sweet home...

Was it just me or did the sun shine a little brighter than usual today?

Maybe it was the two hour coffee shop chat with an incredible friend, or the bierock delivery followed by good conversation, or perhaps the piano lesson (yes, I was quite rusty), a friend's crazy-awesome news, the workout (okay, I'll be honest, Pilates wasn't great, but seeing Bridge and Liz was) or even missing dinner in exchange for a little quality time...

Life is so good. And I love being on vacation.

Now, does someone want to help me unpack all my bags?

up above the world so high...

There is nothing like looking out at the Western Kansas sky during the black of night, with billions of twinkling stars shining clear and high, high above. I always forget, until visiting back home, how many stars are hidden in the bright lights of the city.

But here, where life operates a little slower and Starbucks isn't available on every corner (or any corner for that matter, as I grudgingly remembered yesterday morning), the view is so magnificent.

Breathtaking, inspiring, speechless.

A perfect end to a beautiful Christmas, as we pulled in late tonight from a day spent at Grandma's house visiting family, sharing stories, and eating too many sugar cookies.

you can count on me...

It seems as though there is always so much to do in order to get ready for Christmas. I sit here tonight, bundled under warm blankets, with the dreaded 'List' running through my head. It just seems to get bigger and bigger. And then the stress settles into my shoulder blades, hoping to find a permanent place to call home. When is there time to do it all? I've already decided my Christmas goody deliveries are going to be prepared the week after the actual holiday. I hope friends don't mind. Today time simply ran out.

Why is it so difficult to often remember Christmas in its true sense? Each year I tell myself I'll take more time to anticipate the real meaning of the season. And every year December 22 rolls around and I'm scrambling for last minute gifts and licking envelopes for cards that won't make it to mailboxes on time.

Getting together with friends last night, putting up the tree, making cookies and cider - those are the things that make me smile and literally feel warm from the inside out. I loved seeing everyone together, laughing, sharing a meal, telling stories. That is happiness. We should take time for it more often.

Merry Christmas everyone! Thank you for your friendship and love since my move to Kansas City. What a blessing you all have been!

yikes...

I'm sure they're convenient for storage purposes in the off-season, but the blow-up, air-filled Christmas yard decorations have simply got to go. Maybe save the money for your kid's college fund instead.

I don't know, just a suggestion.

yesteryear...

Tonight we celebrated Jon's birthday, Laura B. style, which means lots of great eats (including homemade apple pie), lots of great drinks, and a fun group of invitees. Toward the end of the evening Laura and I reminisced about the Denver blizzard two years ago, and the night a group of us went sledding behind a pick-up truck in the middle of City Park. It ranks on my top three best days ever, and if I had to guess, probably on Laura's as well.

After talking about it one of the guys commented, "I need an epic day. I haven't had an epic day in a long time".

That got me thinking, and I realized he was right. How far and few between those absolutely incredible days are. Why don't we make time for more of them?

almost there...

You know the feeling that you're about to absolutely burst with excitement? Like your heart is so full it could possibly pop? That's how I've felt since, oh, about 11pm last night. I finished packing my bags at 2:30 this morning, and am sitting in a cozy seat waiting for my flight to Denver.

Hellooooooo mountains!

thank you for...

Where to start when there is so much... that I can walk, read, sing at the top of my crazy lungs, drive a car, sleep with warm blankets, laugh, exercise, breathe. That I can visit friends, have friends to visit, and be surrounded with people whom I love. That my Mom and Dad value family and support and long hugs. That I have a little brother who is brilliant (and who can officially now beat me up). That I have wonderful people to work with. That I can play Ultimate Frisbee and Racquetball and ski my heart out on the mountaintops. That I can praise God's beauty in all things he's created.

That I can be myself. Yep, I'm definitely thankful for that.

paddle, paddle, paddle, POP!...

I kept thinking I'd finish up writing about vacation as soon as I returned home. I was shocked to see my last post was almost a month ago. How did time slip by so quickly? I want to remember, but it already seems so long ago... I'll give it a try.

Day Four

The last day of my retreat, and it wasn't even a half day - my parents and aunt were coming at 10am. I awoke early to get things packed and was still almost late to Mass. Mel provided spiritual direction one last time, and then I waited, anxious like a little kid, to see Mom and Dad. They finally pulled up in an itty-bitty rental and we squeezed my luggage in the trunk. Throughout the trip as we drove the sometimes busy roads of San Diego, Dad would often proclaim about the rental, "Don't worry! It's fully insured - I paid for extra coverage." This seemed to give him the peace of mind to drive like a crazy person - Midwest style. Luckily most of our travels were less than 10 minutes away; another wonderful perk about the area.

Because our time was so limited in CA, we each chose one thing we really wanted to see while visiting. Dad's pick was the USS Midway. According to the museum website, The Midway was a carrier that was commissioned in 1945 and served as a flagship in Desert Storm in 1991. With a 47-year career of service to country, no other aircraft carrier has come close. This ship is H-U-G-E! Mind blowing huge. If you visit, make a stop here. The natural flow of the tour and information provided ranked this floating museum in my top three of all-time. We stayed until we were kicked out for closing time. That evening I think we watched the sunset and relaxed. I can't quite remember.

Day Five

Dad awoke early (he hadn't adjusted to the time change or the fact that he was on vacation and sleeping in is required). He watched the surfers for over an hour - the first one arriving to the water's edge at 5:45am. Umm... that's crazy early. We went to Mass, then headed to my favorite breakfast spot - OB Donuts. Their the ones with the bagel sandwiches. My family fell in love with them as well (we went back the next day too!). Today Mom and Aunt Vicky were going to check out SeaWorld, while Dad and I drank coffee, read the paper, sat on the beach, etc.

However, much to my wonderful surprise, Dad quietly said, with a twinkle in his eye, that he um, might, maybe want to try surfing. YAAAAAY! I had wanted to surf while we were here - might as well - but didn't want to go it alone. I knew if my brother was with me he'd join, but Dad had said earlier with a laugh that there was no way he'd be participating. So we excitedly dropped off the girls to see Shamu, and headed to the nearest surf rental. I think we both had huge butterflies in our stomach, but when it came time to officially sign up for gear and a lesson, we had to say yes.

The experience was incredible. My surfing skills? Not so incredible. We had an hour and a half lesson on ground, then slipped (pulled, prodded, and tugged) on our wetsuits and dipped into the water. Our instructor told us we could keep the boards until 6pm, but he doubted any of us would make it that long. Dad and I looked at each other like, "of course we will!" Our instructor was right. It was intense. The salt burned my eyeballs and the back of my throat. No matter how much I spit, the burning wouldn't leave. And the waves - they just kept coming! The water we were in was shallow enough to stand - it hit me at the chest/neck. Except when a large wave rolled in and took me with it. I just had to wait until it sat me down again. We were at Dog Beach were waves were typically 2-4 feet. This day they were 3-5 feet, with some peaking at 6ft. I got rolled over the falls twice - an experience I pray never happens again. Having no control over your body as a wave's energy rolls you around underwater until you don't know which way is up, is not my idea of a good time. I eventually learned how to prevent that from happening. I never fully mastered the "paddle, paddle, paddle, paddle, POP!" method of standing on a board. A few times I was able to stand crouched, hoping not to fall over, but most were short-lived. Dad did a nice job of picking up the skill, and he was able to ride in a few for a short time. Another hour and a half later we were beat down, winded, and tired! Dad had a smile on his face like I hadn't seen in awhile. "We surfed the Pacific Ocean," his eyes seemed to shine.

We sure did Dad. I'll be crossing it off my bucket list.

The rest is to be continued. We had our All-Manager meeting followed by the Holiday Party last night. I'm pooped and my eyelids are drooping. Time to call it a night. So good night!

does it have sugar in it?...

I had a hankering to make pancakes late this evening. I wasn't even hungry, but I hadn't eaten dinner, and that bottle of Aunt Jemima syrup had been calling my name from the cabinet since I'd arrived. My dad was always the master pancake maker of the household. He know just how to whip up a great batch, a cook them perfectly - light and fluffy, with a golden rim around the edge (which was my favorite part - I would request the 'crispies'), which I now know was simply a little extra butter love.

Anyway, my quest in making delicious flap jacks proved a little difficult when I realized all too late in the game (pancake was ready to be flipped NOW) I had no real spatula. In fact, I had no even sort-of okay spatula at my disposal. All of the better utensils were waiting in the dishwasher to be cleaned from my previous cooking experiments. So I quickly decided to go with a white bowl scraper (that's the technical term - Wikipedia says so) and a fork. My pancake turned over quite efficiently. Yippee! Success! It wasn't until scooping it out of the pan that I noticed a white, filmy residue covering the bottom of the pan. What the... oh no. Oh, oopsie. I checked out the scraper. 'Not heat-resistant'. The melted side of the scraper confirmed my fears. Definitely not heat-resistant.

I used plenty-o-Aunt Jemima to cover up the uninvited flavor of spatula. I'd still give it 3.5 stars. Silicon and all.

day three...

Yesterday was another easy, beautiful day. For having a full day to fill up with things to do, I surely relaxed to the fullest extent - I didn't shower, I didn't even go for a run. And I didn't feel guilty for not doing either of those things. Doug, who I met the night before at the white bench, let me know sunrise was about 7am, so I awoke in time to witness this beautiful time of day. Typically the only time I see the sun rising is en route to somewhere in the Midwest during the wee hours for work. I prefer this to the latter very much so. I unexpectedly stayed for an hour, then returned for some loaded scrambled eggs and reading, which was followed by spiritual direction.

That afternoon I packed a lunch and headed straight to the beach - my favorite spot was directly off the pier. No swimming - surfers only. More reading, which quickly turned into a welcomed nap. For too long. I have some sweet sunburn lines (which will hopefully turn into tan lines) as witness. Wanting to see another sunset over the crashing waves, I attempted to kill some time by finding an ice cream shop I'd noticed the day before. I walked and walked, then turned around after realizing I really had no idea where I was going, or really what place I was even looking for. Eventually I spotted an ice cream cone sign above a building along the main drive and ordered a java chip waffle cone (it's always worth the $.75 for the waffle). Today I comically realized the ice cream place I was originally looking for, was in fact the same place I'd actually bought my cone, and was also a mere one block from my beach spot. Whoopsie.

The sunset that evening was completely different than day before. It was incredibly cloudy, and the colors did not bleed throughout the horizon, but instead glowed in a small orange circle neatly around the sun. The sun itself appeared very large this time around, and dropped very slowly out of sight. I sat until it was too chilly and dark to sit any longer.

I made dinner (hoorah!). And after my tummy was full, I attempted to pray with the readings my spiritual director had suggested. It didn't all go so smoothly. At times I lack a lot of concentration, and I get so blasted sleepy!

Bedtime by 10pm. Definitely a habit I will attempt to continue upon my return. A body just needs rest to function normally.

The day might seem uneventful, and in many ways, I suppose it was. And that my friend, is the beauty of it all.

In closing thoughts I wanted to pass along something I stumbled up while perusing the web last night. Something in it touched me. Perhaps it will do the same for you.

Saint Theresa's Prayer

May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

day two...

The place I am staying is a silent retreat center. I wasn't sure how I would take to this, as I chatty as I can be. I thought perhaps I would feel alone, isolated. Lonely. But graciously I've experienced nothing of the sort. The house is quiet, but alive. Peaceful. A warm, welcomed silence that allows me to finally rest.

The day began early. Morning Mass followed by coffee and the best bagel sandwich I've had in my life. An Everything bagel with cream cheese, a thick slice of red tomato, and basil. Pretty sure I'm having one of those tomorrow as well. I traipsed throughout the town again today, visiting the pier, the beach, an ice cream shop. I came home around lunchtime, and much to my surprise, the refrigerator was filled with the goodies I had placed on a shopping list the evening before. I could definitely get used to having a personal shopper!

The evening concluded with a magnificent sunset. At my favorite spot I met Doug and Bonnie, who turned out to be nearby neighbors. We shared casual conversation while appreciating the beauty of the sparkling ocean.
Self-portrait at sunrise.
Woman with stray cat at sunset.
The beach.
Sacred Heart Church.

day one...

I arrived in San Diego Thursday morning.  Thank you for the early AM ride to the airport Jana!  The cab driver gave me his advice about the area I was visiting.  Safe, sleepy, full of hippy love.  His description turned out to be charmingly correct.  I was dropped off at the wrong address, and panicked slightly, as the house I stood before was not quite as the one pictured on the website.  I called the center and eventually realized I was lost.  Two street names in the area sound very similar.  After realizing I was on foot, a kind Sister, Cora, quickly came to my aid and picked me up.

Arriving at the center I breathed a sigh of relief.  It looked exactly as the photo had promised.  I was immediately welcomed by Mel.  A wonderfully warm Sister, she greeted me with a huge hug and took me for a tour around the premises.  Mel would be my spiritual director during my time at the center as well.

I have my own room and bathroom, and share a kitchen and living space with other retreatants (so far there aren't any on my side of the building, but I suspect there will be during the weekend).  Mel graciously gave me a map and said, "I bet you can't wait to get to the beach!"  We set an appointment at 11am to meet, then she sent me on my way.  A few blocks and turns later the deep blue crashing waves greeted me.  I walked along the tide pools, past locals hanging out on the rocks with their bikes and guitars.  A few times I splashed accidentally in hidden shallow puddles, soaking my shoes, socks, and jeans.  For some reason it made me smile.  A little further along in my journey was a long pier, filled with fishermen hauling the coolers along the planks, joggers, and happy couples taking photographs of each other.  On one side was the public beach.  Surfers floated lazily on their boards, paddling through the waves.  The weather was so perfect, it's difficult to describe.  Almost as if it were neither warm nor cold - just so perfectly comfortable your skin felt nothing.  I know - it sounds weird.  It was weird.  Like an absence of any weather at all.

I made it back just in time for my meeting with Mel.  She gave me a few things to meditate on, and we made another appointment for Friday.  It felt so good to say, "well, my schedule is pretty open."  To sum up the rest of the day quickly - I packed a lunch, headed to the beach, took a nap on the sand.  Then it was back to my room for restful reading, prayer and reflection, and right before dusk, a run around the area.

On my trek I saw:

- two people carrying beach chairs (probably for a bon fire); one via bicycle

- 50% or more people were barefoot

- lots and lots of dogs (I really think most people here have one)

- constant opening and closing of screen doors - I don't know why this caught me off guard; I'm just not used to it I suppose, being from the Midwest.  It seems everyone here spends an incredible amount of time outdoors, and with such beautiful evening weather, it's easy to see why

- friends gathering on the beach to play volleyball

- dozens of surfers peeling out of their suctioned wetsuits, loading up their boards on top of cars and in SUVs

- an amazing bright orange sun setting over the ocean

Such a complete, but welcomed, change of scenery.

Back at the center I continued reading and eventually fell asleep absolutely exhausted (around 9:00pm) with the window open to the cool night air.

saving grace...

Okay,  so I didn't realize I'd have Internet access while on retreat. I was going to record my thoughts day by day, then post them upon my return (similar to when I moved to Colorado with no Internet for a week), but now I can post as we go.  So here we go.

The idea of this vacation began back in August after visiting friends in Denver.  I was greatly in need of rest and rejuvenation - the stress and pressure of work at times seemed overbearing and unmanageable.  I wanted to get away.  Be alone.  Explore.  Discover something new.  I wanted an adventure and a challenge.  Lauren recommended finding a retreat house.  It was a perfectly brilliant idea.  Let the planning begin.

There were only two stipulations upon which I based my search.  1) Something near the ocean, and 2) somewhere close to an airport that Southwest Airlines utilizes.  I had finally flown enough round trips to warrant a reward flight - the perfect opportunity to make vacation more affordable.

My first find was a retreat house in Maine.  But travel complications to the site proved too cumbersome and expensive to justify the location.  I then opted for the other coast and landed in San Diego.  From there things easily fell into place.  The location had a four-day stay available, which I gladly reserved.

However, that left quite a few more days to entertain myself on vacation.  I figured some things are better shared, and invited my parents to join me four additional days by the ocean.  After quite a bit of contemplation, and me reminding momma not to live in fear (she was worried about Tijuana's nearby border), she very enthusiastically agreed.  Mom also invited her sister to join.  Heck, the more the merrier.  Dad would come too if he was able to catch up at work.

The only thing we all wanted to really do is visit the zoo.  We had been to SeaWorld in Orlando about six years ago, and although it was incredible (I made our family go two different days while we were there), we aren't crazy about making a repeat visit.  After realizing we would only have one planned activity, Mom asked if we should maybe only stay three days, because, "what are we going to do for four days, Rachelle?"

Well momma, we're going to relax.  We're going to go on vacation and we're going to do nothing.  We're going to rest, we're going to eat, sit on the beach, read, visit, and relax.  She laughed.  And then agreed - four days would be wonderful.  Sometimes in this crazy-busy world it's very difficult to remember to slow down.

So yesterday started my retreat.  And I'm in it with full intention to slow down.  To breathe, rest, and be still.

hasta...

Can I get a woot-woot? Its officially vacation time. See you in a week.

1111 vattier...

This evening I was traveling back to KC from Manhattan.  There is no other place on this earth that brings me such a flood of memories in its wake.  The good, bad, and ugly - it always catches me off guard. I was close to home when a beautiful and wonderfully bright shooting star streaked across the night sky, cutting through the deep blue backdrop, and eventually fading into dark, black nothingness.

I thought back to grade school when our teachers taught us that falling stars are actually stars that have burned up (the technical term) long, long ago. And those stars, although one time brightly lit, haven't been shining for millions, possibly even billions of years.

It might sound odd, but in so many ways tonight I found that fading star strangely comforting.

Twinkle, twinkle little star,

How I wonder what you are.

Up above the world so high,

Like a diamond in the sky.

Twinkle, twinkle little star,

How I wonder what you are.

night cap...

Yesterday I bought six boxes of cereal.  Six.  Who does that?  It was my favorite, and it was on sale.  Let's pretend that makes it okay.

Last week I blew up my roommate's iron.  Pulled the plug from the wall using the cord (just like dad always told me not to).  There was a brief explosion, and the next thing I know, the cord is in my hand, the plug is still in the outlet.  Oopsies.  Sorry Jana.

And today I washed my sheets.  Such a wonderful thing.  The yummy smell of Downy when you exhaustedly doze off to sleep.  Too bad I forgot I hadn't thrown them in the dryer when I got home tonight.  No rest for the weary.  At least not for 45 more minutes.

i bid you good eating...

I'm staying up way too late watching Iron Chef. They are competing to make crazy-ridiculous dishes out of a fish that has no spine and a gelatin consistency. Mmmm, sounds... awful. But while doing so I did peruse the Internet long enough to purchase San Diego Zoo tickets for the upcoming v-a-c-a-t-i-o-n.

Oh how that word just rolls off my tongue...

my fellow Americans...

I was in Dallas this week for a work retreat. We stayed at the Magnolia hotel downtown, which turned out to be quite nice. My guest room had more square footage than my first apartment in Denver. Including a living room, dining table, full-size refrigerator, stove, oven, and heck, even the kitchen sink. Yowza.

The best part of the hotel was the location. Wednesday morning a few of us went out early for some exercise. We were able to walk by the JFK Memorial and see the grassy knoll on the north side of Elm Street, gaze up at the sixth floor of the Depository where Lee Harvey Oswald allegedly, single-handidly, and fatally shot the dearly beloved President. There are large white 'X's painted on the street, indicating where the shots occurred. It was a moving experience to stand there and take it all in. To imagine the shock and confusion. The grief and tragedy that rocked the nation shortly after.

"Peace is a daily, a weekly, a monthly process, gradually changing opinions, slowly eroding old barriers, quietly building new structures."

-- John F. Kennedy

hole...

Letting go. Hurts.

license and registration...

Another speeding ticket. Another $90. Ack! I make it twenty-three years of my life (okay, nine legal driving years) with nothing, then I get two in five months. I had to go out of town today, thus the early morning departure... just beware of the little police car waiting for you at 75th & Roe at 5am. She'll get you every time.

Blasted.

meow...

Ever have one of those really bad days that nothing goes right, and it's hard to even drag yourself out of bed? Then, just as things are looking up, you run over a cat that came flying out of the bushes and ambushed your front bumper? Well, I hadn't either, until today.

Yes, I ran over a cat tonight. I really like cats. Unlike most of people I know, having a pet cat has been quite a delightful experience. Beginning as a bright-eyed young girl begging her dad to please please just let her have one cute little cuddly kitten - please? Pretty please Dad? I promise I will take really good care of it and play with it and scoop out the litter box and feed it and everything. In fact Dad, what a great opportunity it would be to teach me responsibility. Don't you think Dad? Look at her - she's sooo cute. So can I? Please?

I can? Really Dad? Welcome to the family, Muffin.

Well Dad, if we get one, we have to get another one. Because Muffin needs a friend; a buddy. She is going to get sooo bored if she has to hang out in the backyard all day by herself. I mean, that wouldn't even be fair - to expect her to pass her days with no one to wrestle with or chase around. How would you like it if you had to entertain yourself all day with no one to talk to Dad? I don't think Muffin would be very happy. We have to get another kitten Dad, we just have to.

Welcome to the family, Midnight. Midnight, meet Muffin - Muffin, Midnight. Oh, you're brother and sister and can't stand each other's guts? Perfect.

Muffin was the best cat in the whole world. And I don't just say that because she was my first real pet. She really was. She would let me hold her, play with her and pet her all the while her little engine just purred away. And she was always the best listener. Anytime I was upset by all the chores I had to do, or when my feelings were hurt by those mean girls on the playground, Muffin would always listen contently and didn't mind a few plump tear drops on her soft tabby striped coat once in awhile. Muffin even gave us lots and lots and LOTS of litters of kittens (not so sure Dad or Mom were as thrilled about that as Justin and I), and we always found a nice home for them.

Muffin was run over by the newspaper lady. I don't remember exactly what happened. I must have been playing in the front yard . All of the sudden the newspaper lady screamed (she must have had her windows down, because I distinctively remember her doing that) and pulled her car to the side. She jumped out and ran to the curb. I ran over to see what all the ruckus was about. Poor Muffin didn't make it through. The newspaper lady kept apologizing - she felt awful. But there's not a lot to say to a kid who's standing there dumbfounded watching her favorite pet bleed to death.

We found a good resting spot for her in the Evergreen tree row. I think Justin must have made her a little wooden cross from Dad's wood scrap pile in order to give her. I used to visit it once and awhile when I was little to tell Muffin I missed her, and that I still didn't like all my chores.

So tonight I'm driving home on Holmes, and from the middle of nowhere this thing comes flying (I mean it - full sprint, halfway in the air) into the street. I don't even have time to think about dodging it. Not a chance. Thump thump. Oh no! What was that - what did I even hit? What the heck just happened? Oh man, I hope that wasn't a dog or cat. Maybe it was a racoon. Or a badger. Or a opossum. Yeah, it was probably a opossum.

Regrettably I glanced in my rearview mirror. I think I was hoping to reassure myself that I'd imagined the whole thing. Unfortunately instead, I watched a cat, silhoutted by a street lamp, rolling across the street - finally picking itself partially off the ground and painstakingly limping and army crawling (if cats can do that) to the curb, it's little tail sticking straight up.

I really hope that was no one's pet. But if it was, I really hope Muffin was up in pet heaven waiting with open paws, welcoming the chance to have another feline friend to chase around on the clouds of mouse toys and catnip.

grey clouds...

"When it rains, I don't mind being lonely. I cry right along with the sky."

--Eli Young Band lyrics

flap jacks...

Last week during Mass, a priest delivered a homily that spoke to me in many ways. He talked about how Sundays should be time spent in community with others - not running errands, not catching up on work, not doing house chores. It should be restful time with those you love, and time treasured to build more meaningful relationships with those around you. It should be time you plan to do nothing - 'just be'. Strangely enough, today's homily closely paralleled the very same message. Okay, I'm getting the message. And as much as I've known for a long time that Sundays should be treated this way, I haven't acted on it. Not much at all, really.

So today was finally a Sunday as it should be. Or at least as close to as it should be as I've had in a long, long time. Mom was visiting, and I was so grateful to be at church with family. Afterward I introduced her to what is now my favorite selection of uber-delicious pancakes from the FirstWatch menu. She had a cranberry almond crunch, while I opted for the wheat germ. Really you can't go wrong with any of the choices. Momma quickly agreed. How wonderful it was to enjoy each other's company. No rushed phone calls, no place to go. Just time to rest within conversation with one another. And how needed it was.

Then we went shopping. And tried everything on in the entire store. Seriously, we had clothes hanging from every wall in the dressing room, until there was not a sliver of space for one more hanger. We walked out with big ol' grins on our faces.

After prepping mom's GPS for her return home, I headed to a friend's for rest and rejuvenation. We had dinner (Mexican yumminess, of course), then by his wonderful suggestion, went to Borders for coffee. And a book. One for each of us that promised direction and guidance as we begin our enlightened journeys - tromping head first and eyes closed into unknown struggles and adventures. I forgot how much I enjoy bookstores.

"Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart." --Confucius

I haven't been doing that, and it's about darned time I start.

Bridget and Shawndra came over later. What a beautiful night with beautiful friends.

Time well spent.

will you...

My brother has officially proposed! Amber and Justin are getting married in June 2009. This weekend they took some time away from wedding planning, and joined me on an engagement photo shoot. Gotta get a picture in the local paper you know...

Below are a few samples, as well as a slideshow of what I have up so far. For a better look check out the Picasa Album.

Enjoy!

mirage...

Welcome to fabulous Las Vegas. Or perhaps, I'd moreso like to say welcome to shiny, tacky and cheap LV. As soon as I stepped off the plane, familiar thoughts were already ringing in my head (...or was that the constant chatter of slot machines?). What is this place? What am I doing here? What is anyone doing here?

My senses were overloaded instantly. The smell of stale cigarette smoke is overwhelming - drenched into the carpets, swirling around poker tables, weaving itself through every layer of clothing. For the remainder of the visit my lungs refused to take a deep breath - even walking outdoors didn't seem to remove the foggy gray haze. My eyeballs couldn't find enough places to hide. The flashing signs, flashes of skin, neon lights. Everywhere you look it's near impossible to focus. It was just as I'd remembered it from my brief visit last summer, when I'd vowed to never return.

Little did I know...

We were there for a work conference. I had been anticipating the event for a couple of months - it was the first time the company had hosted such a grand function. I walked through the hotel, past the slot machines loudly beckoning to snatch another dollar, finally realizing why I was incredibly irritated; why this city disturbed me so deeply. Its purpose - it's thriving reason for existence - is to combine all humanity's vices into one huge, exploding mess of temptation and greed.

I know, I know - this is nowhere near a new revelation, (it's not named Sin City for nothing) but the volume of madness you're immersed in while visiting completely astounds me. It's something I can't quite stomach. And hopefully I never will...

penny for your thoughts...

The Sooner State warmly greeted me this afternoon as I stepped off the plane and headed toward the rental car station. Oklahoma City to Tulsa was the goal, and with a speed limit of 75mph, the 1.5 hour drive was zipping right along. Well, sort of. Technically it was zipping along until I hit toll booth after toll both on the lonesome highway out of town. Problem. I don't carry cash. Another problem. OK Toll booths don't accept credit cards. Hello, it's 2008. So, the first check was written for $3.50. The second stop I scrounged up .$65 from my wallet. The next stop (en route to Stillwater this evening) had me writing another check for $.75. I didn't even know how to write a check that small - 'Zero Dollars and 75/100-------'. Well that's how I did it; hopefully it works.

The last toll needed a mere fifty cents. I had twenty-two cents to my name. There was no late-night toll worker manning a station. No one to take my DL# and send me a bill. I was perplexed. So in go my dimes and pennies down coin collector hatch and I drove right through the red light flashing STOP. The alarm sounded. I kept driving. Hope the police aren't waiting by my car in the morning, waiting to collect on their 28 cents.

Blasted.

night cap...

I'm confused.  And frustrated.  And not sleeping.  As if not sleeping is going to make anything better.  Mmm... probably not.

bed crumbs...

I'm in a hotel in Omaha. It's pouring down rain, and I'm leaned against the headboard snacking on crackers and cheese, watching reruns of The Office. Avoiding the lingering emails accumulated from the day. Idly perusing Facebook, almost without noticing, but it's a welcomed distraction nonetheless.

I'm tired today. Really tired. Two-trips-to-Starbucks-hold-your-eyelids-open-I'm-falling-asleep-as-I-write-this tired.

Which is probably a sign I should go to sleep now.

happy plate...

What a crazy-good weekend.

Sushi. Friends (the really awesome kind). Birthday cake. Live music. Down-pouring thunderstorm. Frisbee. BBQ. Lounge. Home-made dinner. Dancing (okay, more like drag-me-around-the-floor-and-hope-I-don't-step-on-your-toes style). Brunch. Banana-granola pancakes. Softball. Mass. Human Monopoly. Sleep. & Sleep. & Sleep.

& Sleep.

spf 45...

I can finally feel it.  The painful pink sunburn.  Flip-flop calluses.  Sticky, sweaty, glistening faces from humidity's constant presence.  Yep, it's definitely here.  And I'm not quite sure why summertime took so long to show its pretty little head. Whatever the case, I'm glad it's made an appearance.

A trip to the lake was a fine way to get things rolling.  Probably just what I needed.  Campfires.  S'mores.  Ghost-stories.  Bugs.  Boat and life-jackets.  Skis. Sunscreen. The first screaming jump into the chilly water below.

Ah, summer.  It's here.

twist & shout...

A tornado touched down on Thursday a half mile from Grandpa & Grandma's farm - 10 minutes after finishing up a rainy, windy baseball game.

When the uncles spotted the twister approaching the yelled for everyone to take cover.  Soaking wet, sixteen grandchildren crowded into the small pantry in the basement (separated from the main part of the house).  We threw in couch cushions, blankets and towels, grabbed Tupperware and stock pots to use as helmets, and covered everyone's head with a large carpet.  We were saying our Hail Mary's and Our Father's, praying the farm and those in it could stay intact.

Prayers were answered, multiple times.  Justin and I stayed for the rest of the week, and endured multiple more tornado warnings - listening to the scratchy radio in the basement, using the Sprint aircard (a lifesaver) as a radar tracker.  There was another one on Thursday, and many more on Friday - some towns endured softball-sized hail (not kidding) that left divets all over lawns and fields.

Saturday we squeaked by storm free, but onto Sunday... Justin and I were at the other Grandma's.  After lunch Aunt Kathy told me about a deluxe slip 'n' slide set up on her farm - three tarps down a hill.  Of course I couldn't resist.  My cousins and I headed out there - with dark looming clouds in the distance.  We made about ten slides down before the lightning started.  We raced back to Grandma's and packed up our bags, hoping to beat the storm.

No luck.  Right before Hays the hail was crashing down.  Crap-o.  My Aunt called her sort of neighbor, who opened their garage for us.  For the next five hours we watched radars, listened to the radio, headed to the basement, twiddled our thumbs, told stories, and played Sorry.  As weather continued crashing down they ordered us pizza, helped us feel completely welcome, and invited us to spend the night if needed.  We'd considered it, but noticed the red blobs on the radar finally started heading south of I-70.  Let's give it a try.  Rain and gigantic lightning bolts followed us to Salina, but we made it safely.  And my new car only has seven dents on the hood, roof and trunk.  Darn it!

So, no more tornadoes please.  I think we've all had enough excitement to last quite awhile.

peace...

My Grandma Heier passed away today. This morning about 10am at St. Francis Hospital in Wichita. She was a wonderful blessing to everyone she met - always a kind word, always a smile; a fighting spirit regardless of what life brought her way. And it brought a lot. There are not words to describe what an incredible source of strength she was to her family. You will be so greatly missed Grandma.

I love you Grandma.

"I love you more" she would say.

zoom zoom...

I’ve been in Kansas City three point five weeks now. Time has flown! I received my first speeding ticket ever (probably needed humbled because I was really proud of that) cruising north on I-35 last week. 74 in a 60. Oops. I wasn’t even in a hurry; just had no clue what the speed limit was, and I’d been used to 70mph freeways. But I couldn’t use the “I’m new here” excuse because my DL hadn’t been updated the entire time I was in Denver – it was still a KS license with my hometown address, so that wouldn’t have gone over well either. To top it off I didn’t even have my DL with me. Because I’m that cool. So now I get to appear in court and the charge gets knocked off. Lesson definitely learned.

play time...

Laura's idea for a small dinner birthday party turned into invitations for 25. She made tons of delicious food, including my mom's homemade chicken noodle soup recipe! Yeah, she's pretty awesome.
Ice skating in Evergreen. The ice was pretty treacherous, making it difficult to look graceful. Afterwards we had Beau Jo's pizza... nothing warms you up like thick wheat crust dipped in honey. A-maz-ing.
Ski trip to Keystone with the guys from work. I had a blast. Brandon managed to break his board, but fortunately that's the worst that happened.
Our Marian group 2008 retreat at St. Malo - it is so beautiful there. We tennis shoe skated on the small pond, and Lisa and Petreuse (the dog) played tug-of-war with her scarf. Petreuse won.

fruits & veggies...

Hi. It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged and I miss it. I’ve been meaning to, and I kept waiting because I wanted to include pictures from recent activities. But that hasn’t happened yet. So why not blog anyway? The pictures can always come later.

I’ve been officially in Kansas City for two weeks. To sum it up quickly – great friends, great house, awesome roommates, and many, many u-turns (I get lost a lot). The job is stressful. The new responsibility is stressful. And feeling like I left more than a few brain cells in Denver has been frustrating. I suppose that’s how adjusting to something new tends to be. So I’m sitting tight, hoping it won’t be long before it all makes sense again.

My parents are visiting this weekend. I have some projects already planned (hope Mom and Dad are ready!). There are only a few more boxes to unpack, curtains to hang, chairs to paint, basement storage to organize… it seems like moving is a never ending process. But I do like it here so far. I know it will be even better once the dust settles and I can figure out which direction to head in to get to the closest grocery store!

march 30

I'm moving in exactly three weeks. Yes, three. Does that seem crazy to anyone else!? And I'm realizing I'm in a bit of denial about it. It isn't that I'm not looking forward to it. Hardly the case. Just that it's snuck up so quick I feel very inadequately prepared for the transition. The packing. The figuring out new highways and byways and hole-in-the-walls and cheap car washes. The fitting in. The job.

Of course if we're talking denial let's talk about the wonderful people remaining in the beautiful mountainous state of CO. Actually, wait. Let's not talk about that. Because I'm still not dealing with that so well. And by not dealing with it I mean not thinking about it, because if I spend time doing that a guaranteed emotional breakdown will follow. And I'm not ready for that right now either.

sunny delight...

Hi. Friday some friends and I headed to Summit County to crash for the evening and get a head start on the fresh snow that fell at Copper through the night. We skiied until our legs could take no more, then cut out at 2pm and enjoyed the (rarely) unclogged traffic on I-70. Later that night I went to see a movie with friends. It was a theatre I hadn't been to - small and eclectic; we had to wait in a long outside to get tickets. Upstairs they served mixed drinks and brews. If you haven't seen Juno yet, I recommend it. A lot.

Today I ran errands in shorts and flip-flops. For lunch I walked to my friendly neighborhood burrito joint. I washed and vacuumed my car. (A dorky reason that I love Colorado - everyone's vehicles are covered from head to toe with grayish-brown road sludge caused by all the junk they dump on the roads to melt snow; also a sign that people have been playing in the mountains - ahh). A friend made me chili for dinner. Complete with cornbread muffins.

Denver is a great city. Sometimes it's hard to take it all in. Breathe it, absorb it.

I'm going to miss it.

vroom boom...

Tuesday was one of those amazing days. It seemed as though everything that day kept getting better and better. We were working on a big investigation at work, which usually wouldn't be something to look forward to, but it's my first one - and I have a lot to learn before I'm on my own conducting them. So I had to work late, got home around 7:30, and headed for the computer. I'm on the hunt for a place to live and I'd gotten a great response from a potential roommate. I called Bridget R. to celebrate the almost perfect living situation - an extra living room, den/office, and only a few miles from work (and her house). Woo-hoo.

Next it was off to the rec for a quick workout, followed by a trip to the little grocery store/farmer-like market for some grub. This week was my turn to make house dinner and I needed soup ingredients. On the way home I was chatting on the phone with Laura, excitedly explaining the potential house setup. I paused for a moment, thinking I heard a strange noise coming from my car. After nothing happened, I assumed it must have been something on the radio.

Then I tried to make a right-hand turn. My power-steering, unfortunately, did not assist me in this maneuver. Oh crap. Car trouble here we come.

I pulled over (using all my strength) right away, as I'd always been instructed in situations such as these. My battery light was on, and I'm on the verge of tears. So I call dad - he fixes everything. He tells me to drive it home but watch the temp gauge in case the car decides to overheat. My roommate's boyfriend helped me push it into our half-driveway. He found a large belt lying loose in the nose of my car. Yep, that must be the problem. Where is there a mechanic available at 10pm?

Thankfully we live close to the lightrail, which I took to work the next morning. A sure perk of living in the city - public transportation can be fairly convenient. I wasn't sure how I was going to get home that evening though, because I forgot to bring my keys, and it was over a mile from the station to the lightrail (temperature highs in the 3 degree range). Well, simply put, God works in amazing ways. My other roommate called at the end of the day and had free Nuggets tickets. Perfecto. The stadium is only a few blocks from my building. I walked to the basketball game, and got a warm ride home.

So I was still super stressed out today. It's miserable not having a car, and relying on others for rides, putting them out, not knowing how to even get your car fixed. I took the morning off and drove my power-steeringless vehicle to my cousin Kenny's shop. He instructed me not to use anything that would require battery juice. That meant no heat, no wipers... not even a blinker if I could help it. If anyone's ever up for a challenge, you should try driving without the steering boost, and a twice frosted windshield. Shwew.

He told me I was incredibly lucky this hadn't happened on the highway or freeway. I thought of all the trips I'd taken up to the mountains, to KS and back, and to work on the over-crowded roads every single day. For all places for my car to malfunction, 10pm on a weeknight side street sure seemed like a lucky spot. Two hours later he had me all fixed up and ready to go. My serpentine belt (or however you spell it) had fallen off because the ball bearings in a pulley thing had fallen out. I learned more about cars today than probably ever in my life - okay, which probably isn't saying much...

Anyway, the point of this long, over-elaborated story, is that even when things are uber-stressful and crazy and you feel you can't handle the things much longer, most likely things will work out; they will get better. The way things simply fell into place with my breakdown and while I was out of a ride was incredible. Things like that don't happen on accident. They just don't.

semi-sweet...

I don't have much to say. Just playing around on the computer and chowing down on a bag of Nestle chocolate chips, my new food addiction (unfortunately). When instead I should be cleaning my chaos-induced living space once known as a bedroom.

I guess I wanted to write because I'm excited. Excited for the weekend I had with an amazing group of girls; excited for the true friendships I've been blessed with in Denver, that came comletely unexpectedly. Excited for what is to come in the next few months. Hopeful. Scared. Anxious. The kind of holy-cow-I-have-no-idea-what's-ahead, hang-on-to-your-seats excited, because some changes are a'coming. I know not yet what they will bring.

family ties...

Family. What would you do without them? Probably get into less leg wrestling contests with brothers, have a freezer stuffed with absolutely zero homemade chicken noodle soup dishes from mom, and have a car that's broken down without dad's constant TLC. So, I'm definitely better-off with them, as most of us grow to realize more as the years fly by. And my family is awesome - incredibly supportive, easy to hang out with, and I actually look forward to spending time with them over the holidays. But probably one of the best parts...? We're all a little borderline crazy. See for yourself. Above: Our family Christmas photo...
Left: Christmas Eve's Eve. Jumping off a hay bailer thingy (I'll just call it a farm implement, because really I have no idea), onto a rope that has enough momentum to smack you into a tree trunk if you don't use super dodging-power skills (and a little brother for protection). I had to crawl my way up that thing four times before a successful landing. And for some reason it was seriously one of the scariest things I've done lately. Maybe it doesn't look very high-up from here, but trusting a small knot and fraying rope to protect you from a broken leg... believe me, it will give you a new perspective.
Other left: My Uncle Leon and second-cousin-in-law at our glamorous Breck condo. The owners skimped on nothing. Why is this crazy, you might ask? This photo was taken the day Dad and I almost lost our noses to frostbite just to get some runs in (okay, slight exaggeration, but pretty much almost true nonetheless) and this is all I have to show for it.

Aren't they the best?

tis the season...

Jeepers. It's been a long time. I've had lots of blog ideas before and during the Christmas season, but kept forgetting to post them. I had a great holiday. Went to SC for a week, visited lots of family and friends. Goofed off with my brother and enjoyed spending time with his gf, Amber, who made the trip down as well.

I recently also experienced two of the most coldest skiing days of my life. Ever. Ever-ever. My first time up this season was to Loveland with my cousins Adam and Brendan. We knew we were cold. We knew it was windy. Only later did we find out it was 0 degrees that day, with a -20 degree windchill. Yikes! I knew the wind had been whipping through my clothing and sneaking into any zipper I had sticking out, but we had no idea it was that cold.

Round 2 was at Breckenridge last Sunday. My dad and his brother and wife had come out to stay with friends who have a condo up there. It was a beautiful place, and I enjoyed reading by the fireplace on the bear rug. Not kidding there was a bear rug, and it was amazing. Anyway, we went up despite warnings that it would be a cold day. This day beat the run at Loveland hands down. It was so cold and windy that multiple times we experienced complete white-outs, either on the chair-lift or on the slope. At one point I freaked out because we were supposed to unload and I couldn't see a thing. Nadda. Just whiteness all around. Luckily the wind died down long enough for me to hop off. But wow, that was intense skiing.

Dad and I agreed that if we wouldn't have paid so much for our passes, we would have quit, but by golly we were going to get our moneys worth. Due to the high winds (35mph with 65mph gusts), only three lifts stayed open. About 2pm that day one of the guys we were with noticed something white on my nose. I used my glove to brush it off, assuming it was snow. He said nope, it's still there (and told me later he was embarrassed because he thought it must have been snot). I wiped it again, and then his face looked panicky. Just then my dad skied up and I noticed the same thing on his nose. Both of us had frostbite! Our poor noses had been the only things sticking out that day, and apparently they had become so numb with cold that we didn't even notice how brutal it really was. We tucked our honkers in and kept on going. I had a date the next night and was not looking forward to black flaky skin chunks falling off my nose into my dinner plate. Luckily we caught it soon enough and no permanent damage was caused. Phew!

More plans to hit the slopes this Saturday with Brendan and Adam. The fam and I were at Copper last weekend and we had great weather - sunshine and six inches of powder, which I'm finally learning to maneuver in. Man were we absolutely worn out by the end of the day. Our legs were a jelloed mess. It's hard work cutting back and forth in that deep snow!

Just an additional random note - we played two full games of Monopoly in less than three hours, which has to be some sort of family record. And my brother won both of them - how crazy is that?!

That's all the news for now. Thanks to you all for your Christmas wishes, phone calls, and visits. It's been great to hear from everyone!

I'm hoping the next entry is a Year in Review - 2007. At least that's my plan. Time will tell.