gone...

We had our first snow of the season this morning. It was incredibly. Even a bit surreal. Yesterday my face was sunburned while we were at the park paddling around on the lake... and today big white fluffy snowflakes were floating all around.

The change in weather reminds me that life is always changing. Like it or not, ready or not - here it comes. Recently I've been thinking back to about year ago. My last summer in Manhattan. I had no idea what was ahead. None of us did. Everyone was graduating, moving, testing their wings. What would happen, where would we go, who would we meet, who would we become? We made promises to keep in touch. We made promises to write, to visit, to not let life get too far away. The weeks before I left I would lock myself in my room with tears pouring down my cheeks. I didn't cry for what was ahead. I wasn't worried about what was to come. I would cry for what I was losing. From what I was leaving. The familiar faces. The familiar conversations. The annoying yet comforting drama of college relationships. The friendships that had grown into family.

Now it's rare that I cry for what is lost. I guess it's a part of leaving you have to get used to. So I'm trying. But no matter how much I know things change as time marches on, some of the changes aren't very easy understand, and very hard to accept. Some of the changes don't make sense - some of the things I expected to stay the same, wanted to stay the same, didn't. And I guess those are the hardest to swallow. Like a big lump that gets stuck right in the middle of your throat, and no amount of water seems to wash it down.

I wish when we talked it didn't feel like we were strangers. I hate that it's awkward, that I don't know what to say. I hate that we didn't keep in better touch. I just want to know how you are. How you really are. Just like we used to do.