kalamata...

Hi. I'm behind on posts. Or ahead on photos or something. Either way, there is a lot to tell/show, so I'm attempting to do so quickly. A few things to note. I love food - cooking it/creating it/ tasting it/making yumminess. I really like trying new recipes that seem to have the flavor profiles that never let me down. So prepare yourself for lots of food photos. Renee and I are cooking up a storm this summer. Hold onto your seats. Also, I don't know if anyone really wants recipes so I'll spare you, but if you do, give me a shout and I'll post.

First of all - the Overland Park Greek Festival. Again, food. But not anything I prepared. There were also dancing groups of all ages, and lots of shouts of "Opa!" It's a can't miss event. Come Denver or KC, at the Greek Fest I shall be.

serenity...

By mistake I started a personal project. It's called carry my camera with me (almost) everywhere I go, and when the spirit moves, take photos. It started with the drive through Abilene to Justin's farm. The puffy clouds and vivid green wheat - I couldn't pass it by. I had too many times before, and missed the privilege to share the breathtaking scenes. It continued with the journey to Western Kansas. The thick rain clouds, the setting sun, the old windmill. I had to stop. Pulled over on the country road, breathed in the wonderful country air, and felt simply surrounded by peace. No noise. No distractions. Just quiet, simple peace.

Yesterday it happened again. On the way back from Lawrence, before stopping for fuel in DeSoto. The gas station was to the left. And for unknown reasons I went right. The curve in the road took me past old buildings and rumbling semi-trucks to a barb wire fence and a blocked of entrance with a 'DANGER - Do Not Enter' warning. There were also purple flowers (uh, weeds). In the ditch and on the edges of the road. And there goes the camera. Click clickety click. A strange peace again. I'd like to think of it as God's way of saying slow down - look around at all this beauty that I've created. It's here for you to enjoy. Just make sure you take time to do so.

And I thought I could do a small part by passing on the beauty via a blog post. Not much maybe, but a little something to share.

when the lights go out...

Ah, the last couple months have been filled with such great stuff. I feel guilty for not sharing more often. There's so much more, but I was going through photos tonight and wanted to quickly share. So, in order of occurrence, not importance... 1) Mom celebrated a beautiful birthday last week and Dad took us all out to the Kirby House in Abilene for dinner. It was so yummy... salmon and dill something or other with mashed potatoes for me. Wow. We left as the sun was lighting up the bright orange sky. 2) Amber, her sister, Tiffany, and I secretly whipped up homemade ice cream while my Brother and Dad distracted Mom in the living room with really boring stories. They actually didn't have to try very hard though, because the one margarita Mom had at dinner had her dozing off like a little bambino. We woke her up with 25 burning candles. Possibly excessive, but she blew them all out! 3) The sun set as I left a friend's farm Sunday evening. It was too beautiful to let the moment pass by. Sometimes you just have to stop the car and breathe it all in.

Quick disclaimer I put on the photo blog as well - I'm not editing photos before posting (I haven't been for awhile, but wanted to make it official). You're just getting the real me, and the real shots. Plus it challenges me to be a better photographer in camera, instead of in editing. Don't judge me. Okay, that's all.

we'll leave the light on...

Wowzers. It's my last night in St. Louis. Many, many days and nights have been spent here in the past two years. It's strange to be in the middle of the last hoorah. We had dinner on The Hill tonight, with all the fixin's. The Area Manager drove us all around his stomping ground when he was a kid. Loved it.

One more flight, and the travels are done. One more hotel room and the overnights are... over.

I'm trying to soak up every last minute, wondering if I'll miss it when it's gone.

liberation...

It's a story I've wanted to tell for a long, long time. It's one I've held back, struggled with, and kept stuffed away. And I feel it's unfair, that this thing - this burden, this weight, this heavy gauze - has been impacting me for so long, and I haven't felt the comfort or safety to share it in an honest way. I feel it's unfair because I haven't been completely real, and to me authenticity is a vital part of our individuality that's necessary to share with others.

Two years ago I moved to Kansas City. I know I was called there. I knew right away. Even though the decision didn't make much sense, I just knew. My heart was at peace. I moved for my job. I moved for a promotion. And I moved for a challenge - personally and professionally. I had no idea exactly what that challenge would look like, but it didn't take long to find out. My job stretched and tested me in ways I could have never imagined. To sum it up without a lot of, 'this is what I do for a living' jibberish, let's just say the film Up in the Air hit waaay too close to home. And it was a beautiful wake-up call to the change that was kicking, screaming, and begging to be known.

I'm thankful for the opportunities I've had with a company that's a passion-brand, trendsetter, and industry leader. I'm incredibly appreciative of the people who make the whole thing go 'round. I've met so many wonderful people there, and I'm absolutely most thankful for them. So many passionate people working insanely hard for a company that demands excellence. I'm proud to have been a part of that. It was an adventure in and of itself.

That being said, it's also a relief to finally walk away. I want to apologize to everyone. I want to shout out from the mountaintops, "I'M SOOOORRY" to all my friends, family, co-workers and even acquaintances I haven't had the chance to turn into friends - I haven't been myself for the last two years. For those who have met me within that time frame, you haven't met all of me. There's a lot more here, and it's been trapped in a heavy, thick gauze that kept parts of me hidden and foggy and tired. So, so tired. And finally I'm walking away.

I.

Feel.

So.

Free.

As if with every step another layer of gauze loosens, the plaster cracks, my eyes shine. I feel like my smile is bigger. Like it truly stretches further than it has in a long, long time.

I.

Just feel.

So free.

So to all of you - any of you who have encountered me, opened up to me, befriended me in the last couple of years - thank you for accepting me in my bruised puppy-dog state of mind. Thank you to my roommates who have tolerated very frequent travel absences, to my close friends for enduring ongoing mental processing (over and over again), and most graciously, thank you Mom and Dad - your support always means the most and having it has been crazy-valuable during these turbulent times. Thank you for believing in me and encouraging me through my darkest nights.

I can't wait to show you all more layers. Watch out world - I don't even know what's next.

it was an itsy-bitsy teeny-weeney...

Crap-o. I was so proud of myself today after work. I've been putting off quite a few errands, and today, instead of going to the gym which-I-haven't-gone-to-in-forever-anyway I decided to take care of business. After stuffing my purse with a to-do notebook, now overdue library book, and a bank envelope, I headed to the shoe repair store to get a pair of heels fixed and holes punched into a belt. Then went to my favorite alterations lady to have her work on four items that needed some love. As soon as I walked in she said, "ah, another wedding?" Sheesh - she remembers me and my dresses...? Impressive. Yes, I respond - I need to get the bodice taken in; it's gaping open at the top. She shoos me into the fabric covered changing room, and I pull on the dress. Then I try to zip it. And it doesn't zip so easily. What the...? Three months ago this was falling off my body.

Oh. Not-going-to-the-gym-in-forever-anyway causes things to not fit like they used to. Awesome. So I embarrassingly walk out of the dressing room and let her know, that although I once needed the bodice altered, now I only need the straps shortened. Double awesome with a strong dose of humility.

That was all the motivation I needed to reel it in a bit with what's lovingly entering my mouth. And also to finally make plans to go to the gym - even though every fiber of my being screams to stay far, far away.

Bah.

Humbug.

sitting in a tree...

I see London.

Ahem.

I see France.

Who knew this blog would even cover underpants?

Bridget and I met on during a 4-H trip from Kansas to Washington DC. At first, I thought she was a stuck up and didn't want to talk to me (hey, she later admitted thinking the same of me). But after spending a few days as roommates in our DC accommodations, we became fast friends. I'm quite confident our fate as best friends was sealed when we realized our high school crushes were both named Brady (haha Bridge - oh the stories we could tell!). And unlike typical camp friendships, we thankfully stayed in touch throughout the next school year, and ended up going to the same college thereafter. Nine years later (um, wow!) we live in the same city and still make time for girl talk, life talk, job talk - whatever. She's pretty much my job mentor. And although neither of the Bradys worked out for a permanent gig, Bridget did find someone far surpassing all the qualities poor high school Brady could ever offer (no offense to him, of course), and will soon be getting married to a man who complements her beautifully.

So we must celebrate. A party is in order. Bridge's singleness must go out with a bang. And dorky me couldn't wait to make invitations. Something not too cheeky, tacky, pink, glittery or rhyming (bleh). Something that gets the point across - we're going to have a fabulous time together being classy, sophisticated, and tasteful. Did I say tasteful? Classy? Oops, I meant helloooooo lingerie shower. Nothing says it better than a bejeweled pair of black unmentionables on the front on the invite. Holler.


Bridget's first visit of many while I lived in Denver. Oh what fun we had at the corporate Christmas parties.

the ocean blue...

About to embark on an adventure of epic proportions. Well, epic for me anyway. Headed to Californ-i-a tomorrow. Dad's coming with me. He just decided yesterday, but I'm superdeduper glad he did. Really, really glad. He's a wonderful traveling companion. Coffee and newspaper in the morning. Nap in the afternoon. Explore. Then kick it in the evening. My kind of vacation.

There's more to tell, but for now - packing. Did I say pack? I meant panic. Panic! So much to do, so little time. Must get going.

The photograph is a tribute to our 2008 trip to California when Mom, Dad, Aunt Vicky and I experienced one of the greatest vacations of all time. The picture makes me want to melt away to la-la dreamland - probably one of my favorite clicks, for whatever reason. Just, dreamy.

if we took a holliday...

Back from St. Louis. Voicemails are cleared out. Highlighted emails have been selected and viewed briefly. Most texts have yet to be answered (though nothing unusual there, as some friends might attest...). I feel like I've been gone for weeks - and could sleep for the same.

Although the two-days were busy with work stuff, Tuesday evening, thanks to some great, "I know a guy" situations, our team enjoyed almost six hours of everything Cardinals. On the field for batting practice, special beverage drinking room, wearing a World Series champ ring, and eating enough ballpark food to make us all feel a little sick. Or was that due to the Astros kicking the Cards hineys in the last three innings? Ahem, that definitely didn't help. It was a beautiful night though, especially since we were all anticipating downpours throughout the day. Not a cloud in sight until a dark ominous poof rolled in at dusk. It passed by without a drizzle or drop.

Nothing screams summer like baseball and cold beer. I'll take more please.

forget it...

Nevermind my last post. I'm not getting any better at avoiding my space cadet ways. Left my cell phone in the car at the airport parking lot. Doh! Now I'm in St. Louis and my phone is in KC. This has been a pain in the hiney.

(And actually - secretly - it's been wonderful. I missed being able to talk with Mom in the morning, and there are a few friends I wanted to call tonight, but besides those important people, not having a phone today made me a better person. I wasn't able to chronically check emails - it's a sickness to which I've found no cure, I didn't have to glance at it every five seconds to see if anyone had called or text, and I didn't even have the ability to keep track of time, because my phone is my wristwatch. So pretty much, I just enjoyed life today, free of the neck cramping device that I loathe yet barely live without. It was such a relief to enjoy the Cardinals game - minus them losing - without wondering every other moment if an email had arrived or how many voicemail messages I'd need to return tomorrow morning. In reality I really do love me some simple life. But seriously, keep this on the downlow. I'm trying to act like this no phone thing is miserable, but maybe it really isn't so bad afterall.)

sodium intake...

I often find myself doing really dumb things. Asking obvious questions, totally spacing important tasks, or just doing things an awkward way. I don't think of myself as ditzy or spacey though. Maybe I'm in denial. I guess I'd have to take a poll of close family and friends to be sure. Wednesday night for example. Friends in from Denvervisiting and I'm pumped. I was going to meet them at my house, prepare dinner, then hit the road to make an early morning work event in Wichita. The wonderful Renee, my roommate and other house chef, finally got me over my fear of gas grills (seriously, I still have dreams about the gas igniting and my hair combusting into flames when lighting the thing) so I've been very into grilling lately. Plus, it just tastes waaaay better than most cooking methods. I've also been into using buffalo for burgers. Not much of a red meat eater anyway, buffalo has the great perks of being extra lean and not treated with growth hormones, so it's a win-win for me. The side dishes were Caesar salad and sweet potato fries.

My wonderful momma (Happy Mother's Day Mom!) taught me to boil potatoes first so they soak up with more water than oil, so I brought a big pot to boil and got the potatoes to work. The meal was good. Overcooked the burgers a little (blasted - I hate doing that!) but they were definitely still edible. And the fries. Umm. Wow, yeah. Making those again.

So, our household is on a small, not-quite-everyday mission to reduce our waste, compost, recycle, etc. And during the clean up of yummy dinner, I wondered what I could do with a big pot of potato water, full of nutrients from the sweet potato runoff. I was convinced, and told my guests as well, that I'd heard somewhere the water is really good for plants because of the added nutrients, and your houseplants really benefit from it. Well, I love me some house plants (much to another roommate's dismay) and the few I have were in need of TLC anyway. So in goes the nutrient rich water. Ah, the plants will be so happy. And then seconds after I pour in the last drop, I remember all the salt I originally poured into water to help flavor the potatoes. Uh... pretty sure salt kills plants.

Good job to me. Bravo. Brilliant. Helloooo. Where did my brain go?



In not-so-ditzy news I had a awesome weekend. Laura and Hilary's visit was wonderful, and they toured KC like nobody's business. Friday night was spent at the Boulevard Drive In with Iron Man 2. Beautiful evening, good movie. Felt like I was back in time. Oh, and Doritos and Oreo junk food fest. Yum yum yum. Ultimate Frisbee Saturday morning (we won!), Oklahoma Joe's for lunch at the original and, just decided yesterday, my favorite BBQ in KC. As a night cap we dusted off our boots for much needed dancing at D&D to celebrate Renee's birthday.





Aaaaand, I was able to sleep in this morning. Ah. Rest. How I enjoy thee.

I'll be working on my space cadetness, and keep you posted on the life of the plants. So far they're hanging tight.

nothin' but blue skies...

Wheelie bags and three ounce containers. Flight itineraries and security checks. Belts off then belts on. Terminal to your left. Seat on your right. Window or aisle? We've reached 10,000 feet. You may now power on your electronic devices. Cell phones in airplane mode. Peanuts? Beverage? We've begun our descent. Please power off anything with an on/off switch. Welcome to (fill-in-the-blank). Thank you for flying with us. Car rentals on your right. Baggage claim to your left.

I travel a lot. Too much maybe. Often by air, almost as often by car. Airports make my head spin. The check-in process is down to a science and Southwest makes it about as easy as it can get (love them), but each flight sucks the every ounce of energy straight out of my body. Zap. Poof. Gone. Insert dark undereyes, dehydration, exhaustion.

Which is why I'm so thankful for the times I'm able to get away from it all. Escape the world of movers and shakers and instead just be. This weekend was one of those. After a late evening arrival to KC from St. Louis, I continued the trek west to Central Kansas to spend quality time with friends. It was wonderful. Their little girl is growing up so fast (holy cow she's walking!) and they've put a lot of work into their home - it's always fun to come back and see the changes. We played a lot, cooked a lot, and even took naps in the backyard (it does not get better than snoozing on a blanket in the sunshine). An evening barbecue was quite the treat - so many kids running around and babies napping and laughing and playing.



On the way home I stopped to visit Justin and Amber on the farm. They won't be there much longer (buying a house in town - yay for them!) but I just love the drive out there. Today was no exception. Perfect clouds. Perfect temperature. Sunroof down, windows down - soaking in every minute. I didn't want to leave. Tomorrow is another day on the road. Another morning beginning hours before the crack of dawn. Weekends like this one are my refuge and my happy place. I can't wait for another.

you scream...

I am never allowed to buy Edy's Girl Scouts Thin Mint chocolate ice cream again. Never ever. Ever. Ever. It is definitely not making me thin. It's making me sick. Thank the high heavens it's being sold for a limited time only. Open mouth, insert spoon. Repeat indefinitely.

Blasted. Swimsuit season, here we come.

time trials...

Today was fulfilling. Peaceful. Rewarding.

Some work buddies and I participated in the Trolley Run this morning. Had breakfast after, and coffee. Delicious coffee. Then spent most of the afternoon editing photos and working up a DVD presentation. Good day for it, as the clouds were heavy with rain and the sun was afraid to shine. I could watch the great outdoors all from the comfort of the dining room window.

This week is going to be long, but the weekend sure was nice.

Even went to the RiverMarket farmer's market. Bought a carton of crazy-good strawberries. I had forgotten how real strawberries taste. Oh, that's right. Like pure awesomeness.

i am woman...

Today was a big day. Last night I purchased an external hard drive for little Mac so he could have more space (yes, I've used that as a break-up line too). This morning I formatted the new hard drive and felt like a bad ass. Yep, I did. Bad. Ass. And with only one call to my tech hotline in the process (aka either Doll or my brother... this time Doll) I felt like I'd accomplished something from complete scratch. Something I, twenty-four hours ago, knew nothing about.

Rwar.

And tonight I had an engagement session with the cutest, sweetest couple. Ah, they were so wonderful and took beautifully fierce shots. Can't wait to dig into those this weekend. It's like candy to me, sorting through all the photographs and selecting the best. And now that the photo files have a new home on Happy Place (I named my external hd, okay? It's weird, I know, but it means the world to me as I could not operate with it...) And, just for fun, attached is a photo from the shoot. I don't usually cross my personal blog with my photography blog, but eh, what the heck.

I just can't help myself.

Nighty night.

so lost without you...

My precious little MacBook is plum full and has no room for even an itty bitty file on it's hard drive. Which is incredibly sad to begin with, but even worse that the photos on the Nikon have to sit patiently on a memory card until I purchase some external hard drive space. Sniffle. Seriously. I'm uploading from that thing about every other day, now it all comes to a screeching halt.

There are worse things in life, absolutely. And I'll survive. I sure hope the Seagate external drive I have in mind goes on sale soon. Until then, blog is pictureless.

Did have a fabulous weekend though - parents came to visit, stayed in Manhattan Friday night, then worked our way up through Topeka and my cousin's volleyball tournament, to Kansas City. Where we shopped a little too much, took naps and read at Loose Park, then went neighborhood cruising around Brookside at all the beautiful homes I would someday like to own. Someday. Like in ten years.

don't give me no pop...

You could say I'm quite obsessed about all things food - eating it, figuring out how it was made, consuming responsibly raised meats, and trying recipes beyond ground beef and casseroles. Before tasting something I've made my roommate typically points, wrinkles her nose, and says, "What is that? The things you make are just... weird." Thank you, I'll take that as a compliment. That's why I was ecstatic (seriously, like a little kid on a field trip) our work group recently spent a beautiful morning at Shatto Dairy - a family owned farm just north of KC where the cows happily munch grass in green pasture and are not injected with the growth hormone rBGH

You might have noticed the Shatto milk brand on the shelves of Hy-Vees and specialty grocers in the Kansas City area. Their brand is cute and clever and the milk is packaged in beautiful glass bottles with quirky words that make me smile. If I wasn't a fan already, (I was, but my nearest grocery store doesn't carry it - darn them!) after touring the dairy I was hooked. The family operation is incredibly transparent. The tour began in the milking area, which milks twelve cows at a time (I think... forgive me if some of my logistics are off; I was going a little crazy with the camera at this point). They start at 3am (no thank you!) and shuffle over 150 cows through in record time. Next we had the opportunity for everyone to milk a heifer. It took me a few tries before having much success. And although it wasn't exactly as I thought it might be, I could see someone getting the hang of it pretty quickly with a few practices.

After petting baby calves and enjoying the patio out front via porch swing, the tour continued through the rest of the facility. My favorite part, of course, the cheese cave. The room is set up - temperature, humidity, mustiness - to perfectly mimic a cave. Apparently this is the best environment for cheese to hang out in and get more delicious by the minute. If you haven't tried Shatto cheese, um, get your booty to the grocery store. Pronto - go! It's delicious. And it supports a local farmer.
The last leg of the tour was taste sampling. We tried Rootbeer Milk (awesome, awesome, awesome) and Chocolate Milk (even better) and vanilla ice cream. It doesn't get much fresher than that.

Our tour guide was actually with farmer who started it all (Leroy, I think...?). He is a laid back, hilarious, and completely down to earth guy who, quite frankly, is humbly dumbfounded at the huge success his dairy has had. If you look around it's easy to see why it works so well - he has a wonderful, delicious product and he does things the right way. Leroy isn't looking for shortcuts; he just wants the best product his cows can provide to land in the hands of the all-consuming public, as soon as it possibly can. And he works his butt off to do so. No wonder the Shatto craze is catching on.

If you're looking for something out of the ordinary to do over a spring or summer weekend, set up an appointment with the dairy and spend an afternoon at Shatto! Pack a camera and pack a lunch, then be prepared to enjoy life in the slow lane for a few hours. Heck, even the drive out there had me forgetting all my work-filled woes. And don't come back until you've reached homemade ice cream nirvana. Ah, food bliss.

thank you sir, may i have another...

Before thinking I've gone more than nuts for posting a photo of a miniature Beanie Baby penguin named Zero, I shall explain.

I'm detoxing my life, my closets, my cubbies. All this stuff - crammed in boxes, shoved into corners, stacked on shelf upon shelf, in every nook and crannie of my existence. I'm over it. Done-do over. Over the clutter. Over the dust collectors. Over the distractions.

This weekend was the first installment of uncluttering my life. I went through piles, threw out things until it hurt a little, and even resorted to the, "hey, take a picture of it so you'll keep the memory and not the stuff". So, therefore, my friend Zero, who has lived in a shoebox for over a year, had his picture snapped and waved goodbye (can't you tell he's signing off?). Hopefully he'll soon have a home with someone who loves him dearly. I love who gave it to me - Dad, a couple of years ago for Christmas (because I had a very weird obsession with penguins awhile back... it's not my fault, SeaWorld made me) - but I don't love having too much stuff. And I hold a special place for all things Dad gives me, because he's not typically the gift giver; that's Mom's department. So when he picks something out all on his own, it's really special, because it must have reminded him of me, and it's a reflection of how much he cares about his kids. But it doesn't equal Dad's love, and I know he won't be upset it that I'm not keeping it forever.

The continuous process of uncluttering my life now consists of analyzing every purchase, maybe to the point of annoying myself a bit. Do I NEED this? Do I really, really NEED this really cute, difficult to find, perfect beautiful THING to set on my beautiful, perfect and expensive SHELF, because that SHELF needs more THINGS to set on it. Do I really NEED it? Really? OR...

Will it sit there collecting beautiful, perfect dust? Most of the time it IS a dust collector, and I don't need it. I just really wanted it. So it's stays on the shelf in the store. And I can admire it every time I return without spending a hot-diggity dime.

Don't get me started on shoe consumption... I have a minimizer plan on those as well. But I'll save it for another time. And yes, I'm a girl, and I love shoes too. Perhaps I just don't need as many...

exhale...

Some days are hard, but then again, some days can't get much better. Like this whole weekend. Sunshine, bird-chirping, sandal wearing bliss.

Deep breath in. Aaaahh.

And I cleaned out closets. And drawers. And basements. Triple aaahhh.

someday...

Tonight is a lonely night. Thoughts spin around my head until I feel dizzy and disoriented. And although it's quiet in my room, even throughout the house, my mind reverberates with loud, clanging and unconnected pieces and parts. I want to sleep but haven't been sleeping well. Last night I dreamt I was in an airplane when the engine stalled and we began free falling. I started praying, preparing to die. Everyone around me was doing the same. At the last moment the engine caught and we swooped upward, seconds from crashing into the city below. Immediately after realizing we were going to be okay, I swore off flying forever. I felt better after that, peaceful almost. Like I had some sort of control in this crazy life - I never had to get on an airplane again.

Maybe I'm homesick. Above is a photo of my Dad taken Easter weekend. It's his playful sad face. I think it's his basset hound face... imitating our beloved puppy, Missy. Or maybe it's because he couldn't find enough hidden eggs for his Easter basket. I loved being back, loved spending time with the family cooking, playing, storytelling. Just being. I wish they lived closer, so we could just be more often. I hope they know how much I love them. How can you ever show someone enough?