hold the health...

I just made my third McDonald's run in the last two weeks. And coming from someone who frequently considers vegetarianism and believes in the humane treatment of animals, I think I'm losing my marbles. Or my will-power. Or my decency. Or all three. Two of the trips were for vanilla ice cream cones, which has recently become a summer obsession, but tonight was a double cheeseburger.

And it wasn't even after-bar food. I was just hungry.

I found out this evening my friendly neighborhood grocer closes at 11pm (I thought it was open 24hrs. My bad). I had great intentions of making spinach and feta turkey burgers - which received 4.5 stars by the way, and as we all learned from last night, the stars never lie - but I was 17 minutes too late! And had to settle for whatever food I could get my grubbie little paws on this time of night. Which just happened to be the glowing golden arches emitting beacons of light and greasy temptation.

And now the guilt is kicking in. I've got to get off this fast-food kick. Or this spending money kick in general. It seems to be flying out of my wallet faster than I can say grande soy latte. And I can say that pretty fast.

After attempting some research on my profession, I connected the dots and realized the poor-eating stint might be related to job stress. Here's a quick, non-comprehensive description of my role as HR Lady:

Human resource professionals contribute to utilizing the skills and expertise of employees to an optimum level. They are also in charge of creating and maintaining harmony in order to maintain a pleasant and comfortable work environment.

And that, my friend, is a tall order.

Can I have fries with that?

rock salt...

Maybe, hopefully, pretty-pretty please, the replacement cell phone will arrive tomorrow. It's been a difficult go without it.

Other than that, life is full. I love summer and all the sports it involves. I love BBQs and ice cream and the sun's warmth after spending all day indoors enduring icy air-conditioning.

And friends who knock on your door because they know your phone is broken.

And winning strategy board games against Nick (sorry Nick).

And not knowing what tomorrow will bring, but instead simply living and loving the moment. That's life in all its glory.

Summertime helps me feel alive.

deafening...

Although challenging, not having a cell phone has been strangely liberating. I realized I'm tethered down to it throughout almost my entire day. I've been known to check it every two minutes for a new email. But all of the sudden - no email to check at stop lights, no calls to return after playing volleyball all evening, no voicemail to process through. I don't even know what time it is when I'm in my room, and my roommate has to knock on the door in the morning as a wake up call.

Strange, but I think I like it.

Just living, breathing, and taking in life. Instead of filling it with that tiny screen and tracking ball.

Ahhh.

This, of course, doesn't pertain to work. The lack of phone for the job has been difficult. Especially when there are phone interviews scheduled with out of state candidates tomorrow. And calls coming in every 10 minutes. When that replacement phone comes I'll be playing catch-up. But until then...

I'll just keep breathing in the odd silence that missing object brings.

uh... hello?

My cellular telefono is on the fritz. And as I'm trying to figure out and fix all the problems that have led to the most excruciating neck pain of my life (bluetooth - check, new fluffy pillow - check, massage and doctor's visit - check check), I find it quite ironic that my phone, which I blame the majority of my painful problems on, happened to crash today.

I think it was providential.

For now - tomorrow I'll probably miss it, but for tonight, my neck thanks me.

bling...

This week was strange, but good. Had to drive around a Chevy Aveo5 hatchback in Oklahoma City for two days. No offense to the poor thing, but it was one of the ugliest cars I've ever seen. We made a lot of u-turns. And I had Arkansas plates. So I'm hoping that excused my lack of direction and driving skill while navigating the city.

Also, went to Wendy's bachelorette party Friday night and had a blast. We went to Brick Town and enjoyed all the perks of being with a bride-to-be. No covers, and even a free rick-shaw ride (which was amazing by the way - 6 girls on a cart, one guy pulling. His name was Charlie. He's incredible.)

Part of the evening was spent on the dance floor. A tall, super-kind guy from India named Matthew kept me occupied. The best part was when a song I didn't recognize started playing. Matthew looked at me, his eyes shining, "This Indian song, this Indian song!" And he and his friends proceeded to show me how to dance to their beat. There was a lot of hopping on one leg and waving hands in the air. I laughed a lot and messed up a lot. And enjoyed myself a lot.

Side note - part of Wendy's bachelorette 'to-do' list while on the town was to get five guys to write down their marriage philosophy. I'm hoping to get the list from Wendy if she still has it, so it can be posted. It's hilarious - some were really sweet, and others quite practical. Who knew guys at bars could be so insightful?

The ones I remember:

- Make sure he's the one who takes out the trash
- Don't get married until you're at least 25

golly golly gasolina...

The other day I drove away from the gas station - fuel nozzle planted securely in gas tank (second time this year).

It's really embarrasing.

Any then you get paranoia each time you drive away from the pump. Did I take out the nozzle this time? I think I did. Yes, I did.

Wait, did I?

Maybe I need to get more sleep. My brain is mushy.

she sells seashells...

I haven't had a chance to sort through vacation photos, but I wanted to post a few for a quick peak sneak of the trip we took to Oahu and Kauai a couple of weeks ago.

A three-legged cat joined us to watch the sunrise. We named her Coconut.

There are chickens and roosters everywhere. They make themselves at home in any situation imaginable. You could be sitting on the beach, hear waves crashing, and then hear a cock-a-doodle-doo. It was really comical.

Sunset the evening before on our drive back from Hwy 560.

telephone...

I often think life is such a great comedy. Yesterday for example.

Overheard clerk talking to co-worker at a convenience store in Russell, Kansas:

"When I eat at work I only buy cheese sticks or pork rinds. Everything else in here is so fattening."

Also, my Aunt Vicky passed along a story about Grandma I had yet to hear. One evening some of the family went out for dinner, and Grandma decided to have part of a bottled margarita drink the other girls were having. When Aunt Vicky and Grandma were later walking to the restroom, Grandma leaned over and said:

"Wow Vicky, that marijuana is really good!"

It's been one year tomorrow since she's been gone. I miss her. To celebrate her life, some of her daughters are getting together to eat really spicy Mexican food (Grandma's favorite) and drink "Marijuanas".

Cheers to that.

aloha...

Hello swimsuit and flip flops. Good-bye laptop and cellphone.

bean bag toss...

Finally, finally the weather cooperated and I attended my first Ultimate Frisbee pick-up game of the season. It was bliss. My lack of lung capacity was immediately apparent after two sprints up and down the field. By the end I was practically dragging my feet through the grass, barely able to pick up my feet, but I was smiling on the inside. Aaahhhh.

potpourri...

I think my life is sometimes like my GPS. I have all the best intentions of ending up in the right place, but sometimes I sure take some crazy routes to get there.

Anyway, I keep wanting to blog, but I open up a new post and the creativity juices feel all dried up. I want to share and inspire and provoke and provide comic relief. But my fingers sit still on the keys. No clickety-clack, tap tap tap. Just quietness. Even though my brain is buzzing with chatter.

So I decided to just share some recent reflections (not brilliant reflections, more so just random) for now, until the writing bug strikes again:

- So what about this weather, huh? It's freaking incredible. I can't soak it in enough.
- Visited Denver, gorged myself on my first City Grille burger (and b-day brownie awesomeness with Laura & Laura) and later saw a gorgeous sunset over the mountains from City Park. Hotel reservation was lost. Slumber party instead. Bok choy.
- My room is a disaster and I'm contemplating getting a personal assistant. Okay, not really. But I've really thought about it. Still thinking about it.
- Going on vacation soon... definitely not prepared, but getting more excited. Liz and I are going to be brave. I hope.
- I have amazing friends. Amazing, amazing, amazing. I'm just so thankful. And it's beautiful to me that friendships just keep getting stronger beyond college. I thought after that things went downhill. Turns out, things can get even better.
- Ultimate Frisbee tomorrow - FINALLY!
- Will I always sleep with my stuffed animal leopard, Tabitha? Umm, I should delete that.
- I wish my family lived closer. I would bug them all the time.
- Does anyone know of a good hairspray that holds, but doesn't crispify your locks? No me gusta crunchy.
- Where in the heck do people find any sort of balance in their lives? Right now my balance-o-meter is all out of whack - ack! Hey, that rhymes.
- I get to see Piper this weekend! I cannot wait. Seriously. Seriously seriously.
- I'm dreaming of our family trips to the lake. It won't seem like summer until we've water-skied across the rippling waves.
- God is so good. So, so good.

Night.

can you hear me now...?

It feels so good to be home. No matter how long the drive, the familiarity of Main Street (careful - only 20mph zone), Mom's kitchen, and Dad's pick-me-off-the-ground hugs are always, always worth it.

Plus, Justin and Amber made it back too. Even better. Now home feels complete.

Oh, and a big thank you to friends who keep me on speaker phone for over an hour in order to prevent me from falling asleep at the wheel while crossing the Great Plains. That's what I call awesome.

and action...

Me, JVC Camcorders, and iMovie don't get along. At all. How difficult can it be to import video? This is nutso. I'm going nutso.

love...

It seems as though birthdays lend to moments of reflection and recollections about one's life and the journeys that have brought you to this exact moment in time. Mom called this morning and left a voicemail about how thankful she was that I was brought into their lives twenty-five years ago. Of course, Mom is always warm and loving, always a kind word for my brother and I, but her had me thinking...

And I think it should be the other way around.

Thank you Mom and Dad, for bringing my life into this world.

What if I had never been given the chance to experience all this life has to offer? The valleys and peaks, joys and heartaches.

I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be on this great earth and actively participate in what it has to offer - all that is good, as well as that which is difficult. So many are never given the chance.

cuddlebug...

This weekend I finally had the privilege to meet Piper Jalee, who was born February 19th to extremely proud parents Zach & Bridget. I drove back home this morning and all I could think about today was her - wishing I could hold her one more time to watch the funny faces she makes, hear her little grunts, and all the other little things she does to make those around her smile. It doesn't take much for her to entertain. There's something so sweet and joyful about a little baby - you just can't help but love them instantly.

It dawned on me that this was basically the only time I've even been around an infant for an extended period of time. And Bridget taught me well. She told me not to be afraid of them crying (usually she was hungry, a need that was quickly met) which was good, because usually when babies cry I freak out and quickly hand him/her to mom. Piper helped me out by not crying much to begin with, but if she did, it wouldn't last long.

There's so much to tell you about my visit. We celebrated Piper's 1-Month Birthday, shopped at Hobby Lobby for nursery decor, bought groceries, went to Lowe's, had her one month doctor's check-up (she was ridiculously cute squirming around on the scale waiting for her measurement - she gained two pounds in two weeks!), ate at Bogey's (holy monkeys the shakes there are amazing), took lots of pictures, and went for walks around the neighborhood. And Piper was a trooper throughout each journey. In fact, anytime she was in her car seat and in motion, she was a happy sleeping baby, which makes running errands about as painless as possible with a newborn.

...Somehow through it all, I was able to avoid diaper duty - phew!

I'm so thankful for the time I was able to spend with Piper and her family. It's so beautiful to see two wonderful people bring a child into this great big world. Piper - you have so many great adventures ahead, may you always know you are loved.

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of His hand.

evergreen...

Daylight Savings Time can be exhausting. Today I was feeling a bit sorry for myself - my undereyes were dark, my body worn out. This evening however, my roommate humbly changed my opinion on the difficulty of losing that one hour of sleep.

She said, "You know, as much as I'm tired today from losing an hour of sleep last night, I am so thankful it's still light outside."

Hello. It was about 6:30pm. I had been staring out the kitchen window eating a bowl of cereal and appreciating the sun finally revealing itself through the clouds, and it never dawned on my that yesterday it would have been dark out.

What a wonderful feeling to have spring so soon on the way.

suzuki forenza wha...?

Having a rental car is a funny thing, and it can lead to precarious situations. I can't wait to return this one back to Enterprise.

I miss the Volvo and all its wonderful delights. Like a horn in the middle of the steering column, right where I like it.

caffe americano...

On my Starbucks cup this afternoon:

The Way I See It #76

The irony of commitment is that
it's deeply liberating - in works,
in play, in love. The act frees you
from the tyranny of your internal critic,
from the fear that likes to
dress itself up and parade around
as rational hesitation. To commit is
to remove your head as the barrier
to your life

- Anne Morris, Starbucks customer from NYC

It's not often a paper cup makes me reflect as much as this one did.

What excuses am I holding onto? What fears and self-doubts are preventing me from being the best me I have to offer? Why is our society, this generation, myself included, so afraid of committing to anything? When will we take ownership for our actions, decisions, and ultimately our future? When will we stop making excuses for our mediocrity and indecision?

Very soon, I hope.

And all that from a grande soy latte.

dear john...

Did anyone know there really is such thing as the Dead Letter Office? I guess when I was little I'd heard about it once or twice, but I mistakenly thought it was the place where letters for dead people went after they died. This Tuesday I found out that theory was slightly inaccurate.

Sunday night I was trying to wrap up some loose ends at work, so on my way to grab some food, I gathered a bunch of letters to be mailed, both private and work related, so I could drop them off and cross the task off my to-do list. I searched my office high and low for stamps, made sure all the envelopes were sealed, and proudly left with my stack of mail. I pulled around the moon-shaped drive and pulled up as close as I could to the big blue drop box. Double checked to ensure they all had stamps. Yep. Check. And as I tossed them down the chute I realized, all too late, that although they might all have stamps, not all of them had addresses. Nooooo!

Two of the notes were thank you's from Christmas - I'm a lot behind! I had actually written them over a month ago, but long story short, they were lost and only recently discovered. Looks like they'll be lost again.

I called on Monday to see what happened to letters without addresses. Who even does that? Sheesh. The Post Office would never pick up the phone, so I decided to drive there before work. I get there and no one is manning the office. In fact, all the lights are off and the door is locked. Great - does anyone even work around here? (I accidentally sighed that outloud) A woman checking her PO Box graciously explained in was President's Day and they were closed.

Brain-head move #2 within 24 hours.

An even longer story short, I got ahold of the Post Office on Wednesday. After explaining to the man what happened, he asked if I'd at least included a return address on the envelope? Dude, if the letters had return addresses, I wouldn't be desperately searching the post office in an effort to track them down.

He said I had to contact the Dead Letter Office within 30 days to see if it can be found at retrieved. That's when I found out a Dead Letter Office is really a place for letters without a home. An interesting thought, really. But I just want my letters back so I can share them with the loved ones intended.

So Laura, Steve & Sharon - if you receive thank you's four months late, it's not my fault. They're stuck in an office somewhere with no place to call home.

puddin'...

While attempting a little office organization today I came across the menu of a restaurant called Iron Barley. It's located in St. Louis, possibly not in the best part of town. But it was showcased on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, and it's so GOOD!

I ordered Schnitzel & Spaetzle and have honestly been craving it ever since. I don't even know what that means (I think it was a fried pork chop of some sort), but it was such great food.

If you're ever in the STL area I highly recommend it stopping by. Don't be discouraged by the ambiance. It's well worth the grub.

don't say a word...

One of my favorite, rare pleasures in life? Falling asleep to the sound of rain pitter-pattering on the rooftop, the distant rumble of thunder lulling me deep into dreamland.

click...

I was so excited for this morning. Brian and I got in late to Sacramento, and after picking up the rental and finding our hotel, we were pretty dog-tired. Whatever that means... dogs are almost always tired. Anyway, the change in time zone meant I'd get to sleep-in and still conquer an AM workout before the first training session of the day began.

My sleep was much disturbed, which was unusual for me, but I chalked it up to the flight and anxiety of travel and what the week had in store. My alarm went off perfectly as planned - 6:05AM PST. Why 6:05? I don't know. I suppose 6:00am seemed too early. I flicked on the lamp above the night stand, ready to attack the treadmill and work through some sore muscles.

That's weird. No light. Hmmm, probably operator error, as it was last night during the five minutes it took me to figure out how to turn it on. Bathroom break. What the?! This light doesn't work either? I tried every other light in the room, then checked the clock. Out, out, and out. Called the front desk. They knew - it was affecting the entire hotel and a technician was on his way.

Okay, well, I guess I'll answer some emails until I can get ready. Oops, wait a minute. My computer battery is dead from using it on the plane.

So I went back to bed, only able to fall asleep halfway. Eventually the time gap for a workout slipped by, then time for a real shower slipped by as well. Finally it was 7:30am, and I knew I couldn't lay in bed forever. I took a freezing cold shower in the dark with hair high in a ponytail (we all know what a little mist can do to these bangs), and attempted to get clean. Seriously, that is some difficult business! You throw one of those variables in and it's tricky, but both! Hope the trainer doesn't mind greasy hair and half shaved armpits.

The electricty came back at 9:30am. The training was delayed but we powered through it. This evening Brian and I went for a run then out to a great restaurant downtown called Biba. Our server, Rueben, was incredible bar none. And the food was excellent as well.

Now I'm headed back to bed, hoping the early morning tomorrow brings will be filled with fake flourescent light and powered plug-ins.

yes ma'am...

There are so many decisions we make daily. So many things that require a choice.

What time to wake up?
Hit snooze or crawl out of bed?
Eat breakfast?
Respond to emails or make phone calls?
Drive the speed limit?
Be honest with a friend?
Have dessert?
Use your blinker?
Take out the trash or leave it for your roommate?
Stick up for what you believe in or let it go?
Floss?

How do we know if we’ve made the right one? And will we ever know how one decision affects our life? We do the best we can. Or we hope we do, but is it enough?

I’m on a plane to Sacramento. We are headed to a week-long leadership training. It’s the longest I’ve been gone for work at one time. We have some fun things planned (yummy restaurants, IKEA, REI), but my heart has been heavy the last few days, making it difficult to be excited for the journey. Perhaps if it were near the ocean…

I’m not sure how to express my feelings, disappointments, frustrations that have recently surrounded me. My mind feels cloudy; confused. And each question I ask myself as a means to process seems to be answered by another question following close behind. Solutions and resolutions seem far and few between.

It’s funny to think about people. About how predictable we are, no matter how unique and interesting on the outside, a majority of the time we respond as expected. The saying often goes when dealing with people, there is always the unknown, the X factor – we are not robots; we are not black and white. But part of me likes to argue that deep down, perhaps we are; maybe there is very little gray left at the end of each day.

I think that’s why when someone takes you by surprise, it’s quite refreshing. You were ready for the right hook shot, and got the left uppercut instead. Yowzers. Didn’t see that one coming.

I wish people were less predictable. I wish we all were.

one foot on the ground...

It’s funny how you just break down,
Waitin' on some sign
I pull up to the front of your driveway
With magic soakin' my spine.

Can you read my mind?

- The Killers 'Read My Mind'

sweet home...

Was it just me or did the sun shine a little brighter than usual today?

Maybe it was the two hour coffee shop chat with an incredible friend, or the bierock delivery followed by good conversation, or perhaps the piano lesson (yes, I was quite rusty), a friend's crazy-awesome news, the workout (okay, I'll be honest, Pilates wasn't great, but seeing Bridge and Liz was) or even missing dinner in exchange for a little quality time...

Life is so good. And I love being on vacation.

Now, does someone want to help me unpack all my bags?

up above the world so high...

There is nothing like looking out at the Western Kansas sky during the black of night, with billions of twinkling stars shining clear and high, high above. I always forget, until visiting back home, how many stars are hidden in the bright lights of the city.

But here, where life operates a little slower and Starbucks isn't available on every corner (or any corner for that matter, as I grudgingly remembered yesterday morning), the view is so magnificent.

Breathtaking, inspiring, speechless.

A perfect end to a beautiful Christmas, as we pulled in late tonight from a day spent at Grandma's house visiting family, sharing stories, and eating too many sugar cookies.

you can count on me...

It seems as though there is always so much to do in order to get ready for Christmas. I sit here tonight, bundled under warm blankets, with the dreaded 'List' running through my head. It just seems to get bigger and bigger. And then the stress settles into my shoulder blades, hoping to find a permanent place to call home. When is there time to do it all? I've already decided my Christmas goody deliveries are going to be prepared the week after the actual holiday. I hope friends don't mind. Today time simply ran out.

Why is it so difficult to often remember Christmas in its true sense? Each year I tell myself I'll take more time to anticipate the real meaning of the season. And every year December 22 rolls around and I'm scrambling for last minute gifts and licking envelopes for cards that won't make it to mailboxes on time.

Getting together with friends last night, putting up the tree, making cookies and cider - those are the things that make me smile and literally feel warm from the inside out. I loved seeing everyone together, laughing, sharing a meal, telling stories. That is happiness. We should take time for it more often.

Merry Christmas everyone! Thank you for your friendship and love since my move to Kansas City. What a blessing you all have been!

yikes...

I'm sure they're convenient for storage purposes in the off-season, but the blow-up, air-filled Christmas yard decorations have simply got to go. Maybe save the money for your kid's college fund instead.

I don't know, just a suggestion.

yesteryear...

Tonight we celebrated Jon's birthday, Laura B. style, which means lots of great eats (including homemade apple pie), lots of great drinks, and a fun group of invitees. Toward the end of the evening Laura and I reminisced about the Denver blizzard two years ago, and the night a group of us went sledding behind a pick-up truck in the middle of City Park. It ranks on my top three best days ever, and if I had to guess, probably on Laura's as well.

After talking about it one of the guys commented, "I need an epic day. I haven't had an epic day in a long time".

That got me thinking, and I realized he was right. How far and few between those absolutely incredible days are. Why don't we make time for more of them?

almost there...

You know the feeling that you're about to absolutely burst with excitement? Like your heart is so full it could possibly pop? That's how I've felt since, oh, about 11pm last night. I finished packing my bags at 2:30 this morning, and am sitting in a cozy seat waiting for my flight to Denver.

Hellooooooo mountains!

thank you for...

Where to start when there is so much... that I can walk, read, sing at the top of my crazy lungs, drive a car, sleep with warm blankets, laugh, exercise, breathe. That I can visit friends, have friends to visit, and be surrounded with people whom I love. That my Mom and Dad value family and support and long hugs. That I have a little brother who is brilliant (and who can officially now beat me up). That I have wonderful people to work with. That I can play Ultimate Frisbee and Racquetball and ski my heart out on the mountaintops. That I can praise God's beauty in all things he's created.

That I can be myself. Yep, I'm definitely thankful for that.

paddle, paddle, paddle, POP!...

I kept thinking I'd finish up writing about vacation as soon as I returned home. I was shocked to see my last post was almost a month ago. How did time slip by so quickly? I want to remember, but it already seems so long ago... I'll give it a try.

Day Four

The last day of my retreat, and it wasn't even a half day - my parents and aunt were coming at 10am. I awoke early to get things packed and was still almost late to Mass. Mel provided spiritual direction one last time, and then I waited, anxious like a little kid, to see Mom and Dad. They finally pulled up in an itty-bitty rental and we squeezed my luggage in the trunk. Throughout the trip as we drove the sometimes busy roads of San Diego, Dad would often proclaim about the rental, "Don't worry! It's fully insured - I paid for extra coverage." This seemed to give him the peace of mind to drive like a crazy person - Midwest style. Luckily most of our travels were less than 10 minutes away; another wonderful perk about the area.

Because our time was so limited in CA, we each chose one thing we really wanted to see while visiting. Dad's pick was the USS Midway. According to the museum website, The Midway was a carrier that was commissioned in 1945 and served as a flagship in Desert Storm in 1991. With a 47-year career of service to country, no other aircraft carrier has come close. This ship is H-U-G-E! Mind blowing huge. If you visit, make a stop here. The natural flow of the tour and information provided ranked this floating museum in my top three of all-time. We stayed until we were kicked out for closing time. That evening I think we watched the sunset and relaxed. I can't quite remember.

Day Five

Dad awoke early (he hadn't adjusted to the time change or the fact that he was on vacation and sleeping in is required). He watched the surfers for over an hour - the first one arriving to the water's edge at 5:45am. Umm... that's crazy early. We went to Mass, then headed to my favorite breakfast spot - OB Donuts. Their the ones with the bagel sandwiches. My family fell in love with them as well (we went back the next day too!). Today Mom and Aunt Vicky were going to check out SeaWorld, while Dad and I drank coffee, read the paper, sat on the beach, etc.

However, much to my wonderful surprise, Dad quietly said, with a twinkle in his eye, that he um, might, maybe want to try surfing. YAAAAAY! I had wanted to surf while we were here - might as well - but didn't want to go it alone. I knew if my brother was with me he'd join, but Dad had said earlier with a laugh that there was no way he'd be participating. So we excitedly dropped off the girls to see Shamu, and headed to the nearest surf rental. I think we both had huge butterflies in our stomach, but when it came time to officially sign up for gear and a lesson, we had to say yes.

The experience was incredible. My surfing skills? Not so incredible. We had an hour and a half lesson on ground, then slipped (pulled, prodded, and tugged) on our wetsuits and dipped into the water. Our instructor told us we could keep the boards until 6pm, but he doubted any of us would make it that long. Dad and I looked at each other like, "of course we will!" Our instructor was right. It was intense. The salt burned my eyeballs and the back of my throat. No matter how much I spit, the burning wouldn't leave. And the waves - they just kept coming! The water we were in was shallow enough to stand - it hit me at the chest/neck. Except when a large wave rolled in and took me with it. I just had to wait until it sat me down again. We were at Dog Beach were waves were typically 2-4 feet. This day they were 3-5 feet, with some peaking at 6ft. I got rolled over the falls twice - an experience I pray never happens again. Having no control over your body as a wave's energy rolls you around underwater until you don't know which way is up, is not my idea of a good time. I eventually learned how to prevent that from happening. I never fully mastered the "paddle, paddle, paddle, paddle, POP!" method of standing on a board. A few times I was able to stand crouched, hoping not to fall over, but most were short-lived. Dad did a nice job of picking up the skill, and he was able to ride in a few for a short time. Another hour and a half later we were beat down, winded, and tired! Dad had a smile on his face like I hadn't seen in awhile. "We surfed the Pacific Ocean," his eyes seemed to shine.

We sure did Dad. I'll be crossing it off my bucket list.

The rest is to be continued. We had our All-Manager meeting followed by the Holiday Party last night. I'm pooped and my eyelids are drooping. Time to call it a night. So good night!

does it have sugar in it?...

I had a hankering to make pancakes late this evening. I wasn't even hungry, but I hadn't eaten dinner, and that bottle of Aunt Jemima syrup had been calling my name from the cabinet since I'd arrived. My dad was always the master pancake maker of the household. He know just how to whip up a great batch, a cook them perfectly - light and fluffy, with a golden rim around the edge (which was my favorite part - I would request the 'crispies'), which I now know was simply a little extra butter love.

Anyway, my quest in making delicious flap jacks proved a little difficult when I realized all too late in the game (pancake was ready to be flipped NOW) I had no real spatula. In fact, I had no even sort-of okay spatula at my disposal. All of the better utensils were waiting in the dishwasher to be cleaned from my previous cooking experiments. So I quickly decided to go with a white bowl scraper (that's the technical term - Wikipedia says so) and a fork. My pancake turned over quite efficiently. Yippee! Success! It wasn't until scooping it out of the pan that I noticed a white, filmy residue covering the bottom of the pan. What the... oh no. Oh, oopsie. I checked out the scraper. 'Not heat-resistant'. The melted side of the scraper confirmed my fears. Definitely not heat-resistant.

I used plenty-o-Aunt Jemima to cover up the uninvited flavor of spatula. I'd still give it 3.5 stars. Silicon and all.

day three...

Yesterday was another easy, beautiful day. For having a full day to fill up with things to do, I surely relaxed to the fullest extent - I didn't shower, I didn't even go for a run. And I didn't feel guilty for not doing either of those things. Doug, who I met the night before at the white bench, let me know sunrise was about 7am, so I awoke in time to witness this beautiful time of day. Typically the only time I see the sun rising is en route to somewhere in the Midwest during the wee hours for work. I prefer this to the latter very much so. I unexpectedly stayed for an hour, then returned for some loaded scrambled eggs and reading, which was followed by spiritual direction.

That afternoon I packed a lunch and headed straight to the beach - my favorite spot was directly off the pier. No swimming - surfers only. More reading, which quickly turned into a welcomed nap. For too long. I have some sweet sunburn lines (which will hopefully turn into tan lines) as witness. Wanting to see another sunset over the crashing waves, I attempted to kill some time by finding an ice cream shop I'd noticed the day before. I walked and walked, then turned around after realizing I really had no idea where I was going, or really what place I was even looking for. Eventually I spotted an ice cream cone sign above a building along the main drive and ordered a java chip waffle cone (it's always worth the $.75 for the waffle). Today I comically realized the ice cream place I was originally looking for, was in fact the same place I'd actually bought my cone, and was also a mere one block from my beach spot. Whoopsie.

The sunset that evening was completely different than day before. It was incredibly cloudy, and the colors did not bleed throughout the horizon, but instead glowed in a small orange circle neatly around the sun. The sun itself appeared very large this time around, and dropped very slowly out of sight. I sat until it was too chilly and dark to sit any longer.

I made dinner (hoorah!). And after my tummy was full, I attempted to pray with the readings my spiritual director had suggested. It didn't all go so smoothly. At times I lack a lot of concentration, and I get so blasted sleepy!

Bedtime by 10pm. Definitely a habit I will attempt to continue upon my return. A body just needs rest to function normally.

The day might seem uneventful, and in many ways, I suppose it was. And that my friend, is the beauty of it all.

In closing thoughts I wanted to pass along something I stumbled up while perusing the web last night. Something in it touched me. Perhaps it will do the same for you.

Saint Theresa's Prayer

May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

day two...

The place I am staying is a silent retreat center. I wasn't sure how I would take to this, as I chatty as I can be. I thought perhaps I would feel alone, isolated. Lonely. But graciously I've experienced nothing of the sort. The house is quiet, but alive. Peaceful. A warm, welcomed silence that allows me to finally rest.

The day began early. Morning Mass followed by coffee and the best bagel sandwich I've had in my life. An Everything bagel with cream cheese, a thick slice of red tomato, and basil. Pretty sure I'm having one of those tomorrow as well. I traipsed throughout the town again today, visiting the pier, the beach, an ice cream shop. I came home around lunchtime, and much to my surprise, the refrigerator was filled with the goodies I had placed on a shopping list the evening before. I could definitely get used to having a personal shopper!

The evening concluded with a magnificent sunset. At my favorite spot I met Doug and Bonnie, who turned out to be nearby neighbors. We shared casual conversation while appreciating the beauty of the sparkling ocean.
Self-portrait at sunrise.
Woman with stray cat at sunset.
The beach.
Sacred Heart Church.

day one...

I arrived in San Diego Thursday morning.  Thank you for the early AM ride to the airport Jana!  The cab driver gave me his advice about the area I was visiting.  Safe, sleepy, full of hippy love.  His description turned out to be charmingly correct.  I was dropped off at the wrong address, and panicked slightly, as the house I stood before was not quite as the one pictured on the website.  I called the center and eventually realized I was lost.  Two street names in the area sound very similar.  After realizing I was on foot, a kind Sister, Cora, quickly came to my aid and picked me up.

Arriving at the center I breathed a sigh of relief.  It looked exactly as the photo had promised.  I was immediately welcomed by Mel.  A wonderfully warm Sister, she greeted me with a huge hug and took me for a tour around the premises.  Mel would be my spiritual director during my time at the center as well.

I have my own room and bathroom, and share a kitchen and living space with other retreatants (so far there aren't any on my side of the building, but I suspect there will be during the weekend).  Mel graciously gave me a map and said, "I bet you can't wait to get to the beach!"  We set an appointment at 11am to meet, then she sent me on my way.  A few blocks and turns later the deep blue crashing waves greeted me.  I walked along the tide pools, past locals hanging out on the rocks with their bikes and guitars.  A few times I splashed accidentally in hidden shallow puddles, soaking my shoes, socks, and jeans.  For some reason it made me smile.  A little further along in my journey was a long pier, filled with fishermen hauling the coolers along the planks, joggers, and happy couples taking photographs of each other.  On one side was the public beach.  Surfers floated lazily on their boards, paddling through the waves.  The weather was so perfect, it's difficult to describe.  Almost as if it were neither warm nor cold - just so perfectly comfortable your skin felt nothing.  I know - it sounds weird.  It was weird.  Like an absence of any weather at all.

I made it back just in time for my meeting with Mel.  She gave me a few things to meditate on, and we made another appointment for Friday.  It felt so good to say, "well, my schedule is pretty open."  To sum up the rest of the day quickly - I packed a lunch, headed to the beach, took a nap on the sand.  Then it was back to my room for restful reading, prayer and reflection, and right before dusk, a run around the area.

On my trek I saw:

- two people carrying beach chairs (probably for a bon fire); one via bicycle

- 50% or more people were barefoot

- lots and lots of dogs (I really think most people here have one)

- constant opening and closing of screen doors - I don't know why this caught me off guard; I'm just not used to it I suppose, being from the Midwest.  It seems everyone here spends an incredible amount of time outdoors, and with such beautiful evening weather, it's easy to see why

- friends gathering on the beach to play volleyball

- dozens of surfers peeling out of their suctioned wetsuits, loading up their boards on top of cars and in SUVs

- an amazing bright orange sun setting over the ocean

Such a complete, but welcomed, change of scenery.

Back at the center I continued reading and eventually fell asleep absolutely exhausted (around 9:00pm) with the window open to the cool night air.

saving grace...

Okay,  so I didn't realize I'd have Internet access while on retreat. I was going to record my thoughts day by day, then post them upon my return (similar to when I moved to Colorado with no Internet for a week), but now I can post as we go.  So here we go.

The idea of this vacation began back in August after visiting friends in Denver.  I was greatly in need of rest and rejuvenation - the stress and pressure of work at times seemed overbearing and unmanageable.  I wanted to get away.  Be alone.  Explore.  Discover something new.  I wanted an adventure and a challenge.  Lauren recommended finding a retreat house.  It was a perfectly brilliant idea.  Let the planning begin.

There were only two stipulations upon which I based my search.  1) Something near the ocean, and 2) somewhere close to an airport that Southwest Airlines utilizes.  I had finally flown enough round trips to warrant a reward flight - the perfect opportunity to make vacation more affordable.

My first find was a retreat house in Maine.  But travel complications to the site proved too cumbersome and expensive to justify the location.  I then opted for the other coast and landed in San Diego.  From there things easily fell into place.  The location had a four-day stay available, which I gladly reserved.

However, that left quite a few more days to entertain myself on vacation.  I figured some things are better shared, and invited my parents to join me four additional days by the ocean.  After quite a bit of contemplation, and me reminding momma not to live in fear (she was worried about Tijuana's nearby border), she very enthusiastically agreed.  Mom also invited her sister to join.  Heck, the more the merrier.  Dad would come too if he was able to catch up at work.

The only thing we all wanted to really do is visit the zoo.  We had been to SeaWorld in Orlando about six years ago, and although it was incredible (I made our family go two different days while we were there), we aren't crazy about making a repeat visit.  After realizing we would only have one planned activity, Mom asked if we should maybe only stay three days, because, "what are we going to do for four days, Rachelle?"

Well momma, we're going to relax.  We're going to go on vacation and we're going to do nothing.  We're going to rest, we're going to eat, sit on the beach, read, visit, and relax.  She laughed.  And then agreed - four days would be wonderful.  Sometimes in this crazy-busy world it's very difficult to remember to slow down.

So yesterday started my retreat.  And I'm in it with full intention to slow down.  To breathe, rest, and be still.

hasta...

Can I get a woot-woot? Its officially vacation time. See you in a week.

1111 vattier...

This evening I was traveling back to KC from Manhattan.  There is no other place on this earth that brings me such a flood of memories in its wake.  The good, bad, and ugly - it always catches me off guard. I was close to home when a beautiful and wonderfully bright shooting star streaked across the night sky, cutting through the deep blue backdrop, and eventually fading into dark, black nothingness.

I thought back to grade school when our teachers taught us that falling stars are actually stars that have burned up (the technical term) long, long ago. And those stars, although one time brightly lit, haven't been shining for millions, possibly even billions of years.

It might sound odd, but in so many ways tonight I found that fading star strangely comforting.

Twinkle, twinkle little star,

How I wonder what you are.

Up above the world so high,

Like a diamond in the sky.

Twinkle, twinkle little star,

How I wonder what you are.

night cap...

Yesterday I bought six boxes of cereal.  Six.  Who does that?  It was my favorite, and it was on sale.  Let's pretend that makes it okay.

Last week I blew up my roommate's iron.  Pulled the plug from the wall using the cord (just like dad always told me not to).  There was a brief explosion, and the next thing I know, the cord is in my hand, the plug is still in the outlet.  Oopsies.  Sorry Jana.

And today I washed my sheets.  Such a wonderful thing.  The yummy smell of Downy when you exhaustedly doze off to sleep.  Too bad I forgot I hadn't thrown them in the dryer when I got home tonight.  No rest for the weary.  At least not for 45 more minutes.

i bid you good eating...

I'm staying up way too late watching Iron Chef. They are competing to make crazy-ridiculous dishes out of a fish that has no spine and a gelatin consistency. Mmmm, sounds... awful. But while doing so I did peruse the Internet long enough to purchase San Diego Zoo tickets for the upcoming v-a-c-a-t-i-o-n.

Oh how that word just rolls off my tongue...

my fellow Americans...

I was in Dallas this week for a work retreat. We stayed at the Magnolia hotel downtown, which turned out to be quite nice. My guest room had more square footage than my first apartment in Denver. Including a living room, dining table, full-size refrigerator, stove, oven, and heck, even the kitchen sink. Yowza.

The best part of the hotel was the location. Wednesday morning a few of us went out early for some exercise. We were able to walk by the JFK Memorial and see the grassy knoll on the north side of Elm Street, gaze up at the sixth floor of the Depository where Lee Harvey Oswald allegedly, single-handidly, and fatally shot the dearly beloved President. There are large white 'X's painted on the street, indicating where the shots occurred. It was a moving experience to stand there and take it all in. To imagine the shock and confusion. The grief and tragedy that rocked the nation shortly after.

"Peace is a daily, a weekly, a monthly process, gradually changing opinions, slowly eroding old barriers, quietly building new structures."

-- John F. Kennedy

hole...

Letting go. Hurts.

license and registration...

Another speeding ticket. Another $90. Ack! I make it twenty-three years of my life (okay, nine legal driving years) with nothing, then I get two in five months. I had to go out of town today, thus the early morning departure... just beware of the little police car waiting for you at 75th & Roe at 5am. She'll get you every time.

Blasted.

meow...

Ever have one of those really bad days that nothing goes right, and it's hard to even drag yourself out of bed? Then, just as things are looking up, you run over a cat that came flying out of the bushes and ambushed your front bumper? Well, I hadn't either, until today.

Yes, I ran over a cat tonight. I really like cats. Unlike most of people I know, having a pet cat has been quite a delightful experience. Beginning as a bright-eyed young girl begging her dad to please please just let her have one cute little cuddly kitten - please? Pretty please Dad? I promise I will take really good care of it and play with it and scoop out the litter box and feed it and everything. In fact Dad, what a great opportunity it would be to teach me responsibility. Don't you think Dad? Look at her - she's sooo cute. So can I? Please?

I can? Really Dad? Welcome to the family, Muffin.

Well Dad, if we get one, we have to get another one. Because Muffin needs a friend; a buddy. She is going to get sooo bored if she has to hang out in the backyard all day by herself. I mean, that wouldn't even be fair - to expect her to pass her days with no one to wrestle with or chase around. How would you like it if you had to entertain yourself all day with no one to talk to Dad? I don't think Muffin would be very happy. We have to get another kitten Dad, we just have to.

Welcome to the family, Midnight. Midnight, meet Muffin - Muffin, Midnight. Oh, you're brother and sister and can't stand each other's guts? Perfect.

Muffin was the best cat in the whole world. And I don't just say that because she was my first real pet. She really was. She would let me hold her, play with her and pet her all the while her little engine just purred away. And she was always the best listener. Anytime I was upset by all the chores I had to do, or when my feelings were hurt by those mean girls on the playground, Muffin would always listen contently and didn't mind a few plump tear drops on her soft tabby striped coat once in awhile. Muffin even gave us lots and lots and LOTS of litters of kittens (not so sure Dad or Mom were as thrilled about that as Justin and I), and we always found a nice home for them.

Muffin was run over by the newspaper lady. I don't remember exactly what happened. I must have been playing in the front yard . All of the sudden the newspaper lady screamed (she must have had her windows down, because I distinctively remember her doing that) and pulled her car to the side. She jumped out and ran to the curb. I ran over to see what all the ruckus was about. Poor Muffin didn't make it through. The newspaper lady kept apologizing - she felt awful. But there's not a lot to say to a kid who's standing there dumbfounded watching her favorite pet bleed to death.

We found a good resting spot for her in the Evergreen tree row. I think Justin must have made her a little wooden cross from Dad's wood scrap pile in order to give her. I used to visit it once and awhile when I was little to tell Muffin I missed her, and that I still didn't like all my chores.

So tonight I'm driving home on Holmes, and from the middle of nowhere this thing comes flying (I mean it - full sprint, halfway in the air) into the street. I don't even have time to think about dodging it. Not a chance. Thump thump. Oh no! What was that - what did I even hit? What the heck just happened? Oh man, I hope that wasn't a dog or cat. Maybe it was a racoon. Or a badger. Or a opossum. Yeah, it was probably a opossum.

Regrettably I glanced in my rearview mirror. I think I was hoping to reassure myself that I'd imagined the whole thing. Unfortunately instead, I watched a cat, silhoutted by a street lamp, rolling across the street - finally picking itself partially off the ground and painstakingly limping and army crawling (if cats can do that) to the curb, it's little tail sticking straight up.

I really hope that was no one's pet. But if it was, I really hope Muffin was up in pet heaven waiting with open paws, welcoming the chance to have another feline friend to chase around on the clouds of mouse toys and catnip.

grey clouds...

"When it rains, I don't mind being lonely. I cry right along with the sky."

--Eli Young Band lyrics

flap jacks...

Last week during Mass, a priest delivered a homily that spoke to me in many ways. He talked about how Sundays should be time spent in community with others - not running errands, not catching up on work, not doing house chores. It should be restful time with those you love, and time treasured to build more meaningful relationships with those around you. It should be time you plan to do nothing - 'just be'. Strangely enough, today's homily closely paralleled the very same message. Okay, I'm getting the message. And as much as I've known for a long time that Sundays should be treated this way, I haven't acted on it. Not much at all, really.

So today was finally a Sunday as it should be. Or at least as close to as it should be as I've had in a long, long time. Mom was visiting, and I was so grateful to be at church with family. Afterward I introduced her to what is now my favorite selection of uber-delicious pancakes from the FirstWatch menu. She had a cranberry almond crunch, while I opted for the wheat germ. Really you can't go wrong with any of the choices. Momma quickly agreed. How wonderful it was to enjoy each other's company. No rushed phone calls, no place to go. Just time to rest within conversation with one another. And how needed it was.

Then we went shopping. And tried everything on in the entire store. Seriously, we had clothes hanging from every wall in the dressing room, until there was not a sliver of space for one more hanger. We walked out with big ol' grins on our faces.

After prepping mom's GPS for her return home, I headed to a friend's for rest and rejuvenation. We had dinner (Mexican yumminess, of course), then by his wonderful suggestion, went to Borders for coffee. And a book. One for each of us that promised direction and guidance as we begin our enlightened journeys - tromping head first and eyes closed into unknown struggles and adventures. I forgot how much I enjoy bookstores.

"Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart." --Confucius

I haven't been doing that, and it's about darned time I start.

Bridget and Shawndra came over later. What a beautiful night with beautiful friends.

Time well spent.

will you...

My brother has officially proposed! Amber and Justin are getting married in June 2009. This weekend they took some time away from wedding planning, and joined me on an engagement photo shoot. Gotta get a picture in the local paper you know...

Below are a few samples, as well as a slideshow of what I have up so far. For a better look check out the Picasa Album.

Enjoy!

mirage...

Welcome to fabulous Las Vegas. Or perhaps, I'd moreso like to say welcome to shiny, tacky and cheap LV. As soon as I stepped off the plane, familiar thoughts were already ringing in my head (...or was that the constant chatter of slot machines?). What is this place? What am I doing here? What is anyone doing here?

My senses were overloaded instantly. The smell of stale cigarette smoke is overwhelming - drenched into the carpets, swirling around poker tables, weaving itself through every layer of clothing. For the remainder of the visit my lungs refused to take a deep breath - even walking outdoors didn't seem to remove the foggy gray haze. My eyeballs couldn't find enough places to hide. The flashing signs, flashes of skin, neon lights. Everywhere you look it's near impossible to focus. It was just as I'd remembered it from my brief visit last summer, when I'd vowed to never return.

Little did I know...

We were there for a work conference. I had been anticipating the event for a couple of months - it was the first time the company had hosted such a grand function. I walked through the hotel, past the slot machines loudly beckoning to snatch another dollar, finally realizing why I was incredibly irritated; why this city disturbed me so deeply. Its purpose - it's thriving reason for existence - is to combine all humanity's vices into one huge, exploding mess of temptation and greed.

I know, I know - this is nowhere near a new revelation, (it's not named Sin City for nothing) but the volume of madness you're immersed in while visiting completely astounds me. It's something I can't quite stomach. And hopefully I never will...

penny for your thoughts...

The Sooner State warmly greeted me this afternoon as I stepped off the plane and headed toward the rental car station. Oklahoma City to Tulsa was the goal, and with a speed limit of 75mph, the 1.5 hour drive was zipping right along. Well, sort of. Technically it was zipping along until I hit toll booth after toll both on the lonesome highway out of town. Problem. I don't carry cash. Another problem. OK Toll booths don't accept credit cards. Hello, it's 2008. So, the first check was written for $3.50. The second stop I scrounged up .$65 from my wallet. The next stop (en route to Stillwater this evening) had me writing another check for $.75. I didn't even know how to write a check that small - 'Zero Dollars and 75/100-------'. Well that's how I did it; hopefully it works.

The last toll needed a mere fifty cents. I had twenty-two cents to my name. There was no late-night toll worker manning a station. No one to take my DL# and send me a bill. I was perplexed. So in go my dimes and pennies down coin collector hatch and I drove right through the red light flashing STOP. The alarm sounded. I kept driving. Hope the police aren't waiting by my car in the morning, waiting to collect on their 28 cents.

Blasted.

night cap...

I'm confused.  And frustrated.  And not sleeping.  As if not sleeping is going to make anything better.  Mmm... probably not.

bed crumbs...

I'm in a hotel in Omaha. It's pouring down rain, and I'm leaned against the headboard snacking on crackers and cheese, watching reruns of The Office. Avoiding the lingering emails accumulated from the day. Idly perusing Facebook, almost without noticing, but it's a welcomed distraction nonetheless.

I'm tired today. Really tired. Two-trips-to-Starbucks-hold-your-eyelids-open-I'm-falling-asleep-as-I-write-this tired.

Which is probably a sign I should go to sleep now.

happy plate...

What a crazy-good weekend.

Sushi. Friends (the really awesome kind). Birthday cake. Live music. Down-pouring thunderstorm. Frisbee. BBQ. Lounge. Home-made dinner. Dancing (okay, more like drag-me-around-the-floor-and-hope-I-don't-step-on-your-toes style). Brunch. Banana-granola pancakes. Softball. Mass. Human Monopoly. Sleep. & Sleep. & Sleep.

& Sleep.

spf 45...

I can finally feel it.  The painful pink sunburn.  Flip-flop calluses.  Sticky, sweaty, glistening faces from humidity's constant presence.  Yep, it's definitely here.  And I'm not quite sure why summertime took so long to show its pretty little head. Whatever the case, I'm glad it's made an appearance.

A trip to the lake was a fine way to get things rolling.  Probably just what I needed.  Campfires.  S'mores.  Ghost-stories.  Bugs.  Boat and life-jackets.  Skis. Sunscreen. The first screaming jump into the chilly water below.

Ah, summer.  It's here.

twist & shout...

A tornado touched down on Thursday a half mile from Grandpa & Grandma's farm - 10 minutes after finishing up a rainy, windy baseball game.

When the uncles spotted the twister approaching the yelled for everyone to take cover.  Soaking wet, sixteen grandchildren crowded into the small pantry in the basement (separated from the main part of the house).  We threw in couch cushions, blankets and towels, grabbed Tupperware and stock pots to use as helmets, and covered everyone's head with a large carpet.  We were saying our Hail Mary's and Our Father's, praying the farm and those in it could stay intact.

Prayers were answered, multiple times.  Justin and I stayed for the rest of the week, and endured multiple more tornado warnings - listening to the scratchy radio in the basement, using the Sprint aircard (a lifesaver) as a radar tracker.  There was another one on Thursday, and many more on Friday - some towns endured softball-sized hail (not kidding) that left divets all over lawns and fields.

Saturday we squeaked by storm free, but onto Sunday... Justin and I were at the other Grandma's.  After lunch Aunt Kathy told me about a deluxe slip 'n' slide set up on her farm - three tarps down a hill.  Of course I couldn't resist.  My cousins and I headed out there - with dark looming clouds in the distance.  We made about ten slides down before the lightning started.  We raced back to Grandma's and packed up our bags, hoping to beat the storm.

No luck.  Right before Hays the hail was crashing down.  Crap-o.  My Aunt called her sort of neighbor, who opened their garage for us.  For the next five hours we watched radars, listened to the radio, headed to the basement, twiddled our thumbs, told stories, and played Sorry.  As weather continued crashing down they ordered us pizza, helped us feel completely welcome, and invited us to spend the night if needed.  We'd considered it, but noticed the red blobs on the radar finally started heading south of I-70.  Let's give it a try.  Rain and gigantic lightning bolts followed us to Salina, but we made it safely.  And my new car only has seven dents on the hood, roof and trunk.  Darn it!

So, no more tornadoes please.  I think we've all had enough excitement to last quite awhile.

peace...

My Grandma Heier passed away today. This morning about 10am at St. Francis Hospital in Wichita. She was a wonderful blessing to everyone she met - always a kind word, always a smile; a fighting spirit regardless of what life brought her way. And it brought a lot. There are not words to describe what an incredible source of strength she was to her family. You will be so greatly missed Grandma.

I love you Grandma.

"I love you more" she would say.

zoom zoom...

I’ve been in Kansas City three point five weeks now. Time has flown! I received my first speeding ticket ever (probably needed humbled because I was really proud of that) cruising north on I-35 last week. 74 in a 60. Oops. I wasn’t even in a hurry; just had no clue what the speed limit was, and I’d been used to 70mph freeways. But I couldn’t use the “I’m new here” excuse because my DL hadn’t been updated the entire time I was in Denver – it was still a KS license with my hometown address, so that wouldn’t have gone over well either. To top it off I didn’t even have my DL with me. Because I’m that cool. So now I get to appear in court and the charge gets knocked off. Lesson definitely learned.

play time...

Laura's idea for a small dinner birthday party turned into invitations for 25. She made tons of delicious food, including my mom's homemade chicken noodle soup recipe! Yeah, she's pretty awesome.
Ice skating in Evergreen. The ice was pretty treacherous, making it difficult to look graceful. Afterwards we had Beau Jo's pizza... nothing warms you up like thick wheat crust dipped in honey. A-maz-ing.
Ski trip to Keystone with the guys from work. I had a blast. Brandon managed to break his board, but fortunately that's the worst that happened.
Our Marian group 2008 retreat at St. Malo - it is so beautiful there. We tennis shoe skated on the small pond, and Lisa and Petreuse (the dog) played tug-of-war with her scarf. Petreuse won.

fruits & veggies...

Hi. It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged and I miss it. I’ve been meaning to, and I kept waiting because I wanted to include pictures from recent activities. But that hasn’t happened yet. So why not blog anyway? The pictures can always come later.

I’ve been officially in Kansas City for two weeks. To sum it up quickly – great friends, great house, awesome roommates, and many, many u-turns (I get lost a lot). The job is stressful. The new responsibility is stressful. And feeling like I left more than a few brain cells in Denver has been frustrating. I suppose that’s how adjusting to something new tends to be. So I’m sitting tight, hoping it won’t be long before it all makes sense again.

My parents are visiting this weekend. I have some projects already planned (hope Mom and Dad are ready!). There are only a few more boxes to unpack, curtains to hang, chairs to paint, basement storage to organize… it seems like moving is a never ending process. But I do like it here so far. I know it will be even better once the dust settles and I can figure out which direction to head in to get to the closest grocery store!

march 30

I'm moving in exactly three weeks. Yes, three. Does that seem crazy to anyone else!? And I'm realizing I'm in a bit of denial about it. It isn't that I'm not looking forward to it. Hardly the case. Just that it's snuck up so quick I feel very inadequately prepared for the transition. The packing. The figuring out new highways and byways and hole-in-the-walls and cheap car washes. The fitting in. The job.

Of course if we're talking denial let's talk about the wonderful people remaining in the beautiful mountainous state of CO. Actually, wait. Let's not talk about that. Because I'm still not dealing with that so well. And by not dealing with it I mean not thinking about it, because if I spend time doing that a guaranteed emotional breakdown will follow. And I'm not ready for that right now either.

sunny delight...

Hi. Friday some friends and I headed to Summit County to crash for the evening and get a head start on the fresh snow that fell at Copper through the night. We skiied until our legs could take no more, then cut out at 2pm and enjoyed the (rarely) unclogged traffic on I-70. Later that night I went to see a movie with friends. It was a theatre I hadn't been to - small and eclectic; we had to wait in a long outside to get tickets. Upstairs they served mixed drinks and brews. If you haven't seen Juno yet, I recommend it. A lot.

Today I ran errands in shorts and flip-flops. For lunch I walked to my friendly neighborhood burrito joint. I washed and vacuumed my car. (A dorky reason that I love Colorado - everyone's vehicles are covered from head to toe with grayish-brown road sludge caused by all the junk they dump on the roads to melt snow; also a sign that people have been playing in the mountains - ahh). A friend made me chili for dinner. Complete with cornbread muffins.

Denver is a great city. Sometimes it's hard to take it all in. Breathe it, absorb it.

I'm going to miss it.

vroom boom...

Tuesday was one of those amazing days. It seemed as though everything that day kept getting better and better. We were working on a big investigation at work, which usually wouldn't be something to look forward to, but it's my first one - and I have a lot to learn before I'm on my own conducting them. So I had to work late, got home around 7:30, and headed for the computer. I'm on the hunt for a place to live and I'd gotten a great response from a potential roommate. I called Bridget R. to celebrate the almost perfect living situation - an extra living room, den/office, and only a few miles from work (and her house). Woo-hoo.

Next it was off to the rec for a quick workout, followed by a trip to the little grocery store/farmer-like market for some grub. This week was my turn to make house dinner and I needed soup ingredients. On the way home I was chatting on the phone with Laura, excitedly explaining the potential house setup. I paused for a moment, thinking I heard a strange noise coming from my car. After nothing happened, I assumed it must have been something on the radio.

Then I tried to make a right-hand turn. My power-steering, unfortunately, did not assist me in this maneuver. Oh crap. Car trouble here we come.

I pulled over (using all my strength) right away, as I'd always been instructed in situations such as these. My battery light was on, and I'm on the verge of tears. So I call dad - he fixes everything. He tells me to drive it home but watch the temp gauge in case the car decides to overheat. My roommate's boyfriend helped me push it into our half-driveway. He found a large belt lying loose in the nose of my car. Yep, that must be the problem. Where is there a mechanic available at 10pm?

Thankfully we live close to the lightrail, which I took to work the next morning. A sure perk of living in the city - public transportation can be fairly convenient. I wasn't sure how I was going to get home that evening though, because I forgot to bring my keys, and it was over a mile from the station to the lightrail (temperature highs in the 3 degree range). Well, simply put, God works in amazing ways. My other roommate called at the end of the day and had free Nuggets tickets. Perfecto. The stadium is only a few blocks from my building. I walked to the basketball game, and got a warm ride home.

So I was still super stressed out today. It's miserable not having a car, and relying on others for rides, putting them out, not knowing how to even get your car fixed. I took the morning off and drove my power-steeringless vehicle to my cousin Kenny's shop. He instructed me not to use anything that would require battery juice. That meant no heat, no wipers... not even a blinker if I could help it. If anyone's ever up for a challenge, you should try driving without the steering boost, and a twice frosted windshield. Shwew.

He told me I was incredibly lucky this hadn't happened on the highway or freeway. I thought of all the trips I'd taken up to the mountains, to KS and back, and to work on the over-crowded roads every single day. For all places for my car to malfunction, 10pm on a weeknight side street sure seemed like a lucky spot. Two hours later he had me all fixed up and ready to go. My serpentine belt (or however you spell it) had fallen off because the ball bearings in a pulley thing had fallen out. I learned more about cars today than probably ever in my life - okay, which probably isn't saying much...

Anyway, the point of this long, over-elaborated story, is that even when things are uber-stressful and crazy and you feel you can't handle the things much longer, most likely things will work out; they will get better. The way things simply fell into place with my breakdown and while I was out of a ride was incredible. Things like that don't happen on accident. They just don't.

semi-sweet...

I don't have much to say. Just playing around on the computer and chowing down on a bag of Nestle chocolate chips, my new food addiction (unfortunately). When instead I should be cleaning my chaos-induced living space once known as a bedroom.

I guess I wanted to write because I'm excited. Excited for the weekend I had with an amazing group of girls; excited for the true friendships I've been blessed with in Denver, that came comletely unexpectedly. Excited for what is to come in the next few months. Hopeful. Scared. Anxious. The kind of holy-cow-I-have-no-idea-what's-ahead, hang-on-to-your-seats excited, because some changes are a'coming. I know not yet what they will bring.

family ties...

Family. What would you do without them? Probably get into less leg wrestling contests with brothers, have a freezer stuffed with absolutely zero homemade chicken noodle soup dishes from mom, and have a car that's broken down without dad's constant TLC. So, I'm definitely better-off with them, as most of us grow to realize more as the years fly by. And my family is awesome - incredibly supportive, easy to hang out with, and I actually look forward to spending time with them over the holidays. But probably one of the best parts...? We're all a little borderline crazy. See for yourself. Above: Our family Christmas photo...
Left: Christmas Eve's Eve. Jumping off a hay bailer thingy (I'll just call it a farm implement, because really I have no idea), onto a rope that has enough momentum to smack you into a tree trunk if you don't use super dodging-power skills (and a little brother for protection). I had to crawl my way up that thing four times before a successful landing. And for some reason it was seriously one of the scariest things I've done lately. Maybe it doesn't look very high-up from here, but trusting a small knot and fraying rope to protect you from a broken leg... believe me, it will give you a new perspective.
Other left: My Uncle Leon and second-cousin-in-law at our glamorous Breck condo. The owners skimped on nothing. Why is this crazy, you might ask? This photo was taken the day Dad and I almost lost our noses to frostbite just to get some runs in (okay, slight exaggeration, but pretty much almost true nonetheless) and this is all I have to show for it.

Aren't they the best?

tis the season...

Jeepers. It's been a long time. I've had lots of blog ideas before and during the Christmas season, but kept forgetting to post them. I had a great holiday. Went to SC for a week, visited lots of family and friends. Goofed off with my brother and enjoyed spending time with his gf, Amber, who made the trip down as well.

I recently also experienced two of the most coldest skiing days of my life. Ever. Ever-ever. My first time up this season was to Loveland with my cousins Adam and Brendan. We knew we were cold. We knew it was windy. Only later did we find out it was 0 degrees that day, with a -20 degree windchill. Yikes! I knew the wind had been whipping through my clothing and sneaking into any zipper I had sticking out, but we had no idea it was that cold.

Round 2 was at Breckenridge last Sunday. My dad and his brother and wife had come out to stay with friends who have a condo up there. It was a beautiful place, and I enjoyed reading by the fireplace on the bear rug. Not kidding there was a bear rug, and it was amazing. Anyway, we went up despite warnings that it would be a cold day. This day beat the run at Loveland hands down. It was so cold and windy that multiple times we experienced complete white-outs, either on the chair-lift or on the slope. At one point I freaked out because we were supposed to unload and I couldn't see a thing. Nadda. Just whiteness all around. Luckily the wind died down long enough for me to hop off. But wow, that was intense skiing.

Dad and I agreed that if we wouldn't have paid so much for our passes, we would have quit, but by golly we were going to get our moneys worth. Due to the high winds (35mph with 65mph gusts), only three lifts stayed open. About 2pm that day one of the guys we were with noticed something white on my nose. I used my glove to brush it off, assuming it was snow. He said nope, it's still there (and told me later he was embarrassed because he thought it must have been snot). I wiped it again, and then his face looked panicky. Just then my dad skied up and I noticed the same thing on his nose. Both of us had frostbite! Our poor noses had been the only things sticking out that day, and apparently they had become so numb with cold that we didn't even notice how brutal it really was. We tucked our honkers in and kept on going. I had a date the next night and was not looking forward to black flaky skin chunks falling off my nose into my dinner plate. Luckily we caught it soon enough and no permanent damage was caused. Phew!

More plans to hit the slopes this Saturday with Brendan and Adam. The fam and I were at Copper last weekend and we had great weather - sunshine and six inches of powder, which I'm finally learning to maneuver in. Man were we absolutely worn out by the end of the day. Our legs were a jelloed mess. It's hard work cutting back and forth in that deep snow!

Just an additional random note - we played two full games of Monopoly in less than three hours, which has to be some sort of family record. And my brother won both of them - how crazy is that?!

That's all the news for now. Thanks to you all for your Christmas wishes, phone calls, and visits. It's been great to hear from everyone!

I'm hoping the next entry is a Year in Review - 2007. At least that's my plan. Time will tell.

remember...

It snowed most of the weekend and most of today. The kind of dark cloudy snowfall that makes you want to hunker down in piles of blankets and snuggle the day away. I guess having a job sort of prevents the ever-so-coveted snow days. I miss snow days.

happy holliday!...

I saw Matt Holliday at Chipotle today. I actually didn't believe it at first and did a double when I saw him in line. He's the 27 year old Rockies left fielder who has the leading League batting average, was the NL MVP, and, well, he's gorgeous. Of all Rockies players, Holliday is the one who has all the ladies drooling. Uh... except he's already married. With two kids.

So, I didn't know what to do in this situations. I don't run into people I see on TV very often, and I didn't want to bombard and bugger him, but I wanted to do something. I was nervous. My heart was pounding and my right leg started quivering - seriously. I felt like a twelve year-old with a school crush.

I congratulated him on his season and stuck out my hand so he had to shake it. He said thanks with a huge smile. He has great teeth.

Then I called all my friends, and we screamed like hormone-laden teenagers.

rocktober...

Sorry Rockies - what an awesome run while it lasted. And we loved watching amazing game followed by amazing game, leading to the World Series. The loss tonight was a bummer. We were crossing our fingers that it wouldn't be a sweep. For many reasons. One of them being the many many hours consumed trying to score WS tickets. Which was basically two straight days of complete unproductivity as employees around the state hit refresh for hours (literally) in hopes of ticket success. Out of everyone I knew (which was basically everyone I know) trying, the only person to succeed was my mom. My mom! She took time during work to order tickets for baseball history. Trust me, this was no easy feat, and now my friends here think she's even more awesome than before. The sad part of the story? We had tickets to Monday's game. But Monday's game is no more. The Sox walloped us 4-0 in the series, so it's bye-bye Monday baseball game, bye-bye Rockies World Series.

That's okay. There's always next year. And by then I think we'll have all the kinks worked out.

Pictured above are ten girls (well nine, the tenth is taking the picture and, for obvious reasons, not technically pictured) smashed on our couches, cheering the Rocks on for a victory tonight. Perhaps we didn't cheer loud enough...

gone...

We had our first snow of the season this morning. It was incredibly. Even a bit surreal. Yesterday my face was sunburned while we were at the park paddling around on the lake... and today big white fluffy snowflakes were floating all around.

The change in weather reminds me that life is always changing. Like it or not, ready or not - here it comes. Recently I've been thinking back to about year ago. My last summer in Manhattan. I had no idea what was ahead. None of us did. Everyone was graduating, moving, testing their wings. What would happen, where would we go, who would we meet, who would we become? We made promises to keep in touch. We made promises to write, to visit, to not let life get too far away. The weeks before I left I would lock myself in my room with tears pouring down my cheeks. I didn't cry for what was ahead. I wasn't worried about what was to come. I would cry for what I was losing. From what I was leaving. The familiar faces. The familiar conversations. The annoying yet comforting drama of college relationships. The friendships that had grown into family.

Now it's rare that I cry for what is lost. I guess it's a part of leaving you have to get used to. So I'm trying. But no matter how much I know things change as time marches on, some of the changes aren't very easy understand, and very hard to accept. Some of the changes don't make sense - some of the things I expected to stay the same, wanted to stay the same, didn't. And I guess those are the hardest to swallow. Like a big lump that gets stuck right in the middle of your throat, and no amount of water seems to wash it down.

I wish when we talked it didn't feel like we were strangers. I hate that it's awkward, that I don't know what to say. I hate that we didn't keep in better touch. I just want to know how you are. How you really are. Just like we used to do.

get out your brooms...

Rockies S-W-E-E-P! Holy buckets we're going to the World Series!!

vindicated...

I got the internet on my computer today! Yep, I finally ponied up, admitted there was no nerdy boyfriend around to figure it out for me, and bought a wireless router. Turns out there's instructional software included that walks you right through the process. And this whole time I've been dragging my feet and putting it off because I feared the installation process. I'd never had to do it before - there was always my brother or a neighbor to hook me up - and all these technology doo-hickies make me nervous.

Turns out I'm not as dependent as originally thought. And I uh... only had to call IT support once.

caught the bug...

So today was a beautiful day, followed by a lovely endorphin kick. I attended a cheesy motivation speaker before lunch, who encouraged us to be fully engaged and unique in our jobs, and to serve others instead of seeking self-interest. And he kept mentioning how we all run around 100 mph with our hair on fire. That kind of made me giggle. My boss took us out for lunch to Spicy Pickle afterward (which is my absolute favorite deli) and the rest of the day flew by. Work was followed by an hour of hot yoga, where I sweated out possibly all the liquids I'd consumed throughout the day, and maybe even the day before. Seriously, water completely running down my chin, bangs all crazy because my forehead was liquefied... you get the picture.

Our last fall frisbee game was tonight too, and we were playing against a team with all our friends on it. Which can be a little awkward defending someone you know, wheezing on them because you're so gosh darn winded from running back and forth across the field, wishing you had some Scope to swish around... anyway we really wanted to win because they'd had a great season and we'd, well, had a losing season. So, moral of the story, we played really strong, held them until the last 15 minutes, but lost in the end. I was really proud of us though. And I finally played well too - first assist to a touchdown of the evening. Yesssss.

So awhile ago I was just driving home, smiling like a nerd. I really like it here. I really, really do.

buy me some peanuts...

Rockies sweep!

Holy buckets, the Rockies sweep!