sitting in a tree...

I see London.

Ahem.

I see France.

Who knew this blog would even cover underpants?

Bridget and I met on during a 4-H trip from Kansas to Washington DC. At first, I thought she was a stuck up and didn't want to talk to me (hey, she later admitted thinking the same of me). But after spending a few days as roommates in our DC accommodations, we became fast friends. I'm quite confident our fate as best friends was sealed when we realized our high school crushes were both named Brady (haha Bridge - oh the stories we could tell!). And unlike typical camp friendships, we thankfully stayed in touch throughout the next school year, and ended up going to the same college thereafter. Nine years later (um, wow!) we live in the same city and still make time for girl talk, life talk, job talk - whatever. She's pretty much my job mentor. And although neither of the Bradys worked out for a permanent gig, Bridget did find someone far surpassing all the qualities poor high school Brady could ever offer (no offense to him, of course), and will soon be getting married to a man who complements her beautifully.

So we must celebrate. A party is in order. Bridge's singleness must go out with a bang. And dorky me couldn't wait to make invitations. Something not too cheeky, tacky, pink, glittery or rhyming (bleh). Something that gets the point across - we're going to have a fabulous time together being classy, sophisticated, and tasteful. Did I say tasteful? Classy? Oops, I meant helloooooo lingerie shower. Nothing says it better than a bejeweled pair of black unmentionables on the front on the invite. Holler.


Bridget's first visit of many while I lived in Denver. Oh what fun we had at the corporate Christmas parties.

the ocean blue...

About to embark on an adventure of epic proportions. Well, epic for me anyway. Headed to Californ-i-a tomorrow. Dad's coming with me. He just decided yesterday, but I'm superdeduper glad he did. Really, really glad. He's a wonderful traveling companion. Coffee and newspaper in the morning. Nap in the afternoon. Explore. Then kick it in the evening. My kind of vacation.

There's more to tell, but for now - packing. Did I say pack? I meant panic. Panic! So much to do, so little time. Must get going.

The photograph is a tribute to our 2008 trip to California when Mom, Dad, Aunt Vicky and I experienced one of the greatest vacations of all time. The picture makes me want to melt away to la-la dreamland - probably one of my favorite clicks, for whatever reason. Just, dreamy.

if we took a holliday...

Back from St. Louis. Voicemails are cleared out. Highlighted emails have been selected and viewed briefly. Most texts have yet to be answered (though nothing unusual there, as some friends might attest...). I feel like I've been gone for weeks - and could sleep for the same.

Although the two-days were busy with work stuff, Tuesday evening, thanks to some great, "I know a guy" situations, our team enjoyed almost six hours of everything Cardinals. On the field for batting practice, special beverage drinking room, wearing a World Series champ ring, and eating enough ballpark food to make us all feel a little sick. Or was that due to the Astros kicking the Cards hineys in the last three innings? Ahem, that definitely didn't help. It was a beautiful night though, especially since we were all anticipating downpours throughout the day. Not a cloud in sight until a dark ominous poof rolled in at dusk. It passed by without a drizzle or drop.

Nothing screams summer like baseball and cold beer. I'll take more please.

forget it...

Nevermind my last post. I'm not getting any better at avoiding my space cadet ways. Left my cell phone in the car at the airport parking lot. Doh! Now I'm in St. Louis and my phone is in KC. This has been a pain in the hiney.

(And actually - secretly - it's been wonderful. I missed being able to talk with Mom in the morning, and there are a few friends I wanted to call tonight, but besides those important people, not having a phone today made me a better person. I wasn't able to chronically check emails - it's a sickness to which I've found no cure, I didn't have to glance at it every five seconds to see if anyone had called or text, and I didn't even have the ability to keep track of time, because my phone is my wristwatch. So pretty much, I just enjoyed life today, free of the neck cramping device that I loathe yet barely live without. It was such a relief to enjoy the Cardinals game - minus them losing - without wondering every other moment if an email had arrived or how many voicemail messages I'd need to return tomorrow morning. In reality I really do love me some simple life. But seriously, keep this on the downlow. I'm trying to act like this no phone thing is miserable, but maybe it really isn't so bad afterall.)

sodium intake...

I often find myself doing really dumb things. Asking obvious questions, totally spacing important tasks, or just doing things an awkward way. I don't think of myself as ditzy or spacey though. Maybe I'm in denial. I guess I'd have to take a poll of close family and friends to be sure. Wednesday night for example. Friends in from Denvervisiting and I'm pumped. I was going to meet them at my house, prepare dinner, then hit the road to make an early morning work event in Wichita. The wonderful Renee, my roommate and other house chef, finally got me over my fear of gas grills (seriously, I still have dreams about the gas igniting and my hair combusting into flames when lighting the thing) so I've been very into grilling lately. Plus, it just tastes waaaay better than most cooking methods. I've also been into using buffalo for burgers. Not much of a red meat eater anyway, buffalo has the great perks of being extra lean and not treated with growth hormones, so it's a win-win for me. The side dishes were Caesar salad and sweet potato fries.

My wonderful momma (Happy Mother's Day Mom!) taught me to boil potatoes first so they soak up with more water than oil, so I brought a big pot to boil and got the potatoes to work. The meal was good. Overcooked the burgers a little (blasted - I hate doing that!) but they were definitely still edible. And the fries. Umm. Wow, yeah. Making those again.

So, our household is on a small, not-quite-everyday mission to reduce our waste, compost, recycle, etc. And during the clean up of yummy dinner, I wondered what I could do with a big pot of potato water, full of nutrients from the sweet potato runoff. I was convinced, and told my guests as well, that I'd heard somewhere the water is really good for plants because of the added nutrients, and your houseplants really benefit from it. Well, I love me some house plants (much to another roommate's dismay) and the few I have were in need of TLC anyway. So in goes the nutrient rich water. Ah, the plants will be so happy. And then seconds after I pour in the last drop, I remember all the salt I originally poured into water to help flavor the potatoes. Uh... pretty sure salt kills plants.

Good job to me. Bravo. Brilliant. Helloooo. Where did my brain go?



In not-so-ditzy news I had a awesome weekend. Laura and Hilary's visit was wonderful, and they toured KC like nobody's business. Friday night was spent at the Boulevard Drive In with Iron Man 2. Beautiful evening, good movie. Felt like I was back in time. Oh, and Doritos and Oreo junk food fest. Yum yum yum. Ultimate Frisbee Saturday morning (we won!), Oklahoma Joe's for lunch at the original and, just decided yesterday, my favorite BBQ in KC. As a night cap we dusted off our boots for much needed dancing at D&D to celebrate Renee's birthday.





Aaaaand, I was able to sleep in this morning. Ah. Rest. How I enjoy thee.

I'll be working on my space cadetness, and keep you posted on the life of the plants. So far they're hanging tight.

nothin' but blue skies...

Wheelie bags and three ounce containers. Flight itineraries and security checks. Belts off then belts on. Terminal to your left. Seat on your right. Window or aisle? We've reached 10,000 feet. You may now power on your electronic devices. Cell phones in airplane mode. Peanuts? Beverage? We've begun our descent. Please power off anything with an on/off switch. Welcome to (fill-in-the-blank). Thank you for flying with us. Car rentals on your right. Baggage claim to your left.

I travel a lot. Too much maybe. Often by air, almost as often by car. Airports make my head spin. The check-in process is down to a science and Southwest makes it about as easy as it can get (love them), but each flight sucks the every ounce of energy straight out of my body. Zap. Poof. Gone. Insert dark undereyes, dehydration, exhaustion.

Which is why I'm so thankful for the times I'm able to get away from it all. Escape the world of movers and shakers and instead just be. This weekend was one of those. After a late evening arrival to KC from St. Louis, I continued the trek west to Central Kansas to spend quality time with friends. It was wonderful. Their little girl is growing up so fast (holy cow she's walking!) and they've put a lot of work into their home - it's always fun to come back and see the changes. We played a lot, cooked a lot, and even took naps in the backyard (it does not get better than snoozing on a blanket in the sunshine). An evening barbecue was quite the treat - so many kids running around and babies napping and laughing and playing.



On the way home I stopped to visit Justin and Amber on the farm. They won't be there much longer (buying a house in town - yay for them!) but I just love the drive out there. Today was no exception. Perfect clouds. Perfect temperature. Sunroof down, windows down - soaking in every minute. I didn't want to leave. Tomorrow is another day on the road. Another morning beginning hours before the crack of dawn. Weekends like this one are my refuge and my happy place. I can't wait for another.

you scream...

I am never allowed to buy Edy's Girl Scouts Thin Mint chocolate ice cream again. Never ever. Ever. Ever. It is definitely not making me thin. It's making me sick. Thank the high heavens it's being sold for a limited time only. Open mouth, insert spoon. Repeat indefinitely.

Blasted. Swimsuit season, here we come.

time trials...

Today was fulfilling. Peaceful. Rewarding.

Some work buddies and I participated in the Trolley Run this morning. Had breakfast after, and coffee. Delicious coffee. Then spent most of the afternoon editing photos and working up a DVD presentation. Good day for it, as the clouds were heavy with rain and the sun was afraid to shine. I could watch the great outdoors all from the comfort of the dining room window.

This week is going to be long, but the weekend sure was nice.

Even went to the RiverMarket farmer's market. Bought a carton of crazy-good strawberries. I had forgotten how real strawberries taste. Oh, that's right. Like pure awesomeness.

i am woman...

Today was a big day. Last night I purchased an external hard drive for little Mac so he could have more space (yes, I've used that as a break-up line too). This morning I formatted the new hard drive and felt like a bad ass. Yep, I did. Bad. Ass. And with only one call to my tech hotline in the process (aka either Doll or my brother... this time Doll) I felt like I'd accomplished something from complete scratch. Something I, twenty-four hours ago, knew nothing about.

Rwar.

And tonight I had an engagement session with the cutest, sweetest couple. Ah, they were so wonderful and took beautifully fierce shots. Can't wait to dig into those this weekend. It's like candy to me, sorting through all the photographs and selecting the best. And now that the photo files have a new home on Happy Place (I named my external hd, okay? It's weird, I know, but it means the world to me as I could not operate with it...) And, just for fun, attached is a photo from the shoot. I don't usually cross my personal blog with my photography blog, but eh, what the heck.

I just can't help myself.

Nighty night.

so lost without you...

My precious little MacBook is plum full and has no room for even an itty bitty file on it's hard drive. Which is incredibly sad to begin with, but even worse that the photos on the Nikon have to sit patiently on a memory card until I purchase some external hard drive space. Sniffle. Seriously. I'm uploading from that thing about every other day, now it all comes to a screeching halt.

There are worse things in life, absolutely. And I'll survive. I sure hope the Seagate external drive I have in mind goes on sale soon. Until then, blog is pictureless.

Did have a fabulous weekend though - parents came to visit, stayed in Manhattan Friday night, then worked our way up through Topeka and my cousin's volleyball tournament, to Kansas City. Where we shopped a little too much, took naps and read at Loose Park, then went neighborhood cruising around Brookside at all the beautiful homes I would someday like to own. Someday. Like in ten years.

don't give me no pop...

You could say I'm quite obsessed about all things food - eating it, figuring out how it was made, consuming responsibly raised meats, and trying recipes beyond ground beef and casseroles. Before tasting something I've made my roommate typically points, wrinkles her nose, and says, "What is that? The things you make are just... weird." Thank you, I'll take that as a compliment. That's why I was ecstatic (seriously, like a little kid on a field trip) our work group recently spent a beautiful morning at Shatto Dairy - a family owned farm just north of KC where the cows happily munch grass in green pasture and are not injected with the growth hormone rBGH

You might have noticed the Shatto milk brand on the shelves of Hy-Vees and specialty grocers in the Kansas City area. Their brand is cute and clever and the milk is packaged in beautiful glass bottles with quirky words that make me smile. If I wasn't a fan already, (I was, but my nearest grocery store doesn't carry it - darn them!) after touring the dairy I was hooked. The family operation is incredibly transparent. The tour began in the milking area, which milks twelve cows at a time (I think... forgive me if some of my logistics are off; I was going a little crazy with the camera at this point). They start at 3am (no thank you!) and shuffle over 150 cows through in record time. Next we had the opportunity for everyone to milk a heifer. It took me a few tries before having much success. And although it wasn't exactly as I thought it might be, I could see someone getting the hang of it pretty quickly with a few practices.

After petting baby calves and enjoying the patio out front via porch swing, the tour continued through the rest of the facility. My favorite part, of course, the cheese cave. The room is set up - temperature, humidity, mustiness - to perfectly mimic a cave. Apparently this is the best environment for cheese to hang out in and get more delicious by the minute. If you haven't tried Shatto cheese, um, get your booty to the grocery store. Pronto - go! It's delicious. And it supports a local farmer.
The last leg of the tour was taste sampling. We tried Rootbeer Milk (awesome, awesome, awesome) and Chocolate Milk (even better) and vanilla ice cream. It doesn't get much fresher than that.

Our tour guide was actually with farmer who started it all (Leroy, I think...?). He is a laid back, hilarious, and completely down to earth guy who, quite frankly, is humbly dumbfounded at the huge success his dairy has had. If you look around it's easy to see why it works so well - he has a wonderful, delicious product and he does things the right way. Leroy isn't looking for shortcuts; he just wants the best product his cows can provide to land in the hands of the all-consuming public, as soon as it possibly can. And he works his butt off to do so. No wonder the Shatto craze is catching on.

If you're looking for something out of the ordinary to do over a spring or summer weekend, set up an appointment with the dairy and spend an afternoon at Shatto! Pack a camera and pack a lunch, then be prepared to enjoy life in the slow lane for a few hours. Heck, even the drive out there had me forgetting all my work-filled woes. And don't come back until you've reached homemade ice cream nirvana. Ah, food bliss.

thank you sir, may i have another...

Before thinking I've gone more than nuts for posting a photo of a miniature Beanie Baby penguin named Zero, I shall explain.

I'm detoxing my life, my closets, my cubbies. All this stuff - crammed in boxes, shoved into corners, stacked on shelf upon shelf, in every nook and crannie of my existence. I'm over it. Done-do over. Over the clutter. Over the dust collectors. Over the distractions.

This weekend was the first installment of uncluttering my life. I went through piles, threw out things until it hurt a little, and even resorted to the, "hey, take a picture of it so you'll keep the memory and not the stuff". So, therefore, my friend Zero, who has lived in a shoebox for over a year, had his picture snapped and waved goodbye (can't you tell he's signing off?). Hopefully he'll soon have a home with someone who loves him dearly. I love who gave it to me - Dad, a couple of years ago for Christmas (because I had a very weird obsession with penguins awhile back... it's not my fault, SeaWorld made me) - but I don't love having too much stuff. And I hold a special place for all things Dad gives me, because he's not typically the gift giver; that's Mom's department. So when he picks something out all on his own, it's really special, because it must have reminded him of me, and it's a reflection of how much he cares about his kids. But it doesn't equal Dad's love, and I know he won't be upset it that I'm not keeping it forever.

The continuous process of uncluttering my life now consists of analyzing every purchase, maybe to the point of annoying myself a bit. Do I NEED this? Do I really, really NEED this really cute, difficult to find, perfect beautiful THING to set on my beautiful, perfect and expensive SHELF, because that SHELF needs more THINGS to set on it. Do I really NEED it? Really? OR...

Will it sit there collecting beautiful, perfect dust? Most of the time it IS a dust collector, and I don't need it. I just really wanted it. So it's stays on the shelf in the store. And I can admire it every time I return without spending a hot-diggity dime.

Don't get me started on shoe consumption... I have a minimizer plan on those as well. But I'll save it for another time. And yes, I'm a girl, and I love shoes too. Perhaps I just don't need as many...

exhale...

Some days are hard, but then again, some days can't get much better. Like this whole weekend. Sunshine, bird-chirping, sandal wearing bliss.

Deep breath in. Aaaahh.

And I cleaned out closets. And drawers. And basements. Triple aaahhh.

someday...

Tonight is a lonely night. Thoughts spin around my head until I feel dizzy and disoriented. And although it's quiet in my room, even throughout the house, my mind reverberates with loud, clanging and unconnected pieces and parts. I want to sleep but haven't been sleeping well. Last night I dreamt I was in an airplane when the engine stalled and we began free falling. I started praying, preparing to die. Everyone around me was doing the same. At the last moment the engine caught and we swooped upward, seconds from crashing into the city below. Immediately after realizing we were going to be okay, I swore off flying forever. I felt better after that, peaceful almost. Like I had some sort of control in this crazy life - I never had to get on an airplane again.

Maybe I'm homesick. Above is a photo of my Dad taken Easter weekend. It's his playful sad face. I think it's his basset hound face... imitating our beloved puppy, Missy. Or maybe it's because he couldn't find enough hidden eggs for his Easter basket. I loved being back, loved spending time with the family cooking, playing, storytelling. Just being. I wish they lived closer, so we could just be more often. I hope they know how much I love them. How can you ever show someone enough?

good company...

This week has been a little piece of wonderfulness. It's my last night of puppy/house-sitting, and I'm snuggled up in piles of beautifully patterned sheets, quilts, and duvet (hey, I like heavy covers. Plus it's SNOWING outside and I'm sure to be warm). There's a dim, warm glow from the small antique lamp adorning the night-stand, and I'm ten minutes away from dreamland (as long as the dreams aren't as strange as last night's. Or the night before that). Even though it snowed today (and keeps on snowing) it seemed just about perfect. I had breakfast, read, played the piano (they have a piano here... ahhh), and read some more. Then I took a wonderfully rejuvenating nap. The living room was bright with multiple the windows reflecting the brightness of the snow and whispery flakes falling all around. The house was quiet and peaceful even though I could see the trees blowing haphazardly with the forceful wind and unexpected gusts. The puppy snuggled up extra close and we snoozed contentedly, letting time tick by casually - such a rare treat. This week has been fun, and although I'm ready for home, the time away was good. Necessary. And it's been fun. The mother of the home loves to cook, and she has the greatest dishes - about anything you could want to prepare, she has a beautiful pan/pot/bowl to present it in. So Thursday a few friends came over for dinner. They were graciously patient, as the meal was almost two hours behind schedule. Eeks! That's so terrible, I know. I obviously grossly underestimated how long everything would take to prepare. We even got started right around 5pm, and I had someone helping me! Nevertheless, the guests brought over delicious wine and we chatted while I finished creating the evening's meal. On the menu:

Hor'devours
- traditional bruschetta
- bacon wrapped apicots with sage

Main
- Caesar salad
- chicken wrapped spinach and mozarella
- gnocchi with sauteed zucchini and squash tossed with pesto

Dessert
- apple pie a la mode

So, the items didn't necessarily come from the same food category, but they all melded together well.

Erica and Gerard even brought over flowers to cheer up the table setting. Erica has her own floral company, The Flower Girl, and I'm just the lucky friend who gets to enjoy her talents. Both her and Gerard chose orange arrangements with green accents. The displays completely lit up the room long after dinner was over. And the cats like to eat the flowers too - seems to be a two for one deal.




Finally, and quickly, here's a peek at my office this week. I love all the light this house receives - all the white. Everything seemed so bright and fresh. And the sweet little puppy sure made things nice as well.

puppy love...

This week I have the privilege of dog-sitting little Laker. She's six months old, cute-cute-cute, and follows me everywhere. I can't get enough. It's going to be tough telling her good-bye!

pow-pow.

The past week has been a whirlwind. Lots of travel, but a lot of fun. Last weekend I met the family in Denver for a quick ski trip (part II - yay!). It. Was. Awesome. We visited Copper Mountain, and Mom found a wonderful spot very close to the slopes. Laura and Jon met us for dinner Friday evening, and Sara joined soon after. Skiing three days was a dream, and thankfully we woke up to four to six inches of snow each morning - our skis were aching to float through the fluffy stuff.

Our legs, however, almost weren't up to the task. The altitude in addition to not being in shape quite as much as we'd planned had our muscles and lungs begging for oxygen. The first two days we hit the blues and blacks on the east side and headed there the third day as well. But the first run down, instead of feeling rejuvenated, we were pooped. So we changed gears and pointed our skis down the greens. That's when life became oh so sweet. We found a huge terrain park with beautiful rolling hills - you could go as big or small as you wanted. I get thrills from feeling my skis leave the ground, even if only for moments, so each go 'round I'd push off a little stronger and get a little braver. Ahh, exhilarating. I'm a sucker for an adrenaline rush. Although we had a wonderful time, I definitely missed having my brother along to challenge me to races and throw snowballs while I wasn't looking. He was taking care of Amber, who was recently diagnosed with Crohn's disease (thank you for all your prayers!) and unable to make it. We're grateful Amber is on the road to recovery - she's had a great caretaker during her time in the hospital.

The mini-vacation was great though - we skiied our hearts out during the day, Mom had warm soup waiting for us at lunch, and we'd make it out for a few more runs until the lifts closed. The evenings were relaxing - cards and united cheering around the television during Olympic competitions. Life is good.

In other exciting news, the Red Team was declared CCS Champs in the Dodgeball Tournament that wrapped up yesterday. Unfortunately the win was surrounded with controversy as one of the final play's calls (or lack thereof) was not supported by the sideline onlookers. And, without going on a crazy rant, the calls the entire game were less than stellar, and the first few were definitely in favor of the Teal Team. Regardless, dodgeball is a difficult sport to call, and the game ended as it did (I was still on the court so I have no idea what happened). We went undefeated the entire season, and I loved playing on the team. Go Red!

I'll fill you in on the other recent happenings soon - quick run down:

- home from Denver Monday evening
- back to Denver Wednesday for work appointment
- on to Phoenix for HR meeting Thursday and home again late Friday night
- tomorrow off to StL for a market visit
- and then... I shall sleep, and give my suitcase a break

Nighty-night.

poker face...

Happy Belated Valentine's Day. Hope you were able to celebrate. The neighbor boys invited us (after we asked) over for wine and cheese, and ended up surprising us with a meal. Many others joined later in the evening, and it turned into an unexpectedly wonderful gathering of people. Upon my return home, and after checking voicemail, it was hinted to check the mailbox before the mailman arrived. And, hands down, best surprise Valentine Card ever. Below are photos of it, and a reenactment of the pink shoe/gold sock combination I busted out last night. I couldn't bear actually putting on the ensemble again, so it's a still-life shot instead.

Also, just a friendly reminder Ash Wednesday is tomorrow. What are you sacrificing - what are your worldly attachments? Mine - The Office, The Bachelor (lame sauce, I know), lots of coffee, and occasional Facebook time-wasting nonsense. How are you growing in relationship with Jesus? Me - I need steady prayer time and Adoration time, and I need it badly. What are you doing to reach out to others in need? Maybe writing letters to those in prison, in the military, or to someone you've lost touch with; perhaps preparing meals for the hungry or loving the lonely. Maybe it's finding the courage to swallow a pride pill and offer an apology to someone you've hurt, to an old wound that won't heal. What is on your heart? When we take time to listen, God is usually very clear in what he is asking of us. Let us not be afraid to hurt a little this Lent - to offer up ourselves in the hope of uniting ourselves to the Cross.

st. anthony...

Winter is hard on me. Short days. Cold, bitter air. Just... brrr. So to pass the time and keep me busy I participate in a few indoor activities - dodgeball, spin class, and... volleyball. In fact, a few of us have been playing volleyball since June. It started with the game in the sand, and after three rounds of that it switched to court. Our 6pm games can be really difficult to make on time, so I typically pack my gear in order to not miss the game entirely.

Well, the last two games this has caused some problems. My packing (or my brain)hasn't been as stellar as usual. Forgot the sports bra last game. NOT a good idea. Totally awkward. Definitely not my top performance. And tonight, I forgot my socks. So I got to wear my lovely gold boot socks instead.

With my new hot pink Nikes. Wowzers. That, was hard on the eyes.

That's as exciting as my life gets. Check out rachellekuntzphotography.blogspot.com if you have some time to kill. Just uploaded engagement photos from a shoot in Denver. Enjoy!

screen lift...

Hi! My friends, I think the days of dark blue dots are over. After almost five (!) years of blogging bliss, it's time for a change, a breath of fresh air. So I've been hunting blog templates for a couple of days (unfortunately I'm not savvy enough to design my own) and finally landed on one that suits my taste and style. Simple, clean, great fonts, etc. Now I just need to figure out how to move that flower thing (which I'm not exactly a huge fan of... something similar maybe, but not that) behind my blog title, or remove it altogether, or replace it with another grayish thing I like better.

Let me know what you think - is this change good or bad? And if you're indifferent, well... carry on.

Have a happy, snowy and warm Sunday. Oh - and Happy Valentine's Day! (I almost forgot until editing the blog's post options.)

jolly good fellow...

The year is out the gate with a bang. I woke up at 10:30, had chicken noodle soup for breakfast (so good for the soul, especially when it's made by momma), and stayed in my pajamas all day. I probably shouldn't admit that on a public blog. Ah, but who's to judge. One of these days has been a long time coming. Finally able to catch up on a lot of little things otherwise pushed to the back burner, finally able to just kill some time. And when a slight panic attack snuck up on me from thinking the weekend was almost over, my Mac smiled at me with a friendly reminder - Friday, January 1, 2010. Aaaaaahh. Deep sigh of pure joy.

A quick year in review for 2009. It. was. tough. Sometimes I wonder - because of frequent moves, job changes, friend changes, life changes - how many know the real me. Because I think the past two years haven't really been me. Not all of me anyway. Shining moments, hopefully, but not all of me. There's something missing, and this year has been a reflection of what that might be and why. I haven't found any black and white answers. No solutions plopped perfectly in my lap. Unfortunately. Blasted I wish it were that easy. Everything seems so complicated, so many things intertwined and overlapping and confusing.

The central theme I keep coming back to is this life is short. Way too short (of course, I'm not the Maker and from what I hear it gets much better than this, but it still seems short). And I'm always worried it will end before I'm able to experience my lofty dreams and adventures. Not even just the big adventures - I'd absolutely l-o-v-e to take a Europe backpacking trip and experience Alaska's wilderness (don't worry, I'm still planning on it), but it's the small things too. Coffee with friends, refreshing conversation, long hugs, good books. And at times I become so overwhelmed at what I haven't yet been able to do that I stop doing anything. I feel frozen. And I stop living.

Today I was clicking around a few of my favorite photographers' blogs (big ol' time-wasting guilty pleasure). I stumbled on Adventure Monkey. It's the musings of a photographer who had been sucked into all sorts of corporate cubicle mindlessness, and strongly desires to take the plunge in following his heart and focus on photography - free-spirited, wide open freedom to shoot whatever and whenever. Around the same time he took up cycling like nobodies business, so now he cycles, discovers, and shoots. And if that wasn't enough, he lives (from what I can tell) somewhere in the middle of Kansas. So his entries, reflections, and photographs pulled me in immediately. A few posts ago he wrote about the new year and his expectations for 2010. It felt like he was writing it for me; like he pulled the words right out of my mouth for the world to see. So I thought I'd share, and in some way make it my manifesto for the year as well:

'Today I refilled my little desk calendar with 365 more days. All the sudden, I had a moment. "This was a pretty good year," I thought. I need to do things for real on this next set of pages. I need divine inspiration, a spark of ingenuity to turn these ideas of mine into actions. I can't bear to live in this cage and change the calendar in 365 days. I am going to go for it next year. I will live as it is for an important reason, a purpose. I will not give up... This is the year that ideas must turn into actions. These next 365 days I dedicate to a life worth living.'

In a more recent entry he also noted:

'It would be nice to say I came up with a great idea that will solve all my problems while cycling the hundreds of miles I logged this year, but that’s not the case. I am simply ready to live. Ready to try new things again. Ready to make goals and the plans to achieve them. I have realized that life is short and I only live once. I want to leave it all on the field. I want to try and fail rather than having regrets for never trying. I want to inspire others to remember the dreams they once had and realize the only thing keeping them from achieving those dreams is fear. Fear is not real, it is in our minds, keeping us from living.'

Yep, I'm ready to live in 2010. Ready to take off this painfully comfortable shell I've been hauling around the past two years. Ready to be me.

peace on earth...

Tonight was our (now) annual Christmas dinner celebration with roommates of the BR/MC. We chose Julian, a new spot in Brookside serving delicious and unique gourmet comfort food. I almost want to momentarily turn into a food critic, carefully describing all our creative dishes and desserts. But... I'm not going to. Just know it really was delicious (except the mussels for Shawndra - but she tried!) and you should check it out.

I would rather instead reflect briefly on the joys and smiles only good friends bring. You know everyone is enjoying themselves when they stay long, long after the check has been delivered and paid. You know everyone is comfortable when they laugh a little too loud, tell stories they wouldn't tell their mother, and order whatever looks yummiest on the menu, without regard to caloric intake.

It was that kind of dinner. With those kind of friends. I'm so thankful. And I say that often, I'm sure. But I don't say it enough. It's been wonderful sharing Kansas City with you all, and I'm incredibly grateful our friendship has long outlasted the late night college rendezvous and ridiculous Aggieville adventures.

May you have a very Merry Christmas and know your friendship is an immeasurable blessing to me.

pump it up...

Ummm... the blow-up snowmen, blow-up Santa Clauses, and blow-up Christmas trees are not only taking over our neighbors' yards and burning our holes in our retinas, they are also taking over the reason to celebrate the season.

What in this big, beautiful world is up with all those lawn decorations? When can we go back to a few strings of soft white lights framing the roofline and a sparkling tree in the window?

The calm, peaceful, quiet kind of Christmas cheer.

We could all use a dose this holiday season.

now i lay me...

I would like to write tonight, but feel a little empty. Funny stories aren't coming to mind, and although I have an idea of the next post, it will have to wait for now. I'd like to share about the nice weekend in KC instead. It was a wonderful weekend. Friday was an evening with friends (thanks for letting me interrupt guy night to eat sushi with you - I always laugh more on those days than any other of the week). Saturday we escorted Bridget to the Paola bridal shop for bridesmaid dress hunting. I think we found them all within an hour and a half (we impressed even ourselves!) then headed down the street to a delicious cafe (Maria's... maybe?) We even found our shoes that day also. They are sassy and fabulous. I took them out of the box today just to peek again.

Last night I met with friends and co-workers to see the Zeros in action. They're an 80's cover band, and playing for our quickly approaching Holiday Party, so we wanted to check them out ahead of time. It's going to be quite a party!

This evening we had roommate dinner. It was my turn to cook. On the menu - Semi-cobb Salad, Smoky Chicken Corn Cakes (sounds strange, I know... but oh when you taste it...), and Cherry Popover with vanilla bean ice cream for dessert.

Now I'm snuggled in my freshly washed, Downy scented sheets; two pillows awkwardly propping up my neck. I'm ridiculously excited to have a decent night's sleep. Although I've been having terrible dreams lately, it will be a wonderful change of pace to have the full eight hours of lah-lah land opportunities.

And on that note... sweet dreams.

carry on...

I feel like such a hypocrite. Just last night I was talking to friends about how strongly I feel online networking and instant messaging systems suck our time into a big black hole - spending hours and hours a day (track it sometime for a fun personal development exercise) perusing others' updates, checking out old classmate's new baby photos, trying to figure out exactly how that person knows another person. Just thinking about it makes my brain spin. But that's exactly what I spent a good hour this evening doing. Bah!

And as much as these communication venues have their place (believe me, Facebook has made it a whole lot easier to continue contact with people you've recently met) I'm worried we're spending much more time on the keyboard than over a cup of coffee. I worry we're living in this alter-reality world in which we discover so much information about our friends (or, I'd argue, acquaintances), without truly knowing them. We see their wild nights out in play by play or learn from an update they're having a bad day and are frustrated with their boss, but on an emotional level we have no idea who this person is, and not a clue of their true essence, passion, ideas, goals.

We click through pages and pages of people's information (and why some are so willing to provide so much... that would take an entirely different day to deal with) yet it's highly unlikely we'll even be invited to their wedding, or visit them after the birth of their first, second, third child. We won't hang out with them on weekends, or fly to visit them once a year.

Instead we sit, almost anonymously, behind a glowing monitor, making half-hearted attempts to re-connect with old friends, or sort-of-kind-of friends. We make funny wall posts, browse pages of updates, and try to connect the dots. We message things we don't really mean. We say things we'd never say in person. We criticize, we gossip, we waste our precious, precious time.

But I'd like to propose a change. A shift. A step back into the good ol' days. Back to a time when neighbors didn't call to see if you were home, but instead just swung by and knocked. Back to a day when we could just be with those we care about, or even those we'd like to know more, either goofing off or in great conversation - building friendships and trust in a very real, very personal way.

Someday I imagine we'll be able to look back on our lives (if only briefly) and analyze the choices we made and actions we took. I know if I look back and realize I've spent most of my time burning the midnight oil on Joe Schmo's Facebook page, after page, after page, I'll be more than kicking myself.

We were put on this great and beautiful earth to LIVE. And not just to live, but to live fully. Go out a make a difference in someone's life today. The real, in-person kind of difference. Be interested in them, learn about them, experience their feelings and frustrations and happiness. I guarantee that will feel so much better than having 574+ friends added online.

security check...

I've been on a bit of a MidWest tour the past week, some of which lent itself to a few silly scenarios. One of which I'd like to share with you this fine Monday morning.

To preficit, I somewhat despise checking luggage. It's such an extra hassle - more lines to wait in before boarding, more waiting after landing, and just more stuff to carry around in general. So typically it's my life's goal to pack whatever I need for however long I need into carry-on luggage. Normally this is accomplished with no trouble and room to spare - overnight to STL, two days in OKC, no problemo. However, when trips are bordering a week or so, packing gets a little tight. Take this week for example. Headed out Tuesday evening for Oklahoma, flew to Denver Thursday evening, and am now at the airport ready to fly home. Six days no matter, I was not going to check baggage.

In order to do this I have to pack smart (the key is very few pairs of shoes - ballet flats work best), but I also cheat - just a little. I bring a wheelie bag and my bookbag (which I stuff with tennis shoes, books, hats, etc). And I also bring my purse/side-sling/whatever you want to call it. Obviously that's one extra bag over the limit. So, right before it's time to board I cinch my purse onto my bookbag and hand the attendant my boarding pass unnoticed. And don't worry all you frequent fliers, I don't take up any additional space in the overhead storage - the bookbag and purse fit under the seat in front of me, and no one is the wiser.

I've used this system for over a year now, and it's always been quite a slick process. Always, that is, until Thursday evening.

It started on the flight to Denver. I snagged a window seat with the perfect frame curvature to rest my weary head. Soon after a mom with little baby grabbed the aisle seat. Oh boy. And finally, to complete the happy trio, a large goateed truck-driver plopped right in the middle (he said he was lucky to choose us because we were little and he'd have plenty of room...). Anyway, everyone in the row was chatty and friendly, and at take-off the baby didn't even cry. Perfect, time to get in a little nap. Fifteen minutes in truck-driver elbowed my in the ribs and said, "you didn't expect to sleep the whole time did you?". No, no, of course not - that's not why my eyes were closed and my entire body was facing the window. Oh well, I'm up now.

Truck driver proceeded to entertain baby by playing with all of baby's toys and making lots of noises. Then truck driver realized if he pushed the flight attendant call button, baby looked intrigued and stopped fidgeting. So here we go. Ding-light-baby coo, ding-light-baby coo, ding-light-baby coo. I'm shrinking in my seat as the attendant call continues to go on and off, on and off. Very soon after two flight attendants, one from each end of the plane, literally run over to our seats and ask if we're having an emergency.

Nope, no emergency.

Are you sure? Usually when the call goes on and off five times in a row or more, it means there's an emergency; someone choking or something.

Nope, no problems here. Just doing what I can to entertain the baby. He likes it, see? Ding-light-baby coo.

Please don't do that again sir.

Fast-forward to landing. I was anxious to get off the plane, as Sara had been waiting at the airport for over an hour (her flight arrived earlier than mine). The mom had lots of baby things all over the place, so she asked if it's be okay to wait until everyone had left the plane. Sure, no problem. I made small talk with truck driver and waited (sort-of) patiently for the plane to clear out. When it was finally our turn, I made a mad dash to get outta there, and happily jumped on the train/subway/whatever at DIA to be transported to the main terminal.

That's where the actual problem began. I'm about to reach the place where friends and family wait longingly for their loved ones, when I realize (and momentarily stop breathing) - NO! I don't have my wheelie bag! Oh crap. Where in the world is my wheelie bag? Did I just let go and stop carrying it. Pretty sure I'm losing my mind. Had to go to the Southwest counter and get a pass to get back through security. Then go back through security. All the while Sara is waiting in the 45 Minute Parking Lot (for over an hour). I finally get through the A,B, and C terminals on the train, find the gate and talk to the flight attendant. She shakes her head - no bag. All the bags on the overhead belonged to the through passengers.

I really am losing my mind.

Did I leave it on the train? Did I forget to hold onto it on the walking sidewalk? Did someone take it on accident?

The flight attendant told me I had to wait until everyone boarded the continuing flight before she would check again. Ummm... that doesn't make much sense to me, to wait until the plane was super crowded with more bags and people. But, what choice was left? I sat, and continued thinking I was crazy - trying to remember where I left it.

Flight attendant went back in, then came back victorious - with the wrong black bag. Oh boy. She finally asked if I'd like to check myself. Yes please. I walked halfway down the aisle, looked to the right. There she was, in all her black piping glory, nametag and all. My clothes, my Chi, my shoes! Thank you St. Anthony.

An hour and a half after original arrival time, I hopped into Sara's car and off we went to Boulder. I can't thank her enough for her patience. And for the flight attendant allowing me back on the plane.

And now I know I'm only half crazy. And I won't forget my luggage again.

walnut bread...

I finally figured it out! The low-fat blueberry muffins served at Mimi's Cafe has got to be partially made out of angel food cake. Try it sometime. I always thought they tasted kind-of weird. Not bad weird, just different than regular muffins weird. And tonight, while munching on a leftover muffin half, it hit me. Sha-bam.

happiness...

Life always feels fuller with friends. Especially the kind who accept you for who you are - even when your hair is all crazy, your masacara is smudged, and you smell like you played softball for four hours. Ew.

Or the kind who let you put them to work painting tables and trim and doors. Those kind are pretty awesome too.

Or the ones who keep calling to workout with you each morning. Even when you're late almost every time; even though you whine that you can barely open your eyes let alone lift your arms to do lateral pulls while standing in an alternating lunge.

I often wonder if I tell people enough. How much they mean to me. How I love feeling free to laugh and tease and just be. How much listening to me process my wild brain and mish-mashed thoughts really helps me sort things out and feel balanced again. I could say it more. I should.

It's such a treat being surrounded by great friends. A wonderful, amazing blessing to have friendships, both near and far, to share this life with us.

hold the health...

I just made my third McDonald's run in the last two weeks. And coming from someone who frequently considers vegetarianism and believes in the humane treatment of animals, I think I'm losing my marbles. Or my will-power. Or my decency. Or all three. Two of the trips were for vanilla ice cream cones, which has recently become a summer obsession, but tonight was a double cheeseburger.

And it wasn't even after-bar food. I was just hungry.

I found out this evening my friendly neighborhood grocer closes at 11pm (I thought it was open 24hrs. My bad). I had great intentions of making spinach and feta turkey burgers - which received 4.5 stars by the way, and as we all learned from last night, the stars never lie - but I was 17 minutes too late! And had to settle for whatever food I could get my grubbie little paws on this time of night. Which just happened to be the glowing golden arches emitting beacons of light and greasy temptation.

And now the guilt is kicking in. I've got to get off this fast-food kick. Or this spending money kick in general. It seems to be flying out of my wallet faster than I can say grande soy latte. And I can say that pretty fast.

After attempting some research on my profession, I connected the dots and realized the poor-eating stint might be related to job stress. Here's a quick, non-comprehensive description of my role as HR Lady:

Human resource professionals contribute to utilizing the skills and expertise of employees to an optimum level. They are also in charge of creating and maintaining harmony in order to maintain a pleasant and comfortable work environment.

And that, my friend, is a tall order.

Can I have fries with that?

rock salt...

Maybe, hopefully, pretty-pretty please, the replacement cell phone will arrive tomorrow. It's been a difficult go without it.

Other than that, life is full. I love summer and all the sports it involves. I love BBQs and ice cream and the sun's warmth after spending all day indoors enduring icy air-conditioning.

And friends who knock on your door because they know your phone is broken.

And winning strategy board games against Nick (sorry Nick).

And not knowing what tomorrow will bring, but instead simply living and loving the moment. That's life in all its glory.

Summertime helps me feel alive.

deafening...

Although challenging, not having a cell phone has been strangely liberating. I realized I'm tethered down to it throughout almost my entire day. I've been known to check it every two minutes for a new email. But all of the sudden - no email to check at stop lights, no calls to return after playing volleyball all evening, no voicemail to process through. I don't even know what time it is when I'm in my room, and my roommate has to knock on the door in the morning as a wake up call.

Strange, but I think I like it.

Just living, breathing, and taking in life. Instead of filling it with that tiny screen and tracking ball.

Ahhh.

This, of course, doesn't pertain to work. The lack of phone for the job has been difficult. Especially when there are phone interviews scheduled with out of state candidates tomorrow. And calls coming in every 10 minutes. When that replacement phone comes I'll be playing catch-up. But until then...

I'll just keep breathing in the odd silence that missing object brings.

uh... hello?

My cellular telefono is on the fritz. And as I'm trying to figure out and fix all the problems that have led to the most excruciating neck pain of my life (bluetooth - check, new fluffy pillow - check, massage and doctor's visit - check check), I find it quite ironic that my phone, which I blame the majority of my painful problems on, happened to crash today.

I think it was providential.

For now - tomorrow I'll probably miss it, but for tonight, my neck thanks me.

bling...

This week was strange, but good. Had to drive around a Chevy Aveo5 hatchback in Oklahoma City for two days. No offense to the poor thing, but it was one of the ugliest cars I've ever seen. We made a lot of u-turns. And I had Arkansas plates. So I'm hoping that excused my lack of direction and driving skill while navigating the city.

Also, went to Wendy's bachelorette party Friday night and had a blast. We went to Brick Town and enjoyed all the perks of being with a bride-to-be. No covers, and even a free rick-shaw ride (which was amazing by the way - 6 girls on a cart, one guy pulling. His name was Charlie. He's incredible.)

Part of the evening was spent on the dance floor. A tall, super-kind guy from India named Matthew kept me occupied. The best part was when a song I didn't recognize started playing. Matthew looked at me, his eyes shining, "This Indian song, this Indian song!" And he and his friends proceeded to show me how to dance to their beat. There was a lot of hopping on one leg and waving hands in the air. I laughed a lot and messed up a lot. And enjoyed myself a lot.

Side note - part of Wendy's bachelorette 'to-do' list while on the town was to get five guys to write down their marriage philosophy. I'm hoping to get the list from Wendy if she still has it, so it can be posted. It's hilarious - some were really sweet, and others quite practical. Who knew guys at bars could be so insightful?

The ones I remember:

- Make sure he's the one who takes out the trash
- Don't get married until you're at least 25

golly golly gasolina...

The other day I drove away from the gas station - fuel nozzle planted securely in gas tank (second time this year).

It's really embarrasing.

Any then you get paranoia each time you drive away from the pump. Did I take out the nozzle this time? I think I did. Yes, I did.

Wait, did I?

Maybe I need to get more sleep. My brain is mushy.

she sells seashells...

I haven't had a chance to sort through vacation photos, but I wanted to post a few for a quick peak sneak of the trip we took to Oahu and Kauai a couple of weeks ago.

A three-legged cat joined us to watch the sunrise. We named her Coconut.

There are chickens and roosters everywhere. They make themselves at home in any situation imaginable. You could be sitting on the beach, hear waves crashing, and then hear a cock-a-doodle-doo. It was really comical.

Sunset the evening before on our drive back from Hwy 560.

telephone...

I often think life is such a great comedy. Yesterday for example.

Overheard clerk talking to co-worker at a convenience store in Russell, Kansas:

"When I eat at work I only buy cheese sticks or pork rinds. Everything else in here is so fattening."

Also, my Aunt Vicky passed along a story about Grandma I had yet to hear. One evening some of the family went out for dinner, and Grandma decided to have part of a bottled margarita drink the other girls were having. When Aunt Vicky and Grandma were later walking to the restroom, Grandma leaned over and said:

"Wow Vicky, that marijuana is really good!"

It's been one year tomorrow since she's been gone. I miss her. To celebrate her life, some of her daughters are getting together to eat really spicy Mexican food (Grandma's favorite) and drink "Marijuanas".

Cheers to that.

aloha...

Hello swimsuit and flip flops. Good-bye laptop and cellphone.

bean bag toss...

Finally, finally the weather cooperated and I attended my first Ultimate Frisbee pick-up game of the season. It was bliss. My lack of lung capacity was immediately apparent after two sprints up and down the field. By the end I was practically dragging my feet through the grass, barely able to pick up my feet, but I was smiling on the inside. Aaahhhh.

potpourri...

I think my life is sometimes like my GPS. I have all the best intentions of ending up in the right place, but sometimes I sure take some crazy routes to get there.

Anyway, I keep wanting to blog, but I open up a new post and the creativity juices feel all dried up. I want to share and inspire and provoke and provide comic relief. But my fingers sit still on the keys. No clickety-clack, tap tap tap. Just quietness. Even though my brain is buzzing with chatter.

So I decided to just share some recent reflections (not brilliant reflections, more so just random) for now, until the writing bug strikes again:

- So what about this weather, huh? It's freaking incredible. I can't soak it in enough.
- Visited Denver, gorged myself on my first City Grille burger (and b-day brownie awesomeness with Laura & Laura) and later saw a gorgeous sunset over the mountains from City Park. Hotel reservation was lost. Slumber party instead. Bok choy.
- My room is a disaster and I'm contemplating getting a personal assistant. Okay, not really. But I've really thought about it. Still thinking about it.
- Going on vacation soon... definitely not prepared, but getting more excited. Liz and I are going to be brave. I hope.
- I have amazing friends. Amazing, amazing, amazing. I'm just so thankful. And it's beautiful to me that friendships just keep getting stronger beyond college. I thought after that things went downhill. Turns out, things can get even better.
- Ultimate Frisbee tomorrow - FINALLY!
- Will I always sleep with my stuffed animal leopard, Tabitha? Umm, I should delete that.
- I wish my family lived closer. I would bug them all the time.
- Does anyone know of a good hairspray that holds, but doesn't crispify your locks? No me gusta crunchy.
- Where in the heck do people find any sort of balance in their lives? Right now my balance-o-meter is all out of whack - ack! Hey, that rhymes.
- I get to see Piper this weekend! I cannot wait. Seriously. Seriously seriously.
- I'm dreaming of our family trips to the lake. It won't seem like summer until we've water-skied across the rippling waves.
- God is so good. So, so good.

Night.

can you hear me now...?

It feels so good to be home. No matter how long the drive, the familiarity of Main Street (careful - only 20mph zone), Mom's kitchen, and Dad's pick-me-off-the-ground hugs are always, always worth it.

Plus, Justin and Amber made it back too. Even better. Now home feels complete.

Oh, and a big thank you to friends who keep me on speaker phone for over an hour in order to prevent me from falling asleep at the wheel while crossing the Great Plains. That's what I call awesome.

and action...

Me, JVC Camcorders, and iMovie don't get along. At all. How difficult can it be to import video? This is nutso. I'm going nutso.

love...

It seems as though birthdays lend to moments of reflection and recollections about one's life and the journeys that have brought you to this exact moment in time. Mom called this morning and left a voicemail about how thankful she was that I was brought into their lives twenty-five years ago. Of course, Mom is always warm and loving, always a kind word for my brother and I, but her had me thinking...

And I think it should be the other way around.

Thank you Mom and Dad, for bringing my life into this world.

What if I had never been given the chance to experience all this life has to offer? The valleys and peaks, joys and heartaches.

I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be on this great earth and actively participate in what it has to offer - all that is good, as well as that which is difficult. So many are never given the chance.

cuddlebug...

This weekend I finally had the privilege to meet Piper Jalee, who was born February 19th to extremely proud parents Zach & Bridget. I drove back home this morning and all I could think about today was her - wishing I could hold her one more time to watch the funny faces she makes, hear her little grunts, and all the other little things she does to make those around her smile. It doesn't take much for her to entertain. There's something so sweet and joyful about a little baby - you just can't help but love them instantly.

It dawned on me that this was basically the only time I've even been around an infant for an extended period of time. And Bridget taught me well. She told me not to be afraid of them crying (usually she was hungry, a need that was quickly met) which was good, because usually when babies cry I freak out and quickly hand him/her to mom. Piper helped me out by not crying much to begin with, but if she did, it wouldn't last long.

There's so much to tell you about my visit. We celebrated Piper's 1-Month Birthday, shopped at Hobby Lobby for nursery decor, bought groceries, went to Lowe's, had her one month doctor's check-up (she was ridiculously cute squirming around on the scale waiting for her measurement - she gained two pounds in two weeks!), ate at Bogey's (holy monkeys the shakes there are amazing), took lots of pictures, and went for walks around the neighborhood. And Piper was a trooper throughout each journey. In fact, anytime she was in her car seat and in motion, she was a happy sleeping baby, which makes running errands about as painless as possible with a newborn.

...Somehow through it all, I was able to avoid diaper duty - phew!

I'm so thankful for the time I was able to spend with Piper and her family. It's so beautiful to see two wonderful people bring a child into this great big world. Piper - you have so many great adventures ahead, may you always know you are loved.

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of His hand.

evergreen...

Daylight Savings Time can be exhausting. Today I was feeling a bit sorry for myself - my undereyes were dark, my body worn out. This evening however, my roommate humbly changed my opinion on the difficulty of losing that one hour of sleep.

She said, "You know, as much as I'm tired today from losing an hour of sleep last night, I am so thankful it's still light outside."

Hello. It was about 6:30pm. I had been staring out the kitchen window eating a bowl of cereal and appreciating the sun finally revealing itself through the clouds, and it never dawned on my that yesterday it would have been dark out.

What a wonderful feeling to have spring so soon on the way.

suzuki forenza wha...?

Having a rental car is a funny thing, and it can lead to precarious situations. I can't wait to return this one back to Enterprise.

I miss the Volvo and all its wonderful delights. Like a horn in the middle of the steering column, right where I like it.

caffe americano...

On my Starbucks cup this afternoon:

The Way I See It #76

The irony of commitment is that
it's deeply liberating - in works,
in play, in love. The act frees you
from the tyranny of your internal critic,
from the fear that likes to
dress itself up and parade around
as rational hesitation. To commit is
to remove your head as the barrier
to your life

- Anne Morris, Starbucks customer from NYC

It's not often a paper cup makes me reflect as much as this one did.

What excuses am I holding onto? What fears and self-doubts are preventing me from being the best me I have to offer? Why is our society, this generation, myself included, so afraid of committing to anything? When will we take ownership for our actions, decisions, and ultimately our future? When will we stop making excuses for our mediocrity and indecision?

Very soon, I hope.

And all that from a grande soy latte.

dear john...

Did anyone know there really is such thing as the Dead Letter Office? I guess when I was little I'd heard about it once or twice, but I mistakenly thought it was the place where letters for dead people went after they died. This Tuesday I found out that theory was slightly inaccurate.

Sunday night I was trying to wrap up some loose ends at work, so on my way to grab some food, I gathered a bunch of letters to be mailed, both private and work related, so I could drop them off and cross the task off my to-do list. I searched my office high and low for stamps, made sure all the envelopes were sealed, and proudly left with my stack of mail. I pulled around the moon-shaped drive and pulled up as close as I could to the big blue drop box. Double checked to ensure they all had stamps. Yep. Check. And as I tossed them down the chute I realized, all too late, that although they might all have stamps, not all of them had addresses. Nooooo!

Two of the notes were thank you's from Christmas - I'm a lot behind! I had actually written them over a month ago, but long story short, they were lost and only recently discovered. Looks like they'll be lost again.

I called on Monday to see what happened to letters without addresses. Who even does that? Sheesh. The Post Office would never pick up the phone, so I decided to drive there before work. I get there and no one is manning the office. In fact, all the lights are off and the door is locked. Great - does anyone even work around here? (I accidentally sighed that outloud) A woman checking her PO Box graciously explained in was President's Day and they were closed.

Brain-head move #2 within 24 hours.

An even longer story short, I got ahold of the Post Office on Wednesday. After explaining to the man what happened, he asked if I'd at least included a return address on the envelope? Dude, if the letters had return addresses, I wouldn't be desperately searching the post office in an effort to track them down.

He said I had to contact the Dead Letter Office within 30 days to see if it can be found at retrieved. That's when I found out a Dead Letter Office is really a place for letters without a home. An interesting thought, really. But I just want my letters back so I can share them with the loved ones intended.

So Laura, Steve & Sharon - if you receive thank you's four months late, it's not my fault. They're stuck in an office somewhere with no place to call home.

puddin'...

While attempting a little office organization today I came across the menu of a restaurant called Iron Barley. It's located in St. Louis, possibly not in the best part of town. But it was showcased on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, and it's so GOOD!

I ordered Schnitzel & Spaetzle and have honestly been craving it ever since. I don't even know what that means (I think it was a fried pork chop of some sort), but it was such great food.

If you're ever in the STL area I highly recommend it stopping by. Don't be discouraged by the ambiance. It's well worth the grub.

don't say a word...

One of my favorite, rare pleasures in life? Falling asleep to the sound of rain pitter-pattering on the rooftop, the distant rumble of thunder lulling me deep into dreamland.

click...

I was so excited for this morning. Brian and I got in late to Sacramento, and after picking up the rental and finding our hotel, we were pretty dog-tired. Whatever that means... dogs are almost always tired. Anyway, the change in time zone meant I'd get to sleep-in and still conquer an AM workout before the first training session of the day began.

My sleep was much disturbed, which was unusual for me, but I chalked it up to the flight and anxiety of travel and what the week had in store. My alarm went off perfectly as planned - 6:05AM PST. Why 6:05? I don't know. I suppose 6:00am seemed too early. I flicked on the lamp above the night stand, ready to attack the treadmill and work through some sore muscles.

That's weird. No light. Hmmm, probably operator error, as it was last night during the five minutes it took me to figure out how to turn it on. Bathroom break. What the?! This light doesn't work either? I tried every other light in the room, then checked the clock. Out, out, and out. Called the front desk. They knew - it was affecting the entire hotel and a technician was on his way.

Okay, well, I guess I'll answer some emails until I can get ready. Oops, wait a minute. My computer battery is dead from using it on the plane.

So I went back to bed, only able to fall asleep halfway. Eventually the time gap for a workout slipped by, then time for a real shower slipped by as well. Finally it was 7:30am, and I knew I couldn't lay in bed forever. I took a freezing cold shower in the dark with hair high in a ponytail (we all know what a little mist can do to these bangs), and attempted to get clean. Seriously, that is some difficult business! You throw one of those variables in and it's tricky, but both! Hope the trainer doesn't mind greasy hair and half shaved armpits.

The electricty came back at 9:30am. The training was delayed but we powered through it. This evening Brian and I went for a run then out to a great restaurant downtown called Biba. Our server, Rueben, was incredible bar none. And the food was excellent as well.

Now I'm headed back to bed, hoping the early morning tomorrow brings will be filled with fake flourescent light and powered plug-ins.

yes ma'am...

There are so many decisions we make daily. So many things that require a choice.

What time to wake up?
Hit snooze or crawl out of bed?
Eat breakfast?
Respond to emails or make phone calls?
Drive the speed limit?
Be honest with a friend?
Have dessert?
Use your blinker?
Take out the trash or leave it for your roommate?
Stick up for what you believe in or let it go?
Floss?

How do we know if we’ve made the right one? And will we ever know how one decision affects our life? We do the best we can. Or we hope we do, but is it enough?

I’m on a plane to Sacramento. We are headed to a week-long leadership training. It’s the longest I’ve been gone for work at one time. We have some fun things planned (yummy restaurants, IKEA, REI), but my heart has been heavy the last few days, making it difficult to be excited for the journey. Perhaps if it were near the ocean…

I’m not sure how to express my feelings, disappointments, frustrations that have recently surrounded me. My mind feels cloudy; confused. And each question I ask myself as a means to process seems to be answered by another question following close behind. Solutions and resolutions seem far and few between.

It’s funny to think about people. About how predictable we are, no matter how unique and interesting on the outside, a majority of the time we respond as expected. The saying often goes when dealing with people, there is always the unknown, the X factor – we are not robots; we are not black and white. But part of me likes to argue that deep down, perhaps we are; maybe there is very little gray left at the end of each day.

I think that’s why when someone takes you by surprise, it’s quite refreshing. You were ready for the right hook shot, and got the left uppercut instead. Yowzers. Didn’t see that one coming.

I wish people were less predictable. I wish we all were.

one foot on the ground...

It’s funny how you just break down,
Waitin' on some sign
I pull up to the front of your driveway
With magic soakin' my spine.

Can you read my mind?

- The Killers 'Read My Mind'

sweet home...

Was it just me or did the sun shine a little brighter than usual today?

Maybe it was the two hour coffee shop chat with an incredible friend, or the bierock delivery followed by good conversation, or perhaps the piano lesson (yes, I was quite rusty), a friend's crazy-awesome news, the workout (okay, I'll be honest, Pilates wasn't great, but seeing Bridge and Liz was) or even missing dinner in exchange for a little quality time...

Life is so good. And I love being on vacation.

Now, does someone want to help me unpack all my bags?

up above the world so high...

There is nothing like looking out at the Western Kansas sky during the black of night, with billions of twinkling stars shining clear and high, high above. I always forget, until visiting back home, how many stars are hidden in the bright lights of the city.

But here, where life operates a little slower and Starbucks isn't available on every corner (or any corner for that matter, as I grudgingly remembered yesterday morning), the view is so magnificent.

Breathtaking, inspiring, speechless.

A perfect end to a beautiful Christmas, as we pulled in late tonight from a day spent at Grandma's house visiting family, sharing stories, and eating too many sugar cookies.

you can count on me...

It seems as though there is always so much to do in order to get ready for Christmas. I sit here tonight, bundled under warm blankets, with the dreaded 'List' running through my head. It just seems to get bigger and bigger. And then the stress settles into my shoulder blades, hoping to find a permanent place to call home. When is there time to do it all? I've already decided my Christmas goody deliveries are going to be prepared the week after the actual holiday. I hope friends don't mind. Today time simply ran out.

Why is it so difficult to often remember Christmas in its true sense? Each year I tell myself I'll take more time to anticipate the real meaning of the season. And every year December 22 rolls around and I'm scrambling for last minute gifts and licking envelopes for cards that won't make it to mailboxes on time.

Getting together with friends last night, putting up the tree, making cookies and cider - those are the things that make me smile and literally feel warm from the inside out. I loved seeing everyone together, laughing, sharing a meal, telling stories. That is happiness. We should take time for it more often.

Merry Christmas everyone! Thank you for your friendship and love since my move to Kansas City. What a blessing you all have been!

yikes...

I'm sure they're convenient for storage purposes in the off-season, but the blow-up, air-filled Christmas yard decorations have simply got to go. Maybe save the money for your kid's college fund instead.

I don't know, just a suggestion.

yesteryear...

Tonight we celebrated Jon's birthday, Laura B. style, which means lots of great eats (including homemade apple pie), lots of great drinks, and a fun group of invitees. Toward the end of the evening Laura and I reminisced about the Denver blizzard two years ago, and the night a group of us went sledding behind a pick-up truck in the middle of City Park. It ranks on my top three best days ever, and if I had to guess, probably on Laura's as well.

After talking about it one of the guys commented, "I need an epic day. I haven't had an epic day in a long time".

That got me thinking, and I realized he was right. How far and few between those absolutely incredible days are. Why don't we make time for more of them?

almost there...

You know the feeling that you're about to absolutely burst with excitement? Like your heart is so full it could possibly pop? That's how I've felt since, oh, about 11pm last night. I finished packing my bags at 2:30 this morning, and am sitting in a cozy seat waiting for my flight to Denver.

Hellooooooo mountains!

thank you for...

Where to start when there is so much... that I can walk, read, sing at the top of my crazy lungs, drive a car, sleep with warm blankets, laugh, exercise, breathe. That I can visit friends, have friends to visit, and be surrounded with people whom I love. That my Mom and Dad value family and support and long hugs. That I have a little brother who is brilliant (and who can officially now beat me up). That I have wonderful people to work with. That I can play Ultimate Frisbee and Racquetball and ski my heart out on the mountaintops. That I can praise God's beauty in all things he's created.

That I can be myself. Yep, I'm definitely thankful for that.

paddle, paddle, paddle, POP!...

I kept thinking I'd finish up writing about vacation as soon as I returned home. I was shocked to see my last post was almost a month ago. How did time slip by so quickly? I want to remember, but it already seems so long ago... I'll give it a try.

Day Four

The last day of my retreat, and it wasn't even a half day - my parents and aunt were coming at 10am. I awoke early to get things packed and was still almost late to Mass. Mel provided spiritual direction one last time, and then I waited, anxious like a little kid, to see Mom and Dad. They finally pulled up in an itty-bitty rental and we squeezed my luggage in the trunk. Throughout the trip as we drove the sometimes busy roads of San Diego, Dad would often proclaim about the rental, "Don't worry! It's fully insured - I paid for extra coverage." This seemed to give him the peace of mind to drive like a crazy person - Midwest style. Luckily most of our travels were less than 10 minutes away; another wonderful perk about the area.

Because our time was so limited in CA, we each chose one thing we really wanted to see while visiting. Dad's pick was the USS Midway. According to the museum website, The Midway was a carrier that was commissioned in 1945 and served as a flagship in Desert Storm in 1991. With a 47-year career of service to country, no other aircraft carrier has come close. This ship is H-U-G-E! Mind blowing huge. If you visit, make a stop here. The natural flow of the tour and information provided ranked this floating museum in my top three of all-time. We stayed until we were kicked out for closing time. That evening I think we watched the sunset and relaxed. I can't quite remember.

Day Five

Dad awoke early (he hadn't adjusted to the time change or the fact that he was on vacation and sleeping in is required). He watched the surfers for over an hour - the first one arriving to the water's edge at 5:45am. Umm... that's crazy early. We went to Mass, then headed to my favorite breakfast spot - OB Donuts. Their the ones with the bagel sandwiches. My family fell in love with them as well (we went back the next day too!). Today Mom and Aunt Vicky were going to check out SeaWorld, while Dad and I drank coffee, read the paper, sat on the beach, etc.

However, much to my wonderful surprise, Dad quietly said, with a twinkle in his eye, that he um, might, maybe want to try surfing. YAAAAAY! I had wanted to surf while we were here - might as well - but didn't want to go it alone. I knew if my brother was with me he'd join, but Dad had said earlier with a laugh that there was no way he'd be participating. So we excitedly dropped off the girls to see Shamu, and headed to the nearest surf rental. I think we both had huge butterflies in our stomach, but when it came time to officially sign up for gear and a lesson, we had to say yes.

The experience was incredible. My surfing skills? Not so incredible. We had an hour and a half lesson on ground, then slipped (pulled, prodded, and tugged) on our wetsuits and dipped into the water. Our instructor told us we could keep the boards until 6pm, but he doubted any of us would make it that long. Dad and I looked at each other like, "of course we will!" Our instructor was right. It was intense. The salt burned my eyeballs and the back of my throat. No matter how much I spit, the burning wouldn't leave. And the waves - they just kept coming! The water we were in was shallow enough to stand - it hit me at the chest/neck. Except when a large wave rolled in and took me with it. I just had to wait until it sat me down again. We were at Dog Beach were waves were typically 2-4 feet. This day they were 3-5 feet, with some peaking at 6ft. I got rolled over the falls twice - an experience I pray never happens again. Having no control over your body as a wave's energy rolls you around underwater until you don't know which way is up, is not my idea of a good time. I eventually learned how to prevent that from happening. I never fully mastered the "paddle, paddle, paddle, paddle, POP!" method of standing on a board. A few times I was able to stand crouched, hoping not to fall over, but most were short-lived. Dad did a nice job of picking up the skill, and he was able to ride in a few for a short time. Another hour and a half later we were beat down, winded, and tired! Dad had a smile on his face like I hadn't seen in awhile. "We surfed the Pacific Ocean," his eyes seemed to shine.

We sure did Dad. I'll be crossing it off my bucket list.

The rest is to be continued. We had our All-Manager meeting followed by the Holiday Party last night. I'm pooped and my eyelids are drooping. Time to call it a night. So good night!