needed a boost in confidence. We had a great time roaming around campus and Aggieville. Every time I return, memories surround me at every turn. Ah, college.

We then left for Kansas City and had to get Mom to some shopping. Poor thing - her nearest shopping strip is in a neighboring town 40 minutes away, and the options... they're slim. You should have seen her eyes when we pulled up at Legends. During lunch at Cheeseburger in Paradise, she was decorated by balloon man as a butterfly. Cracked me up.
Dad and I headed to beautiful California for a mini-vacation. We both needed a break, and had an awesome trip - especially returning to Ocean Beach and all things we loved about that place from our trip a couple years ago. The original reason for the travel was to attend a photography conference in Newport Beach. Escalate Live was very cool - great speakers, inspirational presentations, and total immersion in all things photography. It was intimidating at first, but definitely worth the experience. While I was in sessions, Dad cruised around the area and found fun things for us to do in the evenings. Riding bikes along the beach, taking a baby-cruise around the harbor, and - my favorite - flying kites at night on the sand and watching the blue waves crash in. Pretty much perfect.
And then there was Memorial Weekend. It was incredible!. To celebrate Bridget's upcoming wedding, and her last month as a single lady, the bridesmaids planned a trip to Lake of the Ozarks. It was just what the doctor ordered. Our rental home was perfect - it had a huge, beautiful deck, a sunny dock and paddle boat. We spent two days immersed in sunshine, magazines, books, and girl talk. And our paddle boat only almost capsized once. We had to send out a rescue crew with a 5-gallon bucket and a floaty raft to rescue us.

Okay, my hour is up and we're at the end of May. Next up, June and all it's glory.

two bare feet on the dashboard...

2010-08-31T21:45:00.005-05:00

Say what? August 8th was the last post in this silly, random, whirlwind of a blog? What, exactly, is the dealio with that?

This girl is a s-l-a-c-k-e-r. That's what.

I became so overwhelmed at all the photographs I longed to post (which takes forever and three days to upload...), and the stories I couldn't wait to share, and all the adventures of the summer I wanted to document so I could reminisce when I'm gray and crazier and my memory doesn't serve me so well - that I just couldn't make myself spend the time in front of the computer screen to chug through it all. So, instead I did nothing. Not even a mini-update. Just... nothing. I hid in real life, with my beach towel, my frisbee, and every last drop of sunshine I could gather, and stayed as far away from little Mac as possible.

Eventually I felt guilty for my slackerness. And I still wanted to share my stories. So hopefully, really hopefully within the next week I'll have settled down and tended to the blog. No promises though because (WARNING: somewhat related passionate tangent ahead)...

We're losing approximately two minutes of daylight. Every! Single! Day! So get out there people - enjoy the beautiful weather, the disgusting humidity, the heat. Because it's fading quickly. And pretty soon we'll be tromping around in boots and seven layers of sweaterscoatsandwoolstockings complaining that it's so blasted miserably cold.

Go outside! Go play! Remember what it was like to be a kid and soak up this sweet summertime. Get off your duffs, away from the television and computer monitors and comfy air-conditioning. Just pretty please live up summer while it lasts!

And I'll get around to posting as soon as my pool pass runs out...

north star...

2010-08-08T22:37:00.000-05:00

It was an incredible, beautiful, and wonderfully athletic weekend at the lake. My shoulders and ribcage feel stretched beyond capacity, and my sinuses are still filled with algae-green lake water from frequent crash and burns. But we conquered. Slalom ski, wakeboard, knee board, and skis - we conquered.

Lawn chair naps, fire-pit grilled burgers, Big Dippers, and ghost stories - we conquered those too.

I don't wanna be back to civilization.

But I don't WANNA!

joy to the world...

2010-08-06T00:11:00.005-05:00

About 7pm this evening I had the dorkiest smile on my face. The kind that doesn't happen everyday. More so just at Christmastime when you're five years old and waiting oh so patiently to unwrap the (hopefully, pretty-please-I'll-never-ask-for-anything-again-in-my-life) Cabbage Patch doll. That's what makes those smiles special and extra dorky when they do come around.

I had just met the guy who is going to be developing my photography brand. He is awesome. Awesome, awesome.

AWESOME.

Oh, and that's why I didn't get around to posting the summer in review photos today. That and a lot of other reasons. There was no time for little Mac. Too much life happening this beautiful day. Perhaps early next week. I've got a lake to get to this weekend...

the sweet life...

2010-08-05T00:34:00.001-05:00

It's not my fault I'm up this late. It's not my fault and I will regret it terribly in the morning. Should have known better than to drink strong coffee at 8:30pm. And now that I'm awake and all sorts of reflective, why not a quick post... A friend of mine recently stumbled upon the ol' blog, and mentioned how it's been up since 2005. I sort of laughed and thought, yep, kinda crazy. But I didn't really think about it until my caffeine-buzzed drive home. 2005. A Little Spark of Madness has been a part of the Blogger society for five years. Then for a second I felt old. And then I got over it (uh, for the most part).

So I looked it up when I got home. Turns out he was right... in seven more days the blog is five years old. Sort of funny the whole thing got started in order to post and share photos with friends and family. Yes, that was because back then Facebook didn't have a photo uploading option. Or photo albums period. (Gasp - there was a time Facebook didn't have photo-sharing capabilities? My word. What did we do with all our spare time? Mighty good question my friend... )

Thanks to everyone's readership and support through the blog. It is a joy to share my life with you, and for you to endure all my ramblings and musings... I'm very grateful.

The celebration will be marked by posting a plethora (and I do mean plethora) of photos from the happenings of this spring/summer, hopefully by tomorrow sometime. So help me slow-downloading function, that I do not pull out all my sun-bleached hair by the time that post is complete.

Happy five years and 287 posts.

someone has a case of the...

2010-07-26T22:29:00.002-05:00

Monday's aren't supposed to be this good. Lucky for me, sometimes they aren't half bad. Here's how it went:

1) Polished and flossed my first 'real' adult patient today (many friends and family of the dentistry team had to be my pretend patients). It went pretty smoothly. Other than me sweating up a storm under those scrubs and the hot light. And putting my mask on inside out. I was nervous!

2) Very, very cautiously I sat in my car after work. It was hot in there - stifling. The sun had been blasting it all day long. I held my breath. If I inhaled, I would have to endure the rank, sour milk still roasting in my car mat. The only problem - at some point during the five mile drive home, I had to breathe. Oh boy. It started as a slight sniff. Quick, shallow. Just enough to keep from passing out. Hmmm... it seems... all clear? A deeper sniffle. Again, nothing. Not a whif. It can't be! The newspaper trick worked. Mom told me to crumple up newsprint and place it on the spill. I left it overnight. And wah-lah! It works people. I'm telling you, the newspaper works. I hope you never spill milk in your car - never, ever, ever - but if you do, remember the newspaper trick. Mom's always know, don't they? Thanks Momma.

3) Made a milkshake for dinner.

4) Met an awesome future bride and groom tonight. They were just happy and warm and fun. And easy-going. I didn't want our conversation to end. Big dorky smile on my face when I left the coffee shop.

Happy Monday, indeed.

BONUS: Jen and I stumbled upon this lovely and vast Christmas in July yard display during our walk yesterday evening. Uhhh... 'tis the Season!

don't cry...

2010-07-25T21:18:00.000-05:00

About a week ago I spilled milk in my car. Not much, maybe a half a cup from a travel-mug I was bringing to work for my coffee.

Oh. My. Gosh. Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh. There is the most wretched, gag-inducing stench infiltrating my poor little car!

WRETCHED!

I wish this fate upon no one.

imma be, imma be, imma imma imma be... a photographer...?

2010-07-24T22:09:00.002-05:00

Today was the KC Wedding Extravaganza extrodinaire-thingie-boppie-dealio at the Overland Park Convention Center. It was fun - lots of excited brides (and not quite as excited but tolerating grooms-to-be), well-designed booths, beautiful gowns and flowers and photographs. I was helping out at Erica's booth for The Flower Girl promotion. Our booth smelled the best, hands down (because Erica is amazing... she is, and I know I'm biased, but she still is. She's talented, folks, and she's going places. I know it). And just when I thought I really didn't care for roses... I get introduced to the Garden Rose variety. Aahhh. So yummy.

During the expo I ran into an acquaintance friend of mine and she asked if I was with a photography company, or just shooting on my own. And after telling her what I told her, I just wanted to kick myself. Right in the shin. That's sort of difficult to do, but if I say something like it again, I'm going to try. Or maybe have someone else kick me instead. Bah!

I've noticed each time someone asks about me pursuing photography as a career, I totally downplay it. "Oh, you know, I'm just doing it on the side for now. Nothing too crazy. We'll see what happens. Maybe eventually it will take off but I'm just seeing where it goes."

That's such bologna bull-hockey. Such a cop out. It's me totally not expressing what I truly want and how I really feel because I'm afraid someone will doubt me. Or judge me and my dreams. And I'm scared to death I'll see the thought, "yeah, you and hundreds of others I know trying to turn a hobby into a paycheck... gooood luck with that one," flash across their face. I don't have the guts to say yes - I know that sounds crazy, but that's okay. Because I am determined. I'm doing things differently. I'm approaching it slowly and confidently, and I'm going to do it better. I'm not going to get stuck in mediocrity, and I'm going to keep pushing myself... way beyond my comfort zone, beyond the naysayers, beyond the expectations. Yes, I really want to say all that. Or at least convey that confidence (no one really wants to hear all that chatter, I know). But I'm a big stinkin' chicken. And dilly-dally around my words and fret and wring my hands instead.

I believe God gives each of us talents, strengths, and gifts in some crazy combination that no one else has. I want to use what I've been given to the very best of my ability. And even though I'm not sure what all that will involve that's my true desire, and I know it's going to be quite a ride. So when I say I'm sorta-kinda working on this photography thing and hoping it will maybe, eventually, someday work out, what I really mean is - I am more than thrilled at the opportunity to pursue this dream - I'm incredibly grateful for this point in my life, and I can't wait to discover God's plan for my journey. Not in a kinda-sorta way, but all the way. And if photography doesn't end up being part of the plan - I'll know, because I'll have given it my best shot and have nothing left to give. And if that's the case, it will just fine with me.

Whatever it is I'll do it with white teeth - because working at a dental office while I'm kinda, sorta, doing this photography thing on the side sure has its perks.

i'm sorry, you have reached a number that has been...

2010-07-23T20:59:00.002-05:00

I left my phone at home today and I missed it a little... wondering what planning for the weekend texts I'd be missing, and who had called throughout the day. I raced home through rush-hour traffic (thankfully full of green lights this go 'round - yay!) and ran upstairs to the little black flip-phone sitting on a lonely corner of my desk. Quickly flicked it open to see what I'd missed.

Then ate some humble soup for dinner.

Which brings me to the second wonderful thing that's happened since the job change. My phone doesn't ring. Well, not often anyway. Compared to the 30+ daily that used to be the norm. Back when my head wanted to fall off my neck in order to stop the insanity. Can anyone say sigh of relief? I can - ten times fast. Now, when it does ring, it's always a friend. Or my Momma saying hello. Or Dad calling with a funny story. And it's so weird. Like a mini-birthday gift each time the ringer sounds. No more flinching or cringing. No more crammed full voicemail inboxes. Just real, happy conversations with friends and family.

Aaaaand. One more thing. This phone only needs charged once every three days. Compared to evil Blackberry who required - no I am not kidding - three charges per day. Ah, the bliss of it all.

Okay, now back to my humble soup.

Please ignore the stain on my dress. Ahem. It was Fourth of July. Lots of food flying around. Craziness and celebration. I don't know what happened. I don't want to talk about it. Just appreciate the Americana of it all.

smokin'...

2010-07-21T22:52:00.000-05:00

One of the benefits of having the new (er... gently used for the past twelve years) car back my possession - it does not have a thermometer. Perfect for the sweltering, absolutely stifling 106 degree days we've had in Kansas City recently. It's so dang hot I don't even WANT to know what the temperature is. Thank you little car for sparing me the knowledge.

Swanky black Volvo tended to torture me with such information.

go shorty, it's your... uh, nevermind...

2010-07-20T22:06:00.000-05:00

Today was exciting. After years of wondering, tippy-toes, and stretching the truth on high school sports rosters, I finally learned my real height. The kind without tennis shoes or socks, or thin flimsy flip flops. I think a part of me I didn't even know was missing was been fulfilled. All 5'3" of me, happily feels more complete.

Thank you Nurse Faith for taking me back to the scale/measuring tape thingiemajig in the hallway to solve that mystery. I'm really grateful. Really a whole lot. And thanks also for wanting me to take pictures of your puppies. You pretty much made my day all the way around.

say aaaaaaahh...

2010-07-11T23:04:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow starts (approximately) Step #39 on the life change checklist. It's my first day on the job after four years of human resources and my first new job since college. Soon I will be flossing and polishing teeth! (I'm not sure exactly how soon "soon" really means, but I will be, soon enough - volunteers welcome.) After talking to people about my new gig, many of them look at me and cock their head to the side as if asking, "uhh... say that again - you're doing... wha?"

I'm really thrilled at the opportunity of working with a friend in an office that is uplifting, busy, and very patient-oriented. The window view doesn't hurt either. ...Or the fact that I get to wear scrubs everyday. I'm thrilled at the opportunity to learn new things (so far here's what I've got: you have - typically - 32 teeth in your mouth. They are numbered starting with #1 at your top right molar and working around your mouth counter-clockwise to your bottom left molar, #32. I'm excited to be challenged and stretched with something totally foreign to me. About the only thing I know about teeth is they should be brushed twice a day and flossed daily. Don't tell my dentist - sometimes (often) I floss instead of brushing at night. A friend guessed it's because it's rewarding to me - to see the gunk squashed between teeth all day finally set free. She's probably right. I'm weird like that.

And so, new adventures await. Molars, incisors, gums, and cavities beware. I've got a whole lot of learning to do.

i've got sunshine...

2010-07-09T23:43:00.003-05:00

Back in the day. Waaaaay back - think Eighth-Grade-twelve-years-ago-ack!-back - my Dad (and Mom) took a great big leap of faith. Dad was working at the gas company. To my youthful understanding, his job consisted of recording meter readings, fixing things that broke, and occasionally going on calls out of town to fix other things that broke. Now, Dad is insanely amazing at fixing broken things, but working there didn't bring him fulfillment. He was dissatisfied, longing, missing something. He and Mom prayed. And prayed and prayed. And eventually made the decision to leave his job, go back to school, and eventually start his own business in heating and air-conditioning. I can't tell this story without mentioning how truly incredible of a feat this was on my parents' end. Picture this: Mom, working at the hospital as an administrative assistant (equals great benefits, not-so-great pay), Dad, now out of work and paying for tuition. He temporarily moves to a different small town in Western Kansas and lives in the dorms on campus. Yep. Living in the dorms at age 39, Dad moved in with a 20-something roommate and began his college life. This also means our family now had a more measly income than it did before. And we seemed to manage okay. I don't remember being traumatized over much (okay, maybe I threw a few fits about not getting to have numerous pairs of jeans from the Buckle or being forced to buy my own Dr. Martens, but other than that... - I mean come ON Mom! I'm going to be in high school next year and in order to have any chance of being socially accepted because of super-artificial qualities like brand name clothing, expensive jeans and shoes are my only hope - DUH!). I actually was traumatized by one thing. Turkey. Momma made too much turkey for Thanksgiving (gobs of way too much turkey) that year and she loaded up ours and Dad's freezer full of turkey surprise leftover meals. We had turkey noodle soup, turkey casseroles, turkey enchiladas, turkey + anything else that's in the pantry is fair game meals. You name it, just switch out the typical protein of choice with... gobble gobble. Yes, I'm scarred. I just recently started eating turkey again. Thanksgiving has never been the same.

I don't know what it was really like for Mom and Dad during this year of Dad at college. I just know it had to be hard. Crazy, challenging, difficult, lonely. Dad came home every weekend. He drove two and a half hours one way, arrived home late Friday evenings, spent time with us, then headed back Sunday night. Every single weekend. He didn't even miss a single volleyball/basketball game I played. IN EIGHTH GRADE! Have you watched eighth graders play either of those sports lately? Sorry, I had to pause from typing to stifle a yawn. We played our best, but we were hardly super-star athletes. And Dad traveled to watch every game, rain or shine. Hello, unconditional love and support. I hope one day I'm able to understand that kind of dedication and sacrifice. I'm absolutely thankful for all the sacrifices Mom and Dad made throughout that year. What a doozy. Then, almost as quickly as he began, Dad graduated - top of his class! He moved back home, and he and Mom started the new adventure of owning their own business.

I share this with you in order to help you understand, maybe a little more fully, where I'm coming from. My parents and their life are one of my greatest inspirations. Not just because of what they have accomplished in building a business - that's not even the half of it. It's because of who they are as role models, teachers, risk-takers. They have allowed me to grow and be challenged. They make time to be together, and always make time for our family. They sacrifice - their time, their energy, their plans - in order to build stronger relationships, friendships and family. They put God first. And they allow us to dream. They understand money is not the important thing. Success is not the important thing. They even recognize security, in the traditional sense, is not the most important thing. Instead, being wise with what you've been given and living a life of fulfillment - surrounded by those who support you, love you, make time to be with you - is what matters. Finding your talents and treasures and sharing them with the world is important. Being in relationship is extremely important. Life is in those things.

And that, my friend, is why, after six years with an incredible company, an amazing brand and wonderful people to work with, it's time for me to say goodbye, and follow the call - the unexplainable pull - to find a life of fulfillment - in family, relationships, work, and play.

Thank you Mom and Dad for your sacrifices and love in showing us what's important in life. I am insanely grateful for your unending support of my crazy dreams. I want to be just like you when I grow up. Ummm... if I ever grow up.

garden blend...

2010-06-17T14:38:00.009-05:00

And now for the cucumber soup... I wanted a refreshing summertime side dish for meals, and this recipe in Real Simple looked intriguing enough to give a whirl. It blends basil (from Jana's garden - yay!) and jalapenos and onion and lime juice. Salt and pepper. Sour cream. And lots of cucumbers. Don't wrinkle your nose. It is really good! My roommate Renee says so. Cucumbery, or course with a melding of basil and lime juice followed by a deep but brief and unexpected heat from the jalapenos.

flippity...

2010-06-17T14:20:00.006-05:00

Time for another quick update. Yesterday was a cook-a-thon for Renee and I. I had a few recipes I'd been wanting to try, and she wanted to master crepes. So away we went. The kitchen was crazy chaos for awhile, but eating crepes for breakfast and lunch made it worth it. Side note - next goal is to document everything with the same directional layout. Not loving this horizontal/vertical combo thing going on. Oopsies.

kalamata...

2010-06-16T23:27:00.000-05:00

Hi. I'm behind on posts. Or ahead on photos or something. Either way, there is a lot to tell/show, so I'm attempting to do so quickly. A few things to note. I love food - cooking it/creating it/ tasting it/making yumminess. I really like trying new recipes that seem to have the flavor profiles that never let me down. So prepare yourself for lots of food photos. Renee and I are cooking up a storm this summer. Hold onto your seats. Also, I don't know if anyone really wants recipes so I'll spare you, but if you do, give me a shout and I'll post.

First of all - the Overland Park Greek Festival. Again, food. But not anything I prepared. There were also dancing groups of all ages, and lots of shouts of "Opa!" It's a can't miss event. Come Denver or KC, at the Greek Fest I shall be.

serenity...

2010-06-16T21:37:00.003-05:00

By mistake I started a personal project. It's called carry my camera with me (almost) everywhere I go, and when the spirit moves, take photos. It started with the drive through Abilene to Justin's farm. The puffy clouds and vivid green wheat - I couldn't pass it by. I had too many times before, and missed the privilege to share the breathtaking scenes. It continued with the journey to Western Kansas. The thick rain clouds, the setting sun, the old windmill. I had to stop. Pulled over on the country road, breathed in the wonderful country air, and felt simply surrounded by peace. No noise. No distractions. Just quiet, simple peace.

Yesterday it happened again. On the way back from Lawrence, before stopping for fuel in DeSoto. The gas station was to the left. And for unknown reasons I went right. The curve in the road took me past old buildings and rumbling semi-trucks to a barb wire fence and a blocked of entrance with a 'DANGER - Do Not Enter' warning. There were also purple flowers (uh, weeds). In the ditch and on the edges of the road. And there goes the camera. Click clickety click. A strange peace again. I'd like to think of it as God's way of saying slow down - look around at all this beauty that I've created. It's here for you to enjoy. Just make sure you take time to do so.

And I thought I could do a small part by passing on the beauty via a blog post. Not much maybe, but a little something to share.

when the lights go out...

2010-06-09T23:58:00.001-05:00

Ah, the last couple months have been filled with such great stuff. I feel guilty for not sharing more often. There's so much more, but I was going through photos tonight and wanted to quickly share. So, in order of occurrence, not importance... 1) Mom celebrated a beautiful birthday last week and Dad took us all out to the Kirby House in Abilene for dinner. It was so yummy... salmon and dill something or other with mashed potatoes for me. Wow. We left as the sun was lighting up the bright orange sky. 2) Amber, her sister, Tiffany, and I secretly whipped up homemade ice cream while my Brother and Dad distracted Mom in the living room with really boring stories. They actually didn't have to try very hard though, because the one margarita Mom had at dinner had her dozing off like a little bambino. We woke her up with 25 burning candles. Possibly excessive, but she blew them all out! 3) The sun set as I left a friend's farm Sunday evening. It was too beautiful to let the moment pass by. Sometimes you just have to stop the car and breathe it all in.

Quick disclaimer I put on the photo blog as well - I'm not editing photos before posting (I haven't been for awhile, but wanted to make it official). You're just getting the real me, and the real shots. Plus it challenges me to be a better photographer in camera, instead of in editing. Don't judge me. Okay, that's all.

we'll leave the light on...

2010-06-07T22:49:00.001-05:00

Wowzers. It's my last night in St. Louis. Many, many days and nights have been spent here in the past two years. It's strange to be in the middle of the last hoorah. We had dinner on The Hill tonight, with all the fixin's. The Area Manager drove us all around his stomping ground when he was a kid. Loved it.

One more flight, and the travels are done. One more hotel room and the overnights are... over.

I'm trying to soak up every last minute, wondering if I'll miss it when it's gone.

liberation...

2010-05-27T21:41:00.006-05:00

It's a story I've wanted to tell for a long, long time. It's one I've held back, struggled with, and kept stuffed away. And I feel it's unfair, that this thing - this burden, this weight, this heavy gauze - has been impacting me for so long, and I haven't felt the comfort or safety to share it in an honest way. I feel it's unfair because I haven't been completely real, and to me authenticity is a vital part of our individuality that's necessary to share with others.

Two years ago I moved to Kansas City. I know I was called there. I knew right away. Even though the decision didn't make much sense, I just knew. My heart was at peace. I moved for my job. I moved for a promotion. And I moved for a challenge - personally and professionally. I had no idea exactly what that challenge would look like, but it didn't take long to find out. My job stretched and tested me in ways I could have never imagined. To sum it up without a lot of, 'this is what I do for a living' jibberish, let's just say the film Up in the Air hit waaay too close to home. And it was a beautiful wake-up call to the change that was kicking, screaming, and begging to be known.

I'm thankful for the opportunities I've had with a company that's a passion-brand, trendsetter, and industry leader. I'm incredibly appreciative of the people who make the whole thing go 'round. I've met so many wonderful people there, and I'm absolutely most thankful for them. So many passionate people working insanely hard for a company that demands excellence. I'm proud to have been a part of that. It was an adventure in and of itself.

That being said, it's also a relief to finally walk away. I want to apologize to everyone. I want to shout out from the mountaintops, "I'M SOOOORRY" to all my friends, family, co-workers and even acquaintances I haven't had the chance to turn into friends - I haven't been myself for the last two years. For those who have met me within that time frame, you haven't met all of me. There's a lot more here, and it's been trapped in a heavy, thick gauze that kept parts of me hidden and foggy and tired. So, so tired. And finally I'm walking away.

I.

Feel.

So.

Free.

As if with every step another layer of gauze loosens, the plaster cracks, my eyes shine. I feel like my smile is bigger. Like it truly stretches further than it has in a long, long time.

I.

Just feel.

So free.

So to all of you - any of you who have encountered me, opened up to me, befriended me in the last couple of years - thank you for accepting me in my bruised puppy-dog state of mind. Thank you to my roommates who have tolerated very frequent travel absences, to my close friends for enduring ongoing mental processing (over and over again), and most graciously, thank you Mom and Dad - your support always means the most and having it has been crazy-valuable during these turbulent times. Thank you for believing in me and encouraging me through my darkest nights.

I can't wait to show you all more layers. Watch out world - I don't even know what's next.

it was an itsy-bitsy teeny-weeney...

2010-05-26T22:49:00.000-05:00

Crap-o. I was so proud of myself today after work. I've been putting off quite a few errands, and today, instead of going to the gym which-I-haven't-gone-to-in-forever-anyway I decided to take care of business. After stuffing my purse with a to-do notebook, now overdue library book, and a bank envelope, I headed to the shoe repair store to get a pair of heels fixed and holes punched into a belt. Then went to my favorite alterations lady to have her work on four items that needed some love. As soon as I walked in she said, "ah, another wedding?" Sheesh - she remembers me and my dresses...? Impressive. Yes, I respond - I need to get the bodice taken in; it's gaping open at the top. She shoos me into the fabric covered changing room, and I pull on the dress. Then I try to zip it. And it doesn't zip so easily. What the...? Three months ago this was falling off my body.

Oh. Not-going-to-the-gym-in-forever-anyway causes things to not fit like they used to. Awesome. So I embarrassingly walk out of the dressing room and let her know, that although I once needed the bodice altered, now I only need the straps shortened. Double awesome with a strong dose of humility.

That was all the motivation I needed to reel it in a bit with what's lovingly entering my mouth. And also to finally make plans to go to the gym - even though every fiber of my being screams to stay far, far away.

Bah.

Humbug.

sitting in a tree...

2010-05-23T23:39:00.008-05:00

I see London.

Ahem.

I see France.

Who knew this blog would even cover underpants?

Bridget and I met on during a 4-H trip from Kansas to Washington DC. At first, I thought she was a stuck up and didn't want to talk to me (hey, she later admitted thinking the same of me). But after spending a few days as roommates in our DC accommodations, we became fast friends. I'm quite confident our fate as best friends was sealed when we realized our high school crushes were both named Brady (haha Bridge - oh the stories we could tell!). And unlike typical camp friendships, we thankfully stayed in touch throughout the next school year, and ended up going to the same college thereafter. Nine years later (um, wow!) we live in the same city and still make time for girl talk, life talk, job talk - whatever. She's pretty much my job mentor. And although neither of the Bradys worked out for a permanent gig, Bridget did find someone far surpassing all the qualities poor high school Brady could ever offer (no offense to him, of course), and will soon be getting married to a man who complements her beautifully.

So we must celebrate. A party is in order. Bridge's singleness must go out with a bang. And dorky me couldn't wait to make invitations. Something not too cheeky, tacky, pink, glittery or rhyming (bleh). Something that gets the point across - we're going to have a fabulous time together being classy, sophisticated, and tasteful. Did I say tasteful? Classy? Oops, I meant helloooooo lingerie shower. Nothing says it better than a bejeweled pair of black unmentionables on the front on the invite. Holler.

Bridget's first visit of many while I lived in Denver. Oh what fun we had at the corporate Christmas parties.

the ocean blue...

2010-05-15T19:45:00.003-05:00

About to embark on an adventure of epic proportions. Well, epic for me anyway. Headed to Californ-i-a tomorrow. Dad's coming with me. He just decided yesterday, but I'm superdeduper glad he did. Really, really glad. He's a wonderful traveling companion. Coffee and newspaper in the morning. Nap in the afternoon. Explore. Then kick it in the evening. My kind of vacation.

There's more to tell, but for now - packing. Did I say pack? I meant panic. Panic! So much to do, so little time. Must get going.

The photograph is a tribute to our 2008 trip to California when Mom, Dad, Aunt Vicky and I experienced one of the greatest vacations of all time. The picture makes me want to melt away to la-la dreamland - probably one of my favorite clicks, for whatever reason. Just, dreamy.

if we took a holliday...

2010-05-12T22:12:00.002-05:00

Back from St. Louis. Voicemails are cleared out. Highlighted emails have been selected and viewed briefly. Most texts have yet to be answered (though nothing unusual there, as some friends might attest...). I feel like I've been gone for weeks - and could sleep for the same.

Although the two-days were busy with work stuff, Tuesday evening, thanks to some great, "I know a guy" situations, our team enjoyed almost six hours of everything Cardinals. On the field for batting practice, special beverage drinking room, wearing a World Series champ ring, and eating enough ballpark food to make us all feel a little sick. Or was that due to the Astros kicking the Cards hineys in the last three innings? Ahem, that definitely didn't help. It was a beautiful night though, especially since we were all anticipating downpours throughout the day. Not a cloud in sight until a dark ominous poof rolled in at dusk. It passed by without a drizzle or drop.

Nothing screams summer like baseball and cold beer. I'll take more please.

forget it...

2010-05-11T23:47:00.000-05:00

Nevermind my last post. I'm not getting any better at avoiding my space cadet ways. Left my cell phone in the car at the airport parking lot. Doh! Now I'm in St. Louis and my phone is in KC. This has been a pain in the hiney.

(And actually - secretly - it's been wonderful. I missed being able to talk with Mom in the morning, and there are a few friends I wanted to call tonight, but besides those important people, not having a phone today made me a better person. I wasn't able to chronically check emails - it's a sickness to which I've found no cure, I didn't have to glance at it every five seconds to see if anyone had called or text, and I didn't even have the ability to keep track of time, because my phone is my wristwatch. So pretty much, I just enjoyed life today, free of the neck cramping device that I loathe yet barely live without. It was such a relief to enjoy the Cardinals game - minus them losing - without wondering every other moment if an email had arrived or how many voicemail messages I'd need to return tomorrow morning. In reality I really do love me some simple life. But seriously, keep this on the downlow. I'm trying to act like this no phone thing is miserable, but maybe it really isn't so bad afterall.)

sodium intake...

2010-05-09T11:38:00.001-05:00

I often find myself doing really dumb things. Asking obvious questions, totally spacing important tasks, or just doing things an awkward way. I don't think of myself as ditzy or spacey though. Maybe I'm in denial. I guess I'd have to take a poll of close family and friends to be sure. Wednesday night for example. Friends in from Denvervisiting and I'm pumped. I was going to meet them at my house, prepare dinner, then hit the road to make an early morning work event in Wichita. The wonderful Renee, my roommate and other house chef, finally got me over my fear of gas grills (seriously, I still have dreams about the gas igniting and my hair combusting into flames when lighting the thing) so I've been very into grilling lately. Plus, it just tastes waaaay better than most cooking methods. I've also been into using buffalo for burgers. Not much of a red meat eater anyway, buffalo has the great perks of being extra lean and not treated with growth hormones, so it's a win-win for me. The side dishes were Caesar salad and sweet potato fries.

My wonderful momma (Happy Mother's Day Mom!) taught me to boil potatoes first so they soak up with more water than oil, so I brought a big pot to boil and got the potatoes to work. The meal was good. Overcooked the burgers a little (blasted - I hate doing that!) but they were definitely still edible. And the fries. Umm. Wow, yeah. Making those again.

So, our household is on a small, not-quite-everyday mission to reduce our waste, compost, recycle, etc. And during the clean up of yummy dinner, I wondered what I could do with a big pot of potato water, full of nutrients from the sweet potato runoff. I was convinced, and told my guests as well, that I'd heard somewhere the water is really good for plants because of the added nutrients, and your houseplants really benefit from it. Well, I love me some house plants (much to another roommate's dismay) and the few I have were in need of TLC anyway. So in goes the nutrient rich water. Ah, the plants will be so happy. And then seconds after I pour in the last drop, I remember all the salt I originally poured into water to help flavor the potatoes. Uh... pretty sure salt kills plants.

Good job to me. Bravo. Brilliant. Helloooo. Where did my brain go?

In not-so-ditzy news I had a awesome weekend. Laura and Hilary's visit was wonderful, and they toured KC like nobody's business. Friday night was spent at the Boulevard Drive In with Iron Man 2. Beautiful evening, good movie. Felt like I was back in time. Oh, and Doritos and Oreo junk food fest. Yum yum yum. Ultimate Frisbee Saturday morning (we won!), Oklahoma Joe's for lunch at the original and, just decided yesterday, my favorite BBQ in KC. As a night cap we dusted off our boots for much needed dancing at D&D to celebrate Renee's birthday.

Aaaaand, I was able to sleep in this morning. Ah. Rest. How I enjoy thee.

I'll be working on my space cadetness, and keep you posted on the life of the plants. So far they're hanging tight.

nothin' but blue skies...

2010-05-02T20:36:00.013-05:00

Wheelie bags and three ounce containers. Flight itineraries and security checks. Belts off then belts on. Terminal to your left. Seat on your right. Window or aisle? We've reached 10,000 feet. You may now power on your electronic devices. Cell phones in airplane mode. Peanuts? Beverage? We've begun our descent. Please power off anything with an on/off switch. Welcome to (fill-in-the-blank). Thank you for flying with us. Car rentals on your right. Baggage claim to your left.

I travel a lot. Too much maybe. Often by air, almost as often by car. Airports make my head spin. The check-in process is down to a science and Southwest makes it about as easy as it can get (love them), but each flight sucks the every ounce of energy straight out of my body. Zap. Poof. Gone. Insert dark undereyes, dehydration, exhaustion.

Which is why I'm so thankful for the times I'm able to get away from it all. Escape the world of movers and shakers and instead just be. This weekend was one of those. After a late evening arrival to KC from St. Louis, I continued the trek west to Central Kansas to spend quality time with friends. It was wonderful. Their little girl is growing up so fast (holy cow she's walking!) and they've put a lot of work into their home - it's always fun to come back and see the changes. We played a lot, cooked a lot, and even took naps in the backyard (it does not get better than snoozing on a blanket in the sunshine). An evening barbecue was quite the treat - so many kids running around and babies napping and laughing and playing.

On the way home I stopped to visit Justin and Amber on the farm. They won't be there much longer (buying a house in town - yay for them!) but I just love the drive out there. Today was no exception. Perfect clouds. Perfect temperature. Sunroof down, windows down - soaking in every minute. I didn't want to leave. Tomorrow is another day on the road. Another morning beginning hours before the crack of dawn. Weekends like this one are my refuge and my happy place. I can't wait for another.

you scream...

2010-04-27T22:23:00.000-05:00

I am never allowed to buy Edy's Girl Scouts Thin Mint chocolate ice cream again. Never ever. Ever. Ever. It is definitely not making me thin. It's making me sick. Thank the high heavens it's being sold for a limited time only. Open mouth, insert spoon. Repeat indefinitely.

Blasted. Swimsuit season, here we come.

time trials...

2010-04-26T01:12:00.000-05:00

Today was fulfilling. Peaceful. Rewarding.

Some work buddies and I participated in the Trolley Run this morning. Had breakfast after, and coffee. Delicious coffee. Then spent most of the afternoon editing photos and working up a DVD presentation. Good day for it, as the clouds were heavy with rain and the sun was afraid to shine. I could watch the great outdoors all from the comfort of the dining room window.

This week is going to be long, but the weekend sure was nice.

Even went to the RiverMarket farmer's market. Bought a carton of crazy-good strawberries. I had forgotten how real strawberries taste. Oh, that's right. Like pure awesomeness.

i am woman...

2010-04-21T00:37:00.004-05:00

Today was a big day. Last night I purchased an external hard drive for little Mac so he could have more space (yes, I've used that as a break-up line too). This morning I formatted the new hard drive and felt like a bad ass. Yep, I did. Bad. Ass. And with only one call to my tech hotline in the process (aka either Doll or my brother... this time Doll) I felt like I'd accomplished something from complete scratch. Something I, twenty-four hours ago, knew nothing about.

Rwar.

And tonight I had an engagement session with the cutest, sweetest couple. Ah, they were so wonderful and took beautifully fierce shots. Can't wait to dig into those this weekend. It's like candy to me, sorting through all the photographs and selecting the best. And now that the photo files have a new home on Happy Place (I named my external hd, okay? It's weird, I know, but it means the world to me as I could not operate with it...) And, just for fun, attached is a photo from the shoot. I don't usually cross my personal blog with my photography blog, but eh, what the heck.

I just can't help myself.

Nighty night.

so lost without you...

2010-04-19T00:05:00.000-05:00

My precious little MacBook is plum full and has no room for even an itty bitty file on it's hard drive. Which is incredibly sad to begin with, but even worse that the photos on the Nikon have to sit patiently on a memory card until I purchase some external hard drive space. Sniffle. Seriously. I'm uploading from that thing about every other day, now it all comes to a screeching halt.

There are worse things in life, absolutely. And I'll survive. I sure hope the Seagate external drive I have in mind goes on sale soon. Until then, blog is pictureless.

Did have a fabulous weekend though - parents came to visit, stayed in Manhattan Friday night, then worked our way up through Topeka and my cousin's volleyball tournament, to Kansas City. Where we shopped a little too much, took naps and read at Loose Park, then went neighborhood cruising around Brookside at all the beautiful homes I would someday like to own. Someday. Like in ten years.

don't give me no pop...

2010-04-15T21:58:00.008-05:00

You could say I'm quite obsessed about all things food - eating it, figuring out how it was made, consuming responsibly raised meats, and trying recipes beyond ground beef and casseroles. Before tasting something I've made my roommate typically points, wrinkles her nose, and says, "What is that? The things you make are just... weird." Thank you, I'll take that as a compliment. That's why I was ecstatic (seriously, like a little kid on a field trip) our work group recently spent a beautiful morning at Shatto Dairy - a family owned farm just north of KC where the cows happily munch grass in green pasture and are not injected with the growth hormone rBGH

You might have noticed the Shatto milk brand on the shelves of Hy-Vees and specialty grocers in the Kansas City area. Their brand is cute and clever and the milk is packaged in beautiful glass bottles with quirky words that make me smile. If I wasn't a fan already, (I was, but my nearest grocery store doesn't carry it - darn them!) after touring the dairy I was hooked. The family operation is incredibly transparent. The tour began in the milking area, which milks twelve cows at a time (I think... forgive me if some of my logistics are off; I was going a little crazy with the camera at this point). They start at 3am (no thank you!) and shuffle over 150 cows through in record time. Next we had the opportunity for everyone to milk a heifer. It took me a few tries before having much success. And although it wasn't exactly as I thought it might be, I could see someone getting the hang of it pretty quickly with a few practices.

After petting baby calves and enjoying the patio out front via porch swing, the tour continued through the rest of the facility. My favorite part, of course, the cheese cave. The room is set up - temperature, humidity, mustiness - to perfectly mimic a cave. Apparently this is the best environment for cheese to hang out in and get more delicious by the minute. If you haven't tried Shatto cheese, um, get your booty to the grocery store. Pronto - go! It's delicious. And it supports a local farmer.
The last leg of the tour was taste sampling. We tried Rootbeer Milk (awesome, awesome, awesome) and Chocolate Milk (even better) and vanilla ice cream. It doesn't get much fresher than that.

Our tour guide was actually with farmer who started it all (Leroy, I think...?). He is a laid back, hilarious, and completely down to earth guy who, quite frankly, is humbly dumbfounded at the huge success his dairy has had. If you look around it's easy to see why it works so well - he has a wonderful, delicious product and he does things the right way. Leroy isn't looking for shortcuts; he just wants the best product his cows can provide to land in the hands of the all-consuming public, as soon as it possibly can. And he works his butt off to do so. No wonder the Shatto craze is catching on.

If you're looking for something out of the ordinary to do over a spring or summer weekend, set up an appointment with the dairy and spend an afternoon at Shatto! Pack a camera and pack a lunch, then be prepared to enjoy life in the slow lane for a few hours. Heck, even the drive out there had me forgetting all my work-filled woes. And don't come back until you've reached homemade ice cream nirvana. Ah, food bliss.

thank you sir, may i have another...

2010-04-13T22:07:00.002-05:00

Before thinking I've gone more than nuts for posting a photo of a miniature Beanie Baby penguin named Zero, I shall explain.

I'm detoxing my life, my closets, my cubbies. All this stuff - crammed in boxes, shoved into corners, stacked on shelf upon shelf, in every nook and crannie of my existence. I'm over it. Done-do over. Over the clutter. Over the dust collectors. Over the distractions.

This weekend was the first installment of uncluttering my life. I went through piles, threw out things until it hurt a little, and even resorted to the, "hey, take a picture of it so you'll keep the memory and not the stuff". So, therefore, my friend Zero, who has lived in a shoebox for over a year, had his picture snapped and waved goodbye (can't you tell he's signing off?). Hopefully he'll soon have a home with someone who loves him dearly. I love who gave it to me - Dad, a couple of years ago for Christmas (because I had a very weird obsession with penguins awhile back... it's not my fault, SeaWorld made me) - but I don't love having too much stuff. And I hold a special place for all things Dad gives me, because he's not typically the gift giver; that's Mom's department. So when he picks something out all on his own, it's really special, because it must have reminded him of me, and it's a reflection of how much he cares about his kids. But it doesn't equal Dad's love, and I know he won't be upset it that I'm not keeping it forever.

The continuous process of uncluttering my life now consists of analyzing every purchase, maybe to the point of annoying myself a bit. Do I NEED this? Do I really, really NEED this really cute, difficult to find, perfect beautiful THING to set on my beautiful, perfect and expensive SHELF, because that SHELF needs more THINGS to set on it. Do I really NEED it? Really? OR...

Will it sit there collecting beautiful, perfect dust? Most of the time it IS a dust collector, and I don't need it. I just really wanted it. So it's stays on the shelf in the store. And I can admire it every time I return without spending a hot-diggity dime.

Don't get me started on shoe consumption... I have a minimizer plan on those as well. But I'll save it for another time. And yes, I'm a girl, and I love shoes too. Perhaps I just don't need as many...

exhale...

2010-04-11T22:08:00.000-05:00

Some days are hard, but then again, some days can't get much better. Like this whole weekend. Sunshine, bird-chirping, sandal wearing bliss.

Deep breath in. Aaaahh.

And I cleaned out closets. And drawers. And basements. Triple aaahhh.

someday...

2010-04-07T22:46:00.001-05:00

Tonight is a lonely night. Thoughts spin around my head until I feel dizzy and disoriented. And although it's quiet in my room, even throughout the house, my mind reverberates with loud, clanging and unconnected pieces and parts. I want to sleep but haven't been sleeping well. Last night I dreamt I was in an airplane when the engine stalled and we began free falling. I started praying, preparing to die. Everyone around me was doing the same. At the last moment the engine caught and we swooped upward, seconds from crashing into the city below. Immediately after realizing we were going to be okay, I swore off flying forever. I felt better after that, peaceful almost. Like I had some sort of control in this crazy life - I never had to get on an airplane again.

Maybe I'm homesick. Above is a photo of my Dad taken Easter weekend. It's his playful sad face. I think it's his basset hound face... imitating our beloved puppy, Missy. Or maybe it's because he couldn't find enough hidden eggs for his Easter basket. I loved being back, loved spending time with the family cooking, playing, storytelling. Just being. I wish they lived closer, so we could just be more often. I hope they know how much I love them. How can you ever show someone enough?

good company...

2010-03-21T00:32:00.002-05:00

This week has been a little piece of wonderfulness. It's my last night of puppy/house-sitting, and I'm snuggled up in piles of beautifully patterned sheets, quilts, and duvet (hey, I like heavy covers. Plus it's SNOWING outside and I'm sure to be warm). There's a dim, warm glow from the small antique lamp adorning the night-stand, and I'm ten minutes away from dreamland (as long as the dreams aren't as strange as last night's. Or the night before that). Even though it snowed today (and keeps on snowing) it seemed just about perfect. I had breakfast, read, played the piano (they have a piano here... ahhh), and read some more. Then I took a wonderfully rejuvenating nap. The living room was bright with multiple the windows reflecting the brightness of the snow and whispery flakes falling all around. The house was quiet and peaceful even though I could see the trees blowing haphazardly with the forceful wind and unexpected gusts. The puppy snuggled up extra close and we snoozed contentedly, letting time tick by casually - such a rare treat. This week has been fun, and although I'm ready for home, the time away was good. Necessary. And it's been fun. The mother of the home loves to cook, and she has the greatest dishes - about anything you could want to prepare, she has a beautiful pan/pot/bowl to present it in. So Thursday a few friends came over for dinner. They were graciously patient, as the meal was almost two hours behind schedule. Eeks! That's so terrible, I know. I obviously grossly underestimated how long everything would take to prepare. We even got started right around 5pm, and I had someone helping me! Nevertheless, the guests brought over delicious wine and we chatted while I finished creating the evening's meal. On the menu:

Hor'devours
- traditional bruschetta
- bacon wrapped apicots with sage

Main
- Caesar salad
- chicken wrapped spinach and mozarella
- gnocchi with sauteed zucchini and squash tossed with pesto

Dessert
- apple pie a la mode

So, the items didn't necessarily come from the same food category, but they all melded together well.

Erica and Gerard even brought over flowers to cheer up the table setting. Erica has her own floral company, The Flower Girl, and I'm just the lucky friend who gets to enjoy her talents. Both her and Gerard chose orange arrangements with green accents. The displays completely lit up the room long after dinner was over. And the cats like to eat the flowers too - seems to be a two for one deal.

Finally, and quickly, here's a peek at my office this week. I love all the light this house receives - all the white. Everything seemed so bright and fresh. And the sweet little puppy sure made things nice as well.

puppy love...

2010-03-16T22:46:00.001-05:00

This week I have the privilege of dog-sitting little Laker. She's six months old, cute-cute-cute, and follows me everywhere. I can't get enough. It's going to be tough telling her good-bye!

pow-pow.

2010-02-28T22:50:00.002-06:00

The past week has been a whirlwind. Lots of travel, but a lot of fun. Last weekend I met the family in Denver for a quick ski trip (part II - yay!). It. Was. Awesome. We visited Copper Mountain, and Mom found a wonderful spot very close to the slopes. Laura and Jon met us for dinner Friday evening, and Sara joined soon after. Skiing three days was a dream, and thankfully we woke up to four to six inches of snow each morning - our skis were aching to float through the fluffy stuff.

Our legs, however, almost weren't up to the task. The altitude in addition to not being in shape quite as much as we'd planned had our muscles and lungs begging for oxygen. The first two days we hit the blues and blacks on the east side and headed there the third day as well. But the first run down, instead of feeling rejuvenated, we were pooped. So we changed gears and pointed our skis down the greens. That's when life became oh so sweet. We found a huge terrain park with beautiful rolling hills - you could go as big or small as you wanted. I get thrills from feeling my skis leave the ground, even if only for moments, so each go 'round I'd push off a little stronger and get a little braver. Ahh, exhilarating. I'm a sucker for an adrenaline rush. Although we had a wonderful time, I definitely missed having my brother along to challenge me to races and throw snowballs while I wasn't looking. He was taking care of Amber, who was recently diagnosed with Crohn's disease (thank you for all your prayers!) and unable to make it. We're grateful Amber is on the road to recovery - she's had a great caretaker during her time in the hospital.

The mini-vacation was great though - we skiied our hearts out during the day, Mom had warm soup waiting for us at lunch, and we'd make it out for a few more runs until the lifts closed. The evenings were relaxing - cards and united cheering around the television during Olympic competitions. Life is good.

In other exciting news, the Red Team was declared CCS Champs in the Dodgeball Tournament that wrapped up yesterday. Unfortunately the win was surrounded with controversy as one of the final play's calls (or lack thereof) was not supported by the sideline onlookers. And, without going on a crazy rant, the calls the entire game were less than stellar, and the first few were definitely in favor of the Teal Team. Regardless, dodgeball is a difficult sport to call, and the game ended as it did (I was still on the court so I have no idea what happened). We went undefeated the entire season, and I loved playing on the team. Go Red!

I'll fill you in on the other recent happenings soon - quick run down:

- home from Denver Monday evening
- back to Denver Wednesday for work appointment
- on to Phoenix for HR meeting Thursday and home again late Friday night
- tomorrow off to StL for a market visit
- and then... I shall sleep, and give my suitcase a break

Nighty-night.

poker face...

2010-02-16T21:35:00.003-06:00

Happy Belated Valentine's Day. Hope you were able to celebrate. The neighbor boys invited us (after we asked) over for wine and cheese, and ended up surprising us with a meal. Many others joined later in the evening, and it turned into an unexpectedly wonderful gathering of people. Upon my return home, and after checking voicemail, it was hinted to check the mailbox before the mailman arrived. And, hands down, best surprise Valentine Card ever. Below are photos of it, and a reenactment of the pink shoe/gold sock combination I busted out last night. I couldn't bear actually putting on the ensemble again, so it's a still-life shot instead.

Also, just a friendly reminder Ash Wednesday is tomorrow. What are you sacrificing - what are your worldly attachments? Mine - The Office, The Bachelor (lame sauce, I know), lots of coffee, and occasional Facebook time-wasting nonsense. How are you growing in relationship with Jesus? Me - I need steady prayer time and Adoration time, and I need it badly. What are you doing to reach out to others in need? Maybe writing letters to those in prison, in the military, or to someone you've lost touch with; perhaps preparing meals for the hungry or loving the lonely. Maybe it's finding the courage to swallow a pride pill and offer an apology to someone you've hurt, to an old wound that won't heal. What is on your heart? When we take time to listen, God is usually very clear in what he is asking of us. Let us not be afraid to hurt a little this Lent - to offer up ourselves in the hope of uniting ourselves to the Cross.

st. anthony...

2010-02-15T21:31:00.001-06:00

Winter is hard on me. Short days. Cold, bitter air. Just... brrr. So to pass the time and keep me busy I participate in a few indoor activities - dodgeball, spin class, and... volleyball. In fact, a few of us have been playing volleyball since June. It started with the game in the sand, and after three rounds of that it switched to court. Our 6pm games can be really difficult to make on time, so I typically pack my gear in order to not miss the game entirely.

Well, the last two games this has caused some problems. My packing (or my brain)hasn't been as stellar as usual. Forgot the sports bra last game. NOT a good idea. Totally awkward. Definitely not my top performance. And tonight, I forgot my socks. So I got to wear my lovely gold boot socks instead.

With my new hot pink Nikes. Wowzers. That, was hard on the eyes.

That's as exciting as my life gets. Check out rachellekuntzphotography.blogspot.com if you have some time to kill. Just uploaded engagement photos from a shoot in Denver. Enjoy!

screen lift...

2010-02-14T13:17:00.001-06:00

Hi! My friends, I think the days of dark blue dots are over. After almost five (!) years of blogging bliss, it's time for a change, a breath of fresh air. So I've been hunting blog templates for a couple of days (unfortunately I'm not savvy enough to design my own) and finally landed on one that suits my taste and style. Simple, clean, great fonts, etc. Now I just need to figure out how to move that flower thing (which I'm not exactly a huge fan of... something similar maybe, but not that) behind my blog title, or remove it altogether, or replace it with another grayish thing I like better.

Let me know what you think - is this change good or bad? And if you're indifferent, well... carry on.

Have a happy, snowy and warm Sunday. Oh - and Happy Valentine's Day! (I almost forgot until editing the blog's post options.)

jolly good fellow...

2010-01-01T23:42:00.002-06:00

The year is out the gate with a bang. I woke up at 10:30, had chicken noodle soup for breakfast (so good for the soul, especially when it's made by momma), and stayed in my pajamas all day. I probably shouldn't admit that on a public blog. Ah, but who's to judge. One of these days has been a long time coming. Finally able to catch up on a lot of little things otherwise pushed to the back burner, finally able to just kill some time. And when a slight panic attack snuck up on me from thinking the weekend was almost over, my Mac smiled at me with a friendly reminder - Friday, January 1, 2010. Aaaaaahh. Deep sigh of pure joy.

A quick year in review for 2009. It. was. tough. Sometimes I wonder - because of frequent moves, job changes, friend changes, life changes - how many know the real me. Because I think the past two years haven't really been me. Not all of me anyway. Shining moments, hopefully, but not all of me. There's something missing, and this year has been a reflection of what that might be and why. I haven't found any black and white answers. No solutions plopped perfectly in my lap. Unfortunately. Blasted I wish it were that easy. Everything seems so complicated, so many things intertwined and overlapping and confusing.

The central theme I keep coming back to is this life is short. Way too short (of course, I'm not the Maker and from what I hear it gets much better than this, but it still seems short). And I'm always worried it will end before I'm able to experience my lofty dreams and adventures. Not even just the big adventures - I'd absolutely l-o-v-e to take a Europe backpacking trip and experience Alaska's wilderness (don't worry, I'm still planning on it), but it's the small things too. Coffee with friends, refreshing conversation, long hugs, good books. And at times I become so overwhelmed at what I haven't yet been able to do that I stop doing anything. I feel frozen. And I stop living.

Today I was clicking around a few of my favorite photographers' blogs (big ol' time-wasting guilty pleasure). I stumbled on Adventure Monkey. It's the musings of a photographer who had been sucked into all sorts of corporate cubicle mindlessness, and strongly desires to take the plunge in following his heart and focus on photography - free-spirited, wide open freedom to shoot whatever and whenever. Around the same time he took up cycling like nobodies business, so now he cycles, discovers, and shoots. And if that wasn't enough, he lives (from what I can tell) somewhere in the middle of Kansas. So his entries, reflections, and photographs pulled me in immediately. A few posts ago he wrote about the new year and his expectations for 2010. It felt like he was writing it for me; like he pulled the words right out of my mouth for the world to see. So I thought I'd share, and in some way make it my manifesto for the year as well:

'Today I refilled my little desk calendar with 365 more days. All the sudden, I had a moment. "This was a pretty good year," I thought. I need to do things for real on this next set of pages. I need divine inspiration, a spark of ingenuity to turn these ideas of mine into actions. I can't bear to live in this cage and change the calendar in 365 days. I am going to go for it next year. I will live as it is for an important reason, a purpose. I will not give up... This is the year that ideas must turn into actions. These next 365 days I dedicate to a life worth living.'

In a more recent entry he also noted:

'It would be nice to say I came up with a great idea that will solve all my problems while cycling the hundreds of miles I logged this year, but that’s not the case. I am simply ready to live. Ready to try new things again. Ready to make goals and the plans to achieve them. I have realized that life is short and I only live once. I want to leave it all on the field. I want to try and fail rather than having regrets for never trying. I want to inspire others to remember the dreams they once had and realize the only thing keeping them from achieving those dreams is fear. Fear is not real, it is in our minds, keeping us from living.'

Yep, I'm ready to live in 2010. Ready to take off this painfully comfortable shell I've been hauling around the past two years. Ready to be me.

peace on earth...

2009-12-21T23:17:00.000-06:00

Tonight was our (now) annual Christmas dinner celebration with roommates of the BR/MC. We chose Julian, a new spot in Brookside serving delicious and unique gourmet comfort food. I almost want to momentarily turn into a food critic, carefully describing all our creative dishes and desserts. But... I'm not going to. Just know it really was delicious (except the mussels for Shawndra - but she tried!) and you should check it out.

I would rather instead reflect briefly on the joys and smiles only good friends bring. You know everyone is enjoying themselves when they stay long, long after the check has been delivered and paid. You know everyone is comfortable when they laugh a little too loud, tell stories they wouldn't tell their mother, and order whatever looks yummiest on the menu, without regard to caloric intake.

It was that kind of dinner. With those kind of friends. I'm so thankful. And I say that often, I'm sure. But I don't say it enough. It's been wonderful sharing Kansas City with you all, and I'm incredibly grateful our friendship has long outlasted the late night college rendezvous and ridiculous Aggieville adventures.

May you have a very Merry Christmas and know your friendship is an immeasurable blessing to me.

pump it up...

2009-12-09T00:09:00.001-06:00

Ummm... the blow-up snowmen, blow-up Santa Clauses, and blow-up Christmas trees are not only taking over our neighbors' yards and burning our holes in our retinas, they are also taking over the reason to celebrate the season.

What in this big, beautiful world is up with all those lawn decorations? When can we go back to a few strings of soft white lights framing the roofline and a sparkling tree in the window?

The calm, peaceful, quiet kind of Christmas cheer.

We could all use a dose this holiday season.

now i lay me...

2009-11-22T22:18:00.001-06:00

I would like to write tonight, but feel a little empty. Funny stories aren't coming to mind, and although I have an idea of the next post, it will have to wait for now. I'd like to share about the nice weekend in KC instead. It was a wonderful weekend. Friday was an evening with friends (thanks for letting me interrupt guy night to eat sushi with you - I always laugh more on those days than any other of the week). Saturday we escorted Bridget to the Paola bridal shop for bridesmaid dress hunting. I think we found them all within an hour and a half (we impressed even ourselves!) then headed down the street to a delicious cafe (Maria's... maybe?) We even found our shoes that day also. They are sassy and fabulous. I took them out of the box today just to peek again.

Last night I met with friends and co-workers to see the Zeros in action. They're an 80's cover band, and playing for our quickly approaching Holiday Party, so we wanted to check them out ahead of time. It's going to be quite a party!

This evening we had roommate dinner. It was my turn to cook. On the menu - Semi-cobb Salad, Smoky Chicken Corn Cakes (sounds strange, I know... but oh when you taste it...), and Cherry Popover with vanilla bean ice cream for dessert.

Now I'm snuggled in my freshly washed, Downy scented sheets; two pillows awkwardly propping up my neck. I'm ridiculously excited to have a decent night's sleep. Although I've been having terrible dreams lately, it will be a wonderful change of pace to have the full eight hours of lah-lah land opportunities.

And on that note... sweet dreams.

carry on...

2009-10-25T23:15:00.001-05:00

I feel like such a hypocrite. Just last night I was talking to friends about how strongly I feel online networking and instant messaging systems suck our time into a big black hole - spending hours and hours a day (track it sometime for a fun personal development exercise) perusing others' updates, checking out old classmate's new baby photos, trying to figure out exactly how that person knows another person. Just thinking about it makes my brain spin. But that's exactly what I spent a good hour this evening doing. Bah!

And as much as these communication venues have their place (believe me, Facebook has made it a whole lot easier to continue contact with people you've recently met) I'm worried we're spending much more time on the keyboard than over a cup of coffee. I worry we're living in this alter-reality world in which we discover so much information about our friends (or, I'd argue, acquaintances), without truly knowing them. We see their wild nights out in play by play or learn from an update they're having a bad day and are frustrated with their boss, but on an emotional level we have no idea who this person is, and not a clue of their true essence, passion, ideas, goals.

We click through pages and pages of people's information (and why some are so willing to provide so much... that would take an entirely different day to deal with) yet it's highly unlikely we'll even be invited to their wedding, or visit them after the birth of their first, second, third child. We won't hang out with them on weekends, or fly to visit them once a year.

Instead we sit, almost anonymously, behind a glowing monitor, making half-hearted attempts to re-connect with old friends, or sort-of-kind-of friends. We make funny wall posts, browse pages of updates, and try to connect the dots. We message things we don't really mean. We say things we'd never say in person. We criticize, we gossip, we waste our precious, precious time.

But I'd like to propose a change. A shift. A step back into the good ol' days. Back to a time when neighbors didn't call to see if you were home, but instead just swung by and knocked. Back to a day when we could just be with those we care about, or even those we'd like to know more, either goofing off or in great conversation - building friendships and trust in a very real, very personal way.

Someday I imagine we'll be able to look back on our lives (if only briefly) and analyze the choices we made and actions we took. I know if I look back and realize I've spent most of my time burning the midnight oil on Joe Schmo's Facebook page, after page, after page, I'll be more than kicking myself.

We were put on this great and beautiful earth to LIVE. And not just to live, but to live fully. Go out a make a difference in someone's life today. The real, in-person kind of difference. Be interested in them, learn about them, experience their feelings and frustrations and happiness. I guarantee that will feel so much better than having 574+ friends added online.

security check...

2009-09-21T07:09:00.005-05:00

I've been on a bit of a MidWest tour the past week, some of which lent itself to a few silly scenarios. One of which I'd like to share with you this fine Monday morning.

To preficit, I somewhat despise checking luggage. It's such an extra hassle - more lines to wait in before boarding, more waiting after landing, and just more stuff to carry around in general. So typically it's my life's goal to pack whatever I need for however long I need into carry-on luggage. Normally this is accomplished with no trouble and room to spare - overnight to STL, two days in OKC, no problemo. However, when trips are bordering a week or so, packing gets a little tight. Take this week for example. Headed out Tuesday evening for Oklahoma, flew to Denver Thursday evening, and am now at the airport ready to fly home. Six days no matter, I was not going to check baggage.

In order to do this I have to pack smart (the key is very few pairs of shoes - ballet flats work best), but I also cheat - just a little. I bring a wheelie bag and my bookbag (which I stuff with tennis shoes, books, hats, etc). And I also bring my purse/side-sling/whatever you want to call it. Obviously that's one extra bag over the limit. So, right before it's time to board I cinch my purse onto my bookbag and hand the attendant my boarding pass unnoticed. And don't worry all you frequent fliers, I don't take up any additional space in the overhead storage - the bookbag and purse fit under the seat in front of me, and no one is the wiser.

I've used this system for over a year now, and it's always been quite a slick process. Always, that is, until Thursday evening.

It started on the flight to Denver. I snagged a window seat with the perfect frame curvature to rest my weary head. Soon after a mom with little baby grabbed the aisle seat. Oh boy. And finally, to complete the happy trio, a large goateed truck-driver plopped right in the middle (he said he was lucky to choose us because we were little and he'd have plenty of room...). Anyway, everyone in the row was chatty and friendly, and at take-off the baby didn't even cry. Perfect, time to get in a little nap. Fifteen minutes in truck-driver elbowed my in the ribs and said, "you didn't expect to sleep the whole time did you?". No, no, of course not - that's not why my eyes were closed and my entire body was facing the window. Oh well, I'm up now.

Truck driver proceeded to entertain baby by playing with all of baby's toys and making lots of noises. Then truck driver realized if he pushed the flight attendant call button, baby looked intrigued and stopped fidgeting. So here we go. Ding-light-baby coo, ding-light-baby coo, ding-light-baby coo. I'm shrinking in my seat as the attendant call continues to go on and off, on and off. Very soon after two flight attendants, one from each end of the plane, literally run over to our seats and ask if we're having an emergency.

Nope, no emergency.

Are you sure? Usually when the call goes on and off five times in a row or more, it means there's an emergency; someone choking or something.

Nope, no problems here. Just doing what I can to entertain the baby. He likes it, see? Ding-light-baby coo.

Please don't do that again sir.

Fast-forward to landing. I was anxious to get off the plane, as Sara had been waiting at the airport for over an hour (her flight arrived earlier than mine). The mom had lots of baby things all over the place, so she asked if it's be okay to wait until everyone had left the plane. Sure, no problem. I made small talk with truck driver and waited (sort-of) patiently for the plane to clear out. When it was finally our turn, I made a mad dash to get outta there, and happily jumped on the train/subway/whatever at DIA to be transported to the main terminal.

That's where the actual problem began. I'm about to reach the place where friends and family wait longingly for their loved ones, when I realize (and momentarily stop breathing) - NO! I don't have my wheelie bag! Oh crap. Where in the world is my wheelie bag? Did I just let go and stop carrying it. Pretty sure I'm losing my mind. Had to go to the Southwest counter and get a pass to get back through security. Then go back through security. All the while Sara is waiting in the 45 Minute Parking Lot (for over an hour). I finally get through the A,B, and C terminals on the train, find the gate and talk to the flight attendant. She shakes her head - no bag. All the bags on the overhead belonged to the through passengers.

I really am losing my mind.

Did I leave it on the train? Did I forget to hold onto it on the walking sidewalk? Did someone take it on accident?

The flight attendant told me I had to wait until everyone boarded the continuing flight before she would check again. Ummm... that doesn't make much sense to me, to wait until the plane was super crowded with more bags and people. But, what choice was left? I sat, and continued thinking I was crazy - trying to remember where I left it.

Flight attendant went back in, then came back victorious - with the wrong black bag. Oh boy. She finally asked if I'd like to check myself. Yes please. I walked halfway down the aisle, looked to the right. There she was, in all her black piping glory, nametag and all. My clothes, my Chi, my shoes! Thank you St. Anthony.

An hour and a half after original arrival time, I hopped into Sara's car and off we went to Boulder. I can't thank her enough for her patience. And for the flight attendant allowing me back on the plane.

And now I know I'm only half crazy. And I won't forget my luggage again.

walnut bread...

2009-08-17T23:06:00.000-05:00

I finally figured it out! The low-fat blueberry muffins served at Mimi's Cafe has got to be partially made out of angel food cake. Try it sometime. I always thought they tasted kind-of weird. Not bad weird, just different than regular muffins weird. And tonight, while munching on a leftover muffin half, it hit me. Sha-bam.

happiness...

2009-08-03T00:00:00.001-05:00

Life always feels fuller with friends. Especially the kind who accept you for who you are - even when your hair is all crazy, your masacara is smudged, and you smell like you played softball for four hours. Ew.

Or the kind who let you put them to work painting tables and trim and doors. Those kind are pretty awesome too.

Or the ones who keep calling to workout with you each morning. Even when you're late almost every time; even though you whine that you can barely open your eyes let alone lift your arms to do lateral pulls while standing in an alternating lunge.

I often wonder if I tell people enough. How much they mean to me. How I love feeling free to laugh and tease and just be. How much listening to me process my wild brain and mish-mashed thoughts really helps me sort things out and feel balanced again. I could say it more. I should.

It's such a treat being surrounded by great friends. A wonderful, amazing blessing to have friendships, both near and far, to share this life with us.

hold the health...

2009-07-26T00:54:00.001-05:00

I just made my third McDonald's run in the last two weeks. And coming from someone who frequently considers vegetarianism and believes in the humane treatment of animals, I think I'm losing my marbles. Or my will-power. Or my decency. Or all three. Two of the trips were for vanilla ice cream cones, which has recently become a summer obsession, but tonight was a double cheeseburger.

And it wasn't even after-bar food. I was just hungry.

I found out this evening my friendly neighborhood grocer closes at 11pm (I thought it was open 24hrs. My bad). I had great intentions of making spinach and feta turkey burgers - which received 4.5 stars by the way, and as we all learned from last night, the stars never lie - but I was 17 minutes too late! And had to settle for whatever food I could get my grubbie little paws on this time of night. Which just happened to be the glowing golden arches emitting beacons of light and greasy temptation.

And now the guilt is kicking in. I've got to get off this fast-food kick. Or this spending money kick in general. It seems to be flying out of my wallet faster than I can say grande soy latte. And I can say that pretty fast.

After attempting some research on my profession, I connected the dots and realized the poor-eating stint might be related to job stress. Here's a quick, non-comprehensive description of my role as HR Lady:

Human resource professionals contribute to utilizing the skills and expertise of employees to an optimum level. They are also in charge of creating and maintaining harmony in order to maintain a pleasant and comfortable work environment.

And that, my friend, is a tall order.

Can I have fries with that?

rock salt...

2009-07-14T01:06:00.004-05:00

Maybe, hopefully, pretty-pretty please, the replacement cell phone will arrive tomorrow. It's been a difficult go without it.

Other than that, life is full. I love summer and all the sports it involves. I love BBQs and ice cream and the sun's warmth after spending all day indoors enduring icy air-conditioning.

And friends who knock on your door because they know your phone is broken.

And winning strategy board games against Nick (sorry Nick).

And not knowing what tomorrow will bring, but instead simply living and loving the moment. That's life in all its glory.

Summertime helps me feel alive.

deafening...

2009-07-08T23:06:00.001-05:00

Although challenging, not having a cell phone has been strangely liberating. I realized I'm tethered down to it throughout almost my entire day. I've been known to check it every two minutes for a new email. But all of the sudden - no email to check at stop lights, no calls to return after playing volleyball all evening, no voicemail to process through. I don't even know what time it is when I'm in my room, and my roommate has to knock on the door in the morning as a wake up call.

Strange, but I think I like it.

Just living, breathing, and taking in life. Instead of filling it with that tiny screen and tracking ball.

Ahhh.

This, of course, doesn't pertain to work. The lack of phone for the job has been difficult. Especially when there are phone interviews scheduled with out of state candidates tomorrow. And calls coming in every 10 minutes. When that replacement phone comes I'll be playing catch-up. But until then...

I'll just keep breathing in the odd silence that missing object brings.

uh... hello?

2009-07-07T23:54:00.001-05:00

My cellular telefono is on the fritz. And as I'm trying to figure out and fix all the problems that have led to the most excruciating neck pain of my life (bluetooth - check, new fluffy pillow - check, massage and doctor's visit - check check), I find it quite ironic that my phone, which I blame the majority of my painful problems on, happened to crash today.

I think it was providential.

For now - tomorrow I'll probably miss it, but for tonight, my neck thanks me.

bling...

2009-06-21T23:03:00.005-05:00

This week was strange, but good. Had to drive around a Chevy Aveo5 hatchback in Oklahoma City for two days. No offense to the poor thing, but it was one of the ugliest cars I've ever seen. We made a lot of u-turns. And I had Arkansas plates. So I'm hoping that excused my lack of direction and driving skill while navigating the city.

Also, went to Wendy's bachelorette party Friday night and had a blast. We went to Brick Town and enjoyed all the perks of being with a bride-to-be. No covers, and even a free rick-shaw ride (which was amazing by the way - 6 girls on a cart, one guy pulling. His name was Charlie. He's incredible.)

Part of the evening was spent on the dance floor. A tall, super-kind guy from India named Matthew kept me occupied. The best part was when a song I didn't recognize started playing. Matthew looked at me, his eyes shining, "This Indian song, this Indian song!" And he and his friends proceeded to show me how to dance to their beat. There was a lot of hopping on one leg and waving hands in the air. I laughed a lot and messed up a lot. And enjoyed myself a lot.

Side note - part of Wendy's bachelorette 'to-do' list while on the town was to get five guys to write down their marriage philosophy. I'm hoping to get the list from Wendy if she still has it, so it can be posted. It's hilarious - some were really sweet, and others quite practical. Who knew guys at bars could be so insightful?

The ones I remember:

- Make sure he's the one who takes out the trash
- Don't get married until you're at least 25

golly golly gasolina...

2009-06-17T22:51:00.000-05:00

The other day I drove away from the gas station - fuel nozzle planted securely in gas tank (second time this year).

It's really embarrasing.

Any then you get paranoia each time you drive away from the pump. Did I take out the nozzle this time? I think I did. Yes, I did.

Wait, did I?

Maybe I need to get more sleep. My brain is mushy.

she sells seashells...

2009-05-18T23:27:00.005-05:00

I haven't had a chance to sort through vacation photos, but I wanted to post a few for a quick peak sneak of the trip we took to Oahu and Kauai a couple of weeks ago.

A three-legged cat joined us to watch the sunrise. We named her Coconut.

There are chickens and roosters everywhere. They make themselves at home in any situation imaginable. You could be sitting on the beach, hear waves crashing, and then hear a cock-a-doodle-doo. It was really comical.

Sunset the evening before on our drive back from Hwy 560.

telephone...

2009-05-17T14:20:00.002-05:00

I often think life is such a great comedy. Yesterday for example.

Overheard clerk talking to co-worker at a convenience store in Russell, Kansas:

"When I eat at work I only buy cheese sticks or pork rinds. Everything else in here is so fattening."

Also, my Aunt Vicky passed along a story about Grandma I had yet to hear. One evening some of the family went out for dinner, and Grandma decided to have part of a bottled margarita drink the other girls were having. When Aunt Vicky and Grandma were later walking to the restroom, Grandma leaned over and said:

"Wow Vicky, that marijuana is really good!"

It's been one year tomorrow since she's been gone. I miss her. To celebrate her life, some of her daughters are getting together to eat really spicy Mexican food (Grandma's favorite) and drink "Marijuanas".

Cheers to that.

aloha...

2009-05-01T18:58:00.001-05:00

Hello swimsuit and flip flops. Good-bye laptop and cellphone.

bean bag toss...

2009-04-22T23:06:00.002-05:00

Finally, finally the weather cooperated and I attended my first Ultimate Frisbee pick-up game of the season. It was bliss. My lack of lung capacity was immediately apparent after two sprints up and down the field. By the end I was practically dragging my feet through the grass, barely able to pick up my feet, but I was smiling on the inside. Aaahhhh.

potpourri...

2009-04-21T22:06:00.001-05:00

I think my life is sometimes like my GPS. I have all the best intentions of ending up in the right place, but sometimes I sure take some crazy routes to get there.

Anyway, I keep wanting to blog, but I open up a new post and the creativity juices feel all dried up. I want to share and inspire and provoke and provide comic relief. But my fingers sit still on the keys. No clickety-clack, tap tap tap. Just quietness. Even though my brain is buzzing with chatter.

So I decided to just share some recent reflections (not brilliant reflections, more so just random) for now, until the writing bug strikes again:

- So what about this weather, huh? It's freaking incredible. I can't soak it in enough.
- Visited Denver, gorged myself on my first City Grille burger (and b-day brownie awesomeness with Laura & Laura) and later saw a gorgeous sunset over the mountains from City Park. Hotel reservation was lost. Slumber party instead. Bok choy.
- My room is a disaster and I'm contemplating getting a personal assistant. Okay, not really. But I've really thought about it. Still thinking about it.
- Going on vacation soon... definitely not prepared, but getting more excited. Liz and I are going to be brave. I hope.
- I have amazing friends. Amazing, amazing, amazing. I'm just so thankful. And it's beautiful to me that friendships just keep getting stronger beyond college. I thought after that things went downhill. Turns out, things can get even better.
- Ultimate Frisbee tomorrow - FINALLY!
- Will I always sleep with my stuffed animal leopard, Tabitha? Umm, I should delete that.
- I wish my family lived closer. I would bug them all the time.
- Does anyone know of a good hairspray that holds, but doesn't crispify your locks? No me gusta crunchy.
- Where in the heck do people find any sort of balance in their lives? Right now my balance-o-meter is all out of whack - ack! Hey, that rhymes.
- I get to see Piper this weekend! I cannot wait. Seriously. Seriously seriously.
- I'm dreaming of our family trips to the lake. It won't seem like summer until we've water-skied across the rippling waves.
- God is so good. So, so good.

Night.

can you hear me now...?

2009-04-11T02:28:00.000-05:00

It feels so good to be home. No matter how long the drive, the familiarity of Main Street (careful - only 20mph zone), Mom's kitchen, and Dad's pick-me-off-the-ground hugs are always, always worth it.

Plus, Justin and Amber made it back too. Even better. Now home feels complete.

Oh, and a big thank you to friends who keep me on speaker phone for over an hour in order to prevent me from falling asleep at the wheel while crossing the Great Plains. That's what I call awesome.

and action...

2009-04-04T00:09:00.000-05:00

Me, JVC Camcorders, and iMovie don't get along. At all. How difficult can it be to import video? This is nutso. I'm going nutso.

love...

2009-03-25T23:06:00.000-05:00

It seems as though birthdays lend to moments of reflection and recollections about one's life and the journeys that have brought you to this exact moment in time. Mom called this morning and left a voicemail about how thankful she was that I was brought into their lives twenty-five years ago. Of course, Mom is always warm and loving, always a kind word for my brother and I, but her had me thinking...

And I think it should be the other way around.

Thank you Mom and Dad, for bringing my life into this world.

What if I had never been given the chance to experience all this life has to offer? The valleys and peaks, joys and heartaches.

I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be on this great earth and actively participate in what it has to offer - all that is good, as well as that which is difficult. So many are never given the chance.

cuddlebug...

2009-03-22T22:36:00.003-05:00

This weekend I finally had the privilege to meet Piper Jalee, who was born February 19th to extremely proud parents Zach & Bridget. I drove back home this morning and all I could think about today was her - wishing I could hold her one more time to watch the funny faces she makes, hear her little grunts, and all the other little things she does to make those around her smile. It doesn't take much for her to entertain. There's something so sweet and joyful about a little baby - you just can't help but love them instantly.

It dawned on me that this was basically the only time I've even been around an infant for an extended period of time. And Bridget taught me well. She told me not to be afraid of them crying (usually she was hungry, a need that was quickly met) which was good, because usually when babies cry I freak out and quickly hand him/her to mom. Piper helped me out by not crying much to begin with, but if she did, it wouldn't last long.

There's so much to tell you about my visit. We celebrated Piper's 1-Month Birthday, shopped at Hobby Lobby for nursery decor, bought groceries, went to Lowe's, had her one month doctor's check-up (she was ridiculously cute squirming around on the scale waiting for her measurement - she gained two pounds in two weeks!), ate at Bogey's (holy monkeys the shakes there are amazing), took lots of pictures, and went for walks around the neighborhood. And Piper was a trooper throughout each journey. In fact, anytime she was in her car seat and in motion, she was a happy sleeping baby, which makes running errands about as painless as possible with a newborn.

...Somehow through it all, I was able to avoid diaper duty - phew!

I'm so thankful for the time I was able to spend with Piper and her family. It's so beautiful to see two wonderful people bring a child into this great big world. Piper - you have so many great adventures ahead, may you always know you are loved.

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of His hand.

evergreen...

2009-03-08T23:00:00.004-05:00

Daylight Savings Time can be exhausting. Today I was feeling a bit sorry for myself - my undereyes were dark, my body worn out. This evening however, my roommate humbly changed my opinion on the difficulty of losing that one hour of sleep.

She said, "You know, as much as I'm tired today from losing an hour of sleep last night, I am so thankful it's still light outside."

Hello. It was about 6:30pm. I had been staring out the kitchen window eating a bowl of cereal and appreciating the sun finally revealing itself through the clouds, and it never dawned on my that yesterday it would have been dark out.

What a wonderful feeling to have spring so soon on the way.

suzuki forenza wha...?

2009-03-05T22:29:00.000-06:00

Having a rental car is a funny thing, and it can lead to precarious situations. I can't wait to return this one back to Enterprise.

I miss the Volvo and all its wonderful delights. Like a horn in the middle of the steering column, right where I like it.