does it have sugar in it?...

I had a hankering to make pancakes late this evening. I wasn't even hungry, but I hadn't eaten dinner, and that bottle of Aunt Jemima syrup had been calling my name from the cabinet since I'd arrived. My dad was always the master pancake maker of the household. He know just how to whip up a great batch, a cook them perfectly - light and fluffy, with a golden rim around the edge (which was my favorite part - I would request the 'crispies'), which I now know was simply a little extra butter love.

Anyway, my quest in making delicious flap jacks proved a little difficult when I realized all too late in the game (pancake was ready to be flipped NOW) I had no real spatula. In fact, I had no even sort-of okay spatula at my disposal. All of the better utensils were waiting in the dishwasher to be cleaned from my previous cooking experiments. So I quickly decided to go with a white bowl scraper (that's the technical term - Wikipedia says so) and a fork. My pancake turned over quite efficiently. Yippee! Success! It wasn't until scooping it out of the pan that I noticed a white, filmy residue covering the bottom of the pan. What the... oh no. Oh, oopsie. I checked out the scraper. 'Not heat-resistant'. The melted side of the scraper confirmed my fears. Definitely not heat-resistant.

I used plenty-o-Aunt Jemima to cover up the uninvited flavor of spatula. I'd still give it 3.5 stars. Silicon and all.

day three...

Yesterday was another easy, beautiful day. For having a full day to fill up with things to do, I surely relaxed to the fullest extent - I didn't shower, I didn't even go for a run. And I didn't feel guilty for not doing either of those things. Doug, who I met the night before at the white bench, let me know sunrise was about 7am, so I awoke in time to witness this beautiful time of day. Typically the only time I see the sun rising is en route to somewhere in the Midwest during the wee hours for work. I prefer this to the latter very much so. I unexpectedly stayed for an hour, then returned for some loaded scrambled eggs and reading, which was followed by spiritual direction.

That afternoon I packed a lunch and headed straight to the beach - my favorite spot was directly off the pier. No swimming - surfers only. More reading, which quickly turned into a welcomed nap. For too long. I have some sweet sunburn lines (which will hopefully turn into tan lines) as witness. Wanting to see another sunset over the crashing waves, I attempted to kill some time by finding an ice cream shop I'd noticed the day before. I walked and walked, then turned around after realizing I really had no idea where I was going, or really what place I was even looking for. Eventually I spotted an ice cream cone sign above a building along the main drive and ordered a java chip waffle cone (it's always worth the $.75 for the waffle). Today I comically realized the ice cream place I was originally looking for, was in fact the same place I'd actually bought my cone, and was also a mere one block from my beach spot. Whoopsie.

The sunset that evening was completely different than day before. It was incredibly cloudy, and the colors did not bleed throughout the horizon, but instead glowed in a small orange circle neatly around the sun. The sun itself appeared very large this time around, and dropped very slowly out of sight. I sat until it was too chilly and dark to sit any longer.

I made dinner (hoorah!). And after my tummy was full, I attempted to pray with the readings my spiritual director had suggested. It didn't all go so smoothly. At times I lack a lot of concentration, and I get so blasted sleepy!

Bedtime by 10pm. Definitely a habit I will attempt to continue upon my return. A body just needs rest to function normally.

The day might seem uneventful, and in many ways, I suppose it was. And that my friend, is the beauty of it all.

In closing thoughts I wanted to pass along something I stumbled up while perusing the web last night. Something in it touched me. Perhaps it will do the same for you.

Saint Theresa's Prayer

May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

day two...

The place I am staying is a silent retreat center. I wasn't sure how I would take to this, as I chatty as I can be. I thought perhaps I would feel alone, isolated. Lonely. But graciously I've experienced nothing of the sort. The house is quiet, but alive. Peaceful. A warm, welcomed silence that allows me to finally rest.

The day began early. Morning Mass followed by coffee and the best bagel sandwich I've had in my life. An Everything bagel with cream cheese, a thick slice of red tomato, and basil. Pretty sure I'm having one of those tomorrow as well. I traipsed throughout the town again today, visiting the pier, the beach, an ice cream shop. I came home around lunchtime, and much to my surprise, the refrigerator was filled with the goodies I had placed on a shopping list the evening before. I could definitely get used to having a personal shopper!

The evening concluded with a magnificent sunset. At my favorite spot I met Doug and Bonnie, who turned out to be nearby neighbors. We shared casual conversation while appreciating the beauty of the sparkling ocean.
Self-portrait at sunrise.
Woman with stray cat at sunset.
The beach.
Sacred Heart Church.

day one...

I arrived in San Diego Thursday morning.  Thank you for the early AM ride to the airport Jana!  The cab driver gave me his advice about the area I was visiting.  Safe, sleepy, full of hippy love.  His description turned out to be charmingly correct.  I was dropped off at the wrong address, and panicked slightly, as the house I stood before was not quite as the one pictured on the website.  I called the center and eventually realized I was lost.  Two street names in the area sound very similar.  After realizing I was on foot, a kind Sister, Cora, quickly came to my aid and picked me up.

Arriving at the center I breathed a sigh of relief.  It looked exactly as the photo had promised.  I was immediately welcomed by Mel.  A wonderfully warm Sister, she greeted me with a huge hug and took me for a tour around the premises.  Mel would be my spiritual director during my time at the center as well.

I have my own room and bathroom, and share a kitchen and living space with other retreatants (so far there aren't any on my side of the building, but I suspect there will be during the weekend).  Mel graciously gave me a map and said, "I bet you can't wait to get to the beach!"  We set an appointment at 11am to meet, then she sent me on my way.  A few blocks and turns later the deep blue crashing waves greeted me.  I walked along the tide pools, past locals hanging out on the rocks with their bikes and guitars.  A few times I splashed accidentally in hidden shallow puddles, soaking my shoes, socks, and jeans.  For some reason it made me smile.  A little further along in my journey was a long pier, filled with fishermen hauling the coolers along the planks, joggers, and happy couples taking photographs of each other.  On one side was the public beach.  Surfers floated lazily on their boards, paddling through the waves.  The weather was so perfect, it's difficult to describe.  Almost as if it were neither warm nor cold - just so perfectly comfortable your skin felt nothing.  I know - it sounds weird.  It was weird.  Like an absence of any weather at all.

I made it back just in time for my meeting with Mel.  She gave me a few things to meditate on, and we made another appointment for Friday.  It felt so good to say, "well, my schedule is pretty open."  To sum up the rest of the day quickly - I packed a lunch, headed to the beach, took a nap on the sand.  Then it was back to my room for restful reading, prayer and reflection, and right before dusk, a run around the area.

On my trek I saw:

- two people carrying beach chairs (probably for a bon fire); one via bicycle

- 50% or more people were barefoot

- lots and lots of dogs (I really think most people here have one)

- constant opening and closing of screen doors - I don't know why this caught me off guard; I'm just not used to it I suppose, being from the Midwest.  It seems everyone here spends an incredible amount of time outdoors, and with such beautiful evening weather, it's easy to see why

- friends gathering on the beach to play volleyball

- dozens of surfers peeling out of their suctioned wetsuits, loading up their boards on top of cars and in SUVs

- an amazing bright orange sun setting over the ocean

Such a complete, but welcomed, change of scenery.

Back at the center I continued reading and eventually fell asleep absolutely exhausted (around 9:00pm) with the window open to the cool night air.

saving grace...

Okay,  so I didn't realize I'd have Internet access while on retreat. I was going to record my thoughts day by day, then post them upon my return (similar to when I moved to Colorado with no Internet for a week), but now I can post as we go.  So here we go.

The idea of this vacation began back in August after visiting friends in Denver.  I was greatly in need of rest and rejuvenation - the stress and pressure of work at times seemed overbearing and unmanageable.  I wanted to get away.  Be alone.  Explore.  Discover something new.  I wanted an adventure and a challenge.  Lauren recommended finding a retreat house.  It was a perfectly brilliant idea.  Let the planning begin.

There were only two stipulations upon which I based my search.  1) Something near the ocean, and 2) somewhere close to an airport that Southwest Airlines utilizes.  I had finally flown enough round trips to warrant a reward flight - the perfect opportunity to make vacation more affordable.

My first find was a retreat house in Maine.  But travel complications to the site proved too cumbersome and expensive to justify the location.  I then opted for the other coast and landed in San Diego.  From there things easily fell into place.  The location had a four-day stay available, which I gladly reserved.

However, that left quite a few more days to entertain myself on vacation.  I figured some things are better shared, and invited my parents to join me four additional days by the ocean.  After quite a bit of contemplation, and me reminding momma not to live in fear (she was worried about Tijuana's nearby border), she very enthusiastically agreed.  Mom also invited her sister to join.  Heck, the more the merrier.  Dad would come too if he was able to catch up at work.

The only thing we all wanted to really do is visit the zoo.  We had been to SeaWorld in Orlando about six years ago, and although it was incredible (I made our family go two different days while we were there), we aren't crazy about making a repeat visit.  After realizing we would only have one planned activity, Mom asked if we should maybe only stay three days, because, "what are we going to do for four days, Rachelle?"

Well momma, we're going to relax.  We're going to go on vacation and we're going to do nothing.  We're going to rest, we're going to eat, sit on the beach, read, visit, and relax.  She laughed.  And then agreed - four days would be wonderful.  Sometimes in this crazy-busy world it's very difficult to remember to slow down.

So yesterday started my retreat.  And I'm in it with full intention to slow down.  To breathe, rest, and be still.

hasta...

Can I get a woot-woot? Its officially vacation time. See you in a week.

1111 vattier...

This evening I was traveling back to KC from Manhattan.  There is no other place on this earth that brings me such a flood of memories in its wake.  The good, bad, and ugly - it always catches me off guard. I was close to home when a beautiful and wonderfully bright shooting star streaked across the night sky, cutting through the deep blue backdrop, and eventually fading into dark, black nothingness.

I thought back to grade school when our teachers taught us that falling stars are actually stars that have burned up (the technical term) long, long ago. And those stars, although one time brightly lit, haven't been shining for millions, possibly even billions of years.

It might sound odd, but in so many ways tonight I found that fading star strangely comforting.

Twinkle, twinkle little star,

How I wonder what you are.

Up above the world so high,

Like a diamond in the sky.

Twinkle, twinkle little star,

How I wonder what you are.

night cap...

Yesterday I bought six boxes of cereal.  Six.  Who does that?  It was my favorite, and it was on sale.  Let's pretend that makes it okay.

Last week I blew up my roommate's iron.  Pulled the plug from the wall using the cord (just like dad always told me not to).  There was a brief explosion, and the next thing I know, the cord is in my hand, the plug is still in the outlet.  Oopsies.  Sorry Jana.

And today I washed my sheets.  Such a wonderful thing.  The yummy smell of Downy when you exhaustedly doze off to sleep.  Too bad I forgot I hadn't thrown them in the dryer when I got home tonight.  No rest for the weary.  At least not for 45 more minutes.

i bid you good eating...

I'm staying up way too late watching Iron Chef. They are competing to make crazy-ridiculous dishes out of a fish that has no spine and a gelatin consistency. Mmmm, sounds... awful. But while doing so I did peruse the Internet long enough to purchase San Diego Zoo tickets for the upcoming v-a-c-a-t-i-o-n.

Oh how that word just rolls off my tongue...