someone has a case of the...

Monday's aren't supposed to be this good. Lucky for me, sometimes they aren't half bad. Here's how it went:

1) Polished and flossed my first 'real' adult patient today (many friends and family of the dentistry team had to be my pretend patients). It went pretty smoothly. Other than me sweating up a storm under those scrubs and the hot light. And putting my mask on inside out. I was nervous!

2) Very, very cautiously I sat in my car after work. It was hot in there - stifling. The sun had been blasting it all day long. I held my breath. If I inhaled, I would have to endure the rank, sour milk still roasting in my car mat. The only problem - at some point during the five mile drive home, I had to breathe. Oh boy. It started as a slight sniff. Quick, shallow. Just enough to keep from passing out. Hmmm... it seems... all clear? A deeper sniffle. Again, nothing. Not a whif. It can't be! The newspaper trick worked. Mom told me to crumple up newsprint and place it on the spill. I left it overnight. And wah-lah! It works people. I'm telling you, the newspaper works. I hope you never spill milk in your car - never, ever, ever - but if you do, remember the newspaper trick. Mom's always know, don't they? Thanks Momma.

3) Made a milkshake for dinner.

4) Met an awesome future bride and groom tonight. They were just happy and warm and fun. And easy-going. I didn't want our conversation to end. Big dorky smile on my face when I left the coffee shop.

Happy Monday, indeed.



BONUS: Jen and I stumbled upon this lovely and vast Christmas in July yard display during our walk yesterday evening. Uhhh... 'tis the Season!

don't cry...

About a week ago I spilled milk in my car. Not much, maybe a half a cup from a travel-mug I was bringing to work for my coffee.

Oh. My. Gosh. Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh. There is the most wretched, gag-inducing stench infiltrating my poor little car!

WRETCHED!

I wish this fate upon no one.

imma be, imma be, imma imma imma be... a photographer...?

Today was the KC Wedding Extravaganza extrodinaire-thingie-boppie-dealio at the Overland Park Convention Center. It was fun - lots of excited brides (and not quite as excited but tolerating grooms-to-be), well-designed booths, beautiful gowns and flowers and photographs. I was helping out at Erica's booth for The Flower Girl promotion. Our booth smelled the best, hands down (because Erica is amazing... she is, and I know I'm biased, but she still is. She's talented, folks, and she's going places. I know it). And just when I thought I really didn't care for roses... I get introduced to the Garden Rose variety. Aahhh. So yummy.

During the expo I ran into an acquaintance friend of mine and she asked if I was with a photography company, or just shooting on my own. And after telling her what I told her, I just wanted to kick myself. Right in the shin. That's sort of difficult to do, but if I say something like it again, I'm going to try. Or maybe have someone else kick me instead. Bah!

I've noticed each time someone asks about me pursuing photography as a career, I totally downplay it. "Oh, you know, I'm just doing it on the side for now. Nothing too crazy. We'll see what happens. Maybe eventually it will take off but I'm just seeing where it goes."

That's such bologna bull-hockey. Such a cop out. It's me totally not expressing what I truly want and how I really feel because I'm afraid someone will doubt me. Or judge me and my dreams. And I'm scared to death I'll see the thought, "yeah, you and hundreds of others I know trying to turn a hobby into a paycheck... gooood luck with that one," flash across their face. I don't have the guts to say yes - I know that sounds crazy, but that's okay. Because I am determined. I'm doing things differently. I'm approaching it slowly and confidently, and I'm going to do it better. I'm not going to get stuck in mediocrity, and I'm going to keep pushing myself... way beyond my comfort zone, beyond the naysayers, beyond the expectations. Yes, I really want to say all that. Or at least convey that confidence (no one really wants to hear all that chatter, I know). But I'm a big stinkin' chicken. And dilly-dally around my words and fret and wring my hands instead.

I believe God gives each of us talents, strengths, and gifts in some crazy combination that no one else has. I want to use what I've been given to the very best of my ability. And even though I'm not sure what all that will involve that's my true desire, and I know it's going to be quite a ride. So when I say I'm sorta-kinda working on this photography thing and hoping it will maybe, eventually, someday work out, what I really mean is - I am more than thrilled at the opportunity to pursue this dream - I'm incredibly grateful for this point in my life, and I can't wait to discover God's plan for my journey. Not in a kinda-sorta way, but all the way. And if photography doesn't end up being part of the plan - I'll know, because I'll have given it my best shot and have nothing left to give. And if that's the case, it will just fine with me.

Whatever it is I'll do it with white teeth - because working at a dental office while I'm kinda, sorta, doing this photography thing on the side sure has its perks.

i'm sorry, you have reached a number that has been...

I left my phone at home today and I missed it a little... wondering what planning for the weekend texts I'd be missing, and who had called throughout the day. I raced home through rush-hour traffic (thankfully full of green lights this go 'round - yay!) and ran upstairs to the little black flip-phone sitting on a lonely corner of my desk. Quickly flicked it open to see what I'd missed.

Then ate some humble soup for dinner.

Which brings me to the second wonderful thing that's happened since the job change. My phone doesn't ring. Well, not often anyway. Compared to the 30+ daily that used to be the norm. Back when my head wanted to fall off my neck in order to stop the insanity. Can anyone say sigh of relief? I can - ten times fast. Now, when it does ring, it's always a friend. Or my Momma saying hello. Or Dad calling with a funny story. And it's so weird. Like a mini-birthday gift each time the ringer sounds. No more flinching or cringing. No more crammed full voicemail inboxes. Just real, happy conversations with friends and family.

Aaaaand. One more thing. This phone only needs charged once every three days. Compared to evil Blackberry who required - no I am not kidding - three charges per day. Ah, the bliss of it all.

Okay, now back to my humble soup.



Please ignore the stain on my dress. Ahem. It was Fourth of July. Lots of food flying around. Craziness and celebration. I don't know what happened. I don't want to talk about it. Just appreciate the Americana of it all.

smokin'...

One of the benefits of having the new (er... gently used for the past twelve years) car back my possession - it does not have a thermometer. Perfect for the sweltering, absolutely stifling 106 degree days we've had in Kansas City recently. It's so dang hot I don't even WANT to know what the temperature is. Thank you little car for sparing me the knowledge.

Swanky black Volvo tended to torture me with such information.

go shorty, it's your... uh, nevermind...

Today was exciting. After years of wondering, tippy-toes, and stretching the truth on high school sports rosters, I finally learned my real height. The kind without tennis shoes or socks, or thin flimsy flip flops. I think a part of me I didn't even know was missing was been fulfilled. All 5'3" of me, happily feels more complete.

Thank you Nurse Faith for taking me back to the scale/measuring tape thingiemajig in the hallway to solve that mystery. I'm really grateful. Really a whole lot. And thanks also for wanting me to take pictures of your puppies. You pretty much made my day all the way around.

say aaaaaaahh...

Tomorrow starts (approximately) Step #39 on the life change checklist. It's my first day on the job after four years of human resources and my first new job since college. Soon I will be flossing and polishing teeth! (I'm not sure exactly how soon "soon" really means, but I will be, soon enough - volunteers welcome.) After talking to people about my new gig, many of them look at me and cock their head to the side as if asking, "uhh... say that again - you're doing... wha?"

I'm really thrilled at the opportunity of working with a friend in an office that is uplifting, busy, and very patient-oriented. The window view doesn't hurt either. ...Or the fact that I get to wear scrubs everyday. I'm thrilled at the opportunity to learn new things (so far here's what I've got: you have - typically - 32 teeth in your mouth. They are numbered starting with #1 at your top right molar and working around your mouth counter-clockwise to your bottom left molar, #32. I'm excited to be challenged and stretched with something totally foreign to me. About the only thing I know about teeth is they should be brushed twice a day and flossed daily. Don't tell my dentist - sometimes (often) I floss instead of brushing at night. A friend guessed it's because it's rewarding to me - to see the gunk squashed between teeth all day finally set free. She's probably right. I'm weird like that.

And so, new adventures await. Molars, incisors, gums, and cavities beware. I've got a whole lot of learning to do.

i've got sunshine...

Back in the day. Waaaaay back - think Eighth-Grade-twelve-years-ago-ack!-back - my Dad (and Mom) took a great big leap of faith. Dad was working at the gas company. To my youthful understanding, his job consisted of recording meter readings, fixing things that broke, and occasionally going on calls out of town to fix other things that broke. Now, Dad is insanely amazing at fixing broken things, but working there didn't bring him fulfillment. He was dissatisfied, longing, missing something. He and Mom prayed. And prayed and prayed. And eventually made the decision to leave his job, go back to school, and eventually start his own business in heating and air-conditioning. I can't tell this story without mentioning how truly incredible of a feat this was on my parents' end. Picture this: Mom, working at the hospital as an administrative assistant (equals great benefits, not-so-great pay), Dad, now out of work and paying for tuition. He temporarily moves to a different small town in Western Kansas and lives in the dorms on campus. Yep. Living in the dorms at age 39, Dad moved in with a 20-something roommate and began his college life. This also means our family now had a more measly income than it did before. And we seemed to manage okay. I don't remember being traumatized over much (okay, maybe I threw a few fits about not getting to have numerous pairs of jeans from the Buckle or being forced to buy my own Dr. Martens, but other than that... - I mean come ON Mom! I'm going to be in high school next year and in order to have any chance of being socially accepted because of super-artificial qualities like brand name clothing, expensive jeans and shoes are my only hope - DUH!). I actually was traumatized by one thing. Turkey. Momma made too much turkey for Thanksgiving (gobs of way too much turkey) that year and she loaded up ours and Dad's freezer full of turkey surprise leftover meals. We had turkey noodle soup, turkey casseroles, turkey enchiladas, turkey + anything else that's in the pantry is fair game meals. You name it, just switch out the typical protein of choice with... gobble gobble. Yes, I'm scarred. I just recently started eating turkey again. Thanksgiving has never been the same.

I don't know what it was really like for Mom and Dad during this year of Dad at college. I just know it had to be hard. Crazy, challenging, difficult, lonely. Dad came home every weekend. He drove two and a half hours one way, arrived home late Friday evenings, spent time with us, then headed back Sunday night. Every single weekend. He didn't even miss a single volleyball/basketball game I played. IN EIGHTH GRADE! Have you watched eighth graders play either of those sports lately? Sorry, I had to pause from typing to stifle a yawn. We played our best, but we were hardly super-star athletes. And Dad traveled to watch every game, rain or shine. Hello, unconditional love and support. I hope one day I'm able to understand that kind of dedication and sacrifice. I'm absolutely thankful for all the sacrifices Mom and Dad made throughout that year. What a doozy. Then, almost as quickly as he began, Dad graduated - top of his class! He moved back home, and he and Mom started the new adventure of owning their own business.

I share this with you in order to help you understand, maybe a little more fully, where I'm coming from. My parents and their life are one of my greatest inspirations. Not just because of what they have accomplished in building a business - that's not even the half of it. It's because of who they are as role models, teachers, risk-takers. They have allowed me to grow and be challenged. They make time to be together, and always make time for our family. They sacrifice - their time, their energy, their plans - in order to build stronger relationships, friendships and family. They put God first. And they allow us to dream. They understand money is not the important thing. Success is not the important thing. They even recognize security, in the traditional sense, is not the most important thing. Instead, being wise with what you've been given and living a life of fulfillment - surrounded by those who support you, love you, make time to be with you - is what matters. Finding your talents and treasures and sharing them with the world is important. Being in relationship is extremely important. Life is in those things.

And that, my friend, is why, after six years with an incredible company, an amazing brand and wonderful people to work with, it's time for me to say goodbye, and follow the call - the unexplainable pull - to find a life of fulfillment - in family, relationships, work, and play.

Thank you Mom and Dad for your sacrifices and love in showing us what's important in life. I am insanely grateful for your unending support of my crazy dreams. I want to be just like you when I grow up. Ummm... if I ever grow up.

garden blend...

And now for the cucumber soup... I wanted a refreshing summertime side dish for meals, and this recipe in Real Simple looked intriguing enough to give a whirl. It blends basil (from Jana's garden - yay!) and jalapenos and onion and lime juice. Salt and pepper. Sour cream. And lots of cucumbers. Don't wrinkle your nose. It is really good! My roommate Renee says so. Cucumbery, or course with a melding of basil and lime juice followed by a deep but brief and unexpected heat from the jalapenos.

flippity...

Time for another quick update. Yesterday was a cook-a-thon for Renee and I. I had a few recipes I'd been wanting to try, and she wanted to master crepes. So away we went. The kitchen was crazy chaos for awhile, but eating crepes for breakfast and lunch made it worth it. Side note - next goal is to document everything with the same directional layout. Not loving this horizontal/vertical combo thing going on. Oopsies.

kalamata...

Hi. I'm behind on posts. Or ahead on photos or something. Either way, there is a lot to tell/show, so I'm attempting to do so quickly. A few things to note. I love food - cooking it/creating it/ tasting it/making yumminess. I really like trying new recipes that seem to have the flavor profiles that never let me down. So prepare yourself for lots of food photos. Renee and I are cooking up a storm this summer. Hold onto your seats. Also, I don't know if anyone really wants recipes so I'll spare you, but if you do, give me a shout and I'll post.

First of all - the Overland Park Greek Festival. Again, food. But not anything I prepared. There were also dancing groups of all ages, and lots of shouts of "Opa!" It's a can't miss event. Come Denver or KC, at the Greek Fest I shall be.

serenity...

By mistake I started a personal project. It's called carry my camera with me (almost) everywhere I go, and when the spirit moves, take photos. It started with the drive through Abilene to Justin's farm. The puffy clouds and vivid green wheat - I couldn't pass it by. I had too many times before, and missed the privilege to share the breathtaking scenes. It continued with the journey to Western Kansas. The thick rain clouds, the setting sun, the old windmill. I had to stop. Pulled over on the country road, breathed in the wonderful country air, and felt simply surrounded by peace. No noise. No distractions. Just quiet, simple peace.

Yesterday it happened again. On the way back from Lawrence, before stopping for fuel in DeSoto. The gas station was to the left. And for unknown reasons I went right. The curve in the road took me past old buildings and rumbling semi-trucks to a barb wire fence and a blocked of entrance with a 'DANGER - Do Not Enter' warning. There were also purple flowers (uh, weeds). In the ditch and on the edges of the road. And there goes the camera. Click clickety click. A strange peace again. I'd like to think of it as God's way of saying slow down - look around at all this beauty that I've created. It's here for you to enjoy. Just make sure you take time to do so.

And I thought I could do a small part by passing on the beauty via a blog post. Not much maybe, but a little something to share.

when the lights go out...

Ah, the last couple months have been filled with such great stuff. I feel guilty for not sharing more often. There's so much more, but I was going through photos tonight and wanted to quickly share. So, in order of occurrence, not importance... 1) Mom celebrated a beautiful birthday last week and Dad took us all out to the Kirby House in Abilene for dinner. It was so yummy... salmon and dill something or other with mashed potatoes for me. Wow. We left as the sun was lighting up the bright orange sky. 2) Amber, her sister, Tiffany, and I secretly whipped up homemade ice cream while my Brother and Dad distracted Mom in the living room with really boring stories. They actually didn't have to try very hard though, because the one margarita Mom had at dinner had her dozing off like a little bambino. We woke her up with 25 burning candles. Possibly excessive, but she blew them all out! 3) The sun set as I left a friend's farm Sunday evening. It was too beautiful to let the moment pass by. Sometimes you just have to stop the car and breathe it all in.

Quick disclaimer I put on the photo blog as well - I'm not editing photos before posting (I haven't been for awhile, but wanted to make it official). You're just getting the real me, and the real shots. Plus it challenges me to be a better photographer in camera, instead of in editing. Don't judge me. Okay, that's all.

we'll leave the light on...

Wowzers. It's my last night in St. Louis. Many, many days and nights have been spent here in the past two years. It's strange to be in the middle of the last hoorah. We had dinner on The Hill tonight, with all the fixin's. The Area Manager drove us all around his stomping ground when he was a kid. Loved it.

One more flight, and the travels are done. One more hotel room and the overnights are... over.

I'm trying to soak up every last minute, wondering if I'll miss it when it's gone.

liberation...

It's a story I've wanted to tell for a long, long time. It's one I've held back, struggled with, and kept stuffed away. And I feel it's unfair, that this thing - this burden, this weight, this heavy gauze - has been impacting me for so long, and I haven't felt the comfort or safety to share it in an honest way. I feel it's unfair because I haven't been completely real, and to me authenticity is a vital part of our individuality that's necessary to share with others.

Two years ago I moved to Kansas City. I know I was called there. I knew right away. Even though the decision didn't make much sense, I just knew. My heart was at peace. I moved for my job. I moved for a promotion. And I moved for a challenge - personally and professionally. I had no idea exactly what that challenge would look like, but it didn't take long to find out. My job stretched and tested me in ways I could have never imagined. To sum it up without a lot of, 'this is what I do for a living' jibberish, let's just say the film Up in the Air hit waaay too close to home. And it was a beautiful wake-up call to the change that was kicking, screaming, and begging to be known.

I'm thankful for the opportunities I've had with a company that's a passion-brand, trendsetter, and industry leader. I'm incredibly appreciative of the people who make the whole thing go 'round. I've met so many wonderful people there, and I'm absolutely most thankful for them. So many passionate people working insanely hard for a company that demands excellence. I'm proud to have been a part of that. It was an adventure in and of itself.

That being said, it's also a relief to finally walk away. I want to apologize to everyone. I want to shout out from the mountaintops, "I'M SOOOORRY" to all my friends, family, co-workers and even acquaintances I haven't had the chance to turn into friends - I haven't been myself for the last two years. For those who have met me within that time frame, you haven't met all of me. There's a lot more here, and it's been trapped in a heavy, thick gauze that kept parts of me hidden and foggy and tired. So, so tired. And finally I'm walking away.

I.

Feel.

So.

Free.

As if with every step another layer of gauze loosens, the plaster cracks, my eyes shine. I feel like my smile is bigger. Like it truly stretches further than it has in a long, long time.

I.

Just feel.

So free.

So to all of you - any of you who have encountered me, opened up to me, befriended me in the last couple of years - thank you for accepting me in my bruised puppy-dog state of mind. Thank you to my roommates who have tolerated very frequent travel absences, to my close friends for enduring ongoing mental processing (over and over again), and most graciously, thank you Mom and Dad - your support always means the most and having it has been crazy-valuable during these turbulent times. Thank you for believing in me and encouraging me through my darkest nights.

I can't wait to show you all more layers. Watch out world - I don't even know what's next.

it was an itsy-bitsy teeny-weeney...

Crap-o. I was so proud of myself today after work. I've been putting off quite a few errands, and today, instead of going to the gym which-I-haven't-gone-to-in-forever-anyway I decided to take care of business. After stuffing my purse with a to-do notebook, now overdue library book, and a bank envelope, I headed to the shoe repair store to get a pair of heels fixed and holes punched into a belt. Then went to my favorite alterations lady to have her work on four items that needed some love. As soon as I walked in she said, "ah, another wedding?" Sheesh - she remembers me and my dresses...? Impressive. Yes, I respond - I need to get the bodice taken in; it's gaping open at the top. She shoos me into the fabric covered changing room, and I pull on the dress. Then I try to zip it. And it doesn't zip so easily. What the...? Three months ago this was falling off my body.

Oh. Not-going-to-the-gym-in-forever-anyway causes things to not fit like they used to. Awesome. So I embarrassingly walk out of the dressing room and let her know, that although I once needed the bodice altered, now I only need the straps shortened. Double awesome with a strong dose of humility.

That was all the motivation I needed to reel it in a bit with what's lovingly entering my mouth. And also to finally make plans to go to the gym - even though every fiber of my being screams to stay far, far away.

Bah.

Humbug.

sitting in a tree...

I see London.

Ahem.

I see France.

Who knew this blog would even cover underpants?

Bridget and I met on during a 4-H trip from Kansas to Washington DC. At first, I thought she was a stuck up and didn't want to talk to me (hey, she later admitted thinking the same of me). But after spending a few days as roommates in our DC accommodations, we became fast friends. I'm quite confident our fate as best friends was sealed when we realized our high school crushes were both named Brady (haha Bridge - oh the stories we could tell!). And unlike typical camp friendships, we thankfully stayed in touch throughout the next school year, and ended up going to the same college thereafter. Nine years later (um, wow!) we live in the same city and still make time for girl talk, life talk, job talk - whatever. She's pretty much my job mentor. And although neither of the Bradys worked out for a permanent gig, Bridget did find someone far surpassing all the qualities poor high school Brady could ever offer (no offense to him, of course), and will soon be getting married to a man who complements her beautifully.

So we must celebrate. A party is in order. Bridge's singleness must go out with a bang. And dorky me couldn't wait to make invitations. Something not too cheeky, tacky, pink, glittery or rhyming (bleh). Something that gets the point across - we're going to have a fabulous time together being classy, sophisticated, and tasteful. Did I say tasteful? Classy? Oops, I meant helloooooo lingerie shower. Nothing says it better than a bejeweled pair of black unmentionables on the front on the invite. Holler.


Bridget's first visit of many while I lived in Denver. Oh what fun we had at the corporate Christmas parties.

the ocean blue...

About to embark on an adventure of epic proportions. Well, epic for me anyway. Headed to Californ-i-a tomorrow. Dad's coming with me. He just decided yesterday, but I'm superdeduper glad he did. Really, really glad. He's a wonderful traveling companion. Coffee and newspaper in the morning. Nap in the afternoon. Explore. Then kick it in the evening. My kind of vacation.

There's more to tell, but for now - packing. Did I say pack? I meant panic. Panic! So much to do, so little time. Must get going.

The photograph is a tribute to our 2008 trip to California when Mom, Dad, Aunt Vicky and I experienced one of the greatest vacations of all time. The picture makes me want to melt away to la-la dreamland - probably one of my favorite clicks, for whatever reason. Just, dreamy.

if we took a holliday...

Back from St. Louis. Voicemails are cleared out. Highlighted emails have been selected and viewed briefly. Most texts have yet to be answered (though nothing unusual there, as some friends might attest...). I feel like I've been gone for weeks - and could sleep for the same.

Although the two-days were busy with work stuff, Tuesday evening, thanks to some great, "I know a guy" situations, our team enjoyed almost six hours of everything Cardinals. On the field for batting practice, special beverage drinking room, wearing a World Series champ ring, and eating enough ballpark food to make us all feel a little sick. Or was that due to the Astros kicking the Cards hineys in the last three innings? Ahem, that definitely didn't help. It was a beautiful night though, especially since we were all anticipating downpours throughout the day. Not a cloud in sight until a dark ominous poof rolled in at dusk. It passed by without a drizzle or drop.

Nothing screams summer like baseball and cold beer. I'll take more please.

forget it...

Nevermind my last post. I'm not getting any better at avoiding my space cadet ways. Left my cell phone in the car at the airport parking lot. Doh! Now I'm in St. Louis and my phone is in KC. This has been a pain in the hiney.

(And actually - secretly - it's been wonderful. I missed being able to talk with Mom in the morning, and there are a few friends I wanted to call tonight, but besides those important people, not having a phone today made me a better person. I wasn't able to chronically check emails - it's a sickness to which I've found no cure, I didn't have to glance at it every five seconds to see if anyone had called or text, and I didn't even have the ability to keep track of time, because my phone is my wristwatch. So pretty much, I just enjoyed life today, free of the neck cramping device that I loathe yet barely live without. It was such a relief to enjoy the Cardinals game - minus them losing - without wondering every other moment if an email had arrived or how many voicemail messages I'd need to return tomorrow morning. In reality I really do love me some simple life. But seriously, keep this on the downlow. I'm trying to act like this no phone thing is miserable, but maybe it really isn't so bad afterall.)